Tell me the best joke you know!!!!(the award is 10 points so make it good!!!)?!
Question: what's black and white and red all over?
-a nun that fell down the stairs
What's black and white and laughing?
-the nun that pushed her
Answers: what's black and white and red all over?
-a nun that fell down the stairs
What's black and white and laughing?
-the nun that pushed her
how does a iraqi gang member roll???
Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. "I'll go into town for a doctor," the other says. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the only doctor delivering a baby. "I can't leave," the doctor says. "But here's what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground." The guy runs back to his friend, who is in agony. "What did the doctor say?" the victim cries. "He says you're gonna die."
Joe and Dave are hunting when Dave keels over. Frantic, Joe dials 911 on his cell phone and blurts, "My friend just dropped dead! What should I do?"
A soothing voice at the other end says, "Don't worry, I can help. First, let's make sure he's really dead."
After a brief silence, the operator hears a shot. Then Joe comes back to the phone. "Okay," he says nervously to the operator. "What do I do next?"
ok. i have quite a few:
what did the ghost teacher say to her class? "Look at the board and i'll go 'through' it again" hahaha boom boom
what does a skeleton muy at a cafe? spare ribs!!
who did the skeleton invite to his party? anyone he could dig up!!
1st cow: mooooooooooo!!!!!
2nd cow: hey, i was gonna say that!!!!!
hahahaa ok my brothr told me this one:
wat do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Q:
who killed Alicia keys
A: no one
Q:
who killed Soulja Boy
A: yoooooooouuuuuuuuuuuu
a lady with no arms and no legs washes up on a beach. a guy walks by and sees her and asks are u ok. she says yes. she starts cring. he asks whats wrong. she says ive never been kissed. so he kisses her. she starts cring again. he asks her whats wrong. she says ive never been hugged. he hugs her. she starts cring again. he says whats wrong now. she says ive never been ******. so he picks her up throws her back in the ocean and yells, YOUR ****** NOW!
Q: whats the difference between a tractor and a giraffe?
A: one has hydraulics the other a high bollicks
if at first you don't succeed,
your probably doing it wrong
Making Cakes
A little girl and her mother are walking through a park and see two teenagers having sex on a bench. The little girl asks her mother what they're are doing. After a moments hesitation, the mother replies "They're making cakes."
The next day the little girl and her mother go to the zoo. The little girl sees two monkeys having sex, and again asks her mother what they are doing. The mother again uses the same answer "They're making cakes."
The next morning the little girl says to her mother "Mummy, You and Daddy were making cakes on the lounge last night."
The Mother replies " How do you know?"
The girl says "I licked the icing off the sofa!"
New Scope
A man who just got a raise decides to buy a new scope for his rifle. He goes to a rifle shop, and asks the clerk to show him a scope. The clerk takes out a scope, and says to the man, "This scope is so good, you can see my house all the way up on that hill". The man takes a look through the scope, and starts laughing. "What's so funny?" asks the clerk.
"I see a naked man and a naked woman running around in the house", the man replies.
The clerk grabs the scope from the man, and looks at his house. Then he hands two bullets to the man and says, "Here are two bullets, I'll give you this scope for nothing if you take these two bullets, shoot my wife's head off and shoot the guy's dick off."
The man takes another look through the scope and says,
"You know what? I think I can do that with one shot!"
Hu's On First
(We take you now to the Oval Office.)
George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader
of China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of
China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk.
And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the
U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
(Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we
should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?
The difference between men and women...
Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that "Johnny seems to be having some difficulty with the differences between boys and girls," and would his mother, "Please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this."
So Johnny's mother takes him quietly, by the hand, upstairs to her bedroom, and closes the door.
First, Johnny, I want you to take off my blouse...
so he unbuttons her blouse and takes it off.
Ok, now take off my skirt...
and he takes off her skirt.
Now take off my bra...
which he does.
And now, Johnny, please take off my panties.
and when Johnny finishes removing those, she says,
"Johnny, PLEASE don't wear any of my clothes to school any more!"
One day Joe is standing on the street corner hanging out and watching the people pass by. After awhile, a guy walks by snapping his fingers in a rhymn.
He asks the guy, "What's up with you?
The guy replies, "I got the beat, got the beat, got the beat."
Joe says, "Whatever!" and shakes his head.
After a little while longer a young lady walks by doing the same things as the guy was doing.
Joes asks her,"What's up with you?
The lady replies, "I got the beat, got the beat, got the beat."
Joe says, "Whatever!" and shakes his head.
A little while later a kid walks by and he is snapping his fingers, too!
Joe says to the kid, "Don't tell me...you got the beat, got the beat, got the beat right?" to which the kid replies, "No! I got a booger on my finger and I can't get it off."
There was a brunett standing by the side of the road saying "11." well a blonde comes up and she goes "wat ya doing" and the brunett goes "saying 11" so the blonde is like wat ever and goes "can i join you" and the brunette goes "sure". so there stainding on the side of the roda saying 11 and then the brunett goes "i dare you to go and stand in the middle of the road and say 11". well the blonde does. while shes standing there a truck comes by and hits the blonde. Then the blonde goes "12, 12, 12"
this is not a joke... just some funny comebacks...
So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.
Pardon me, but you've obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn.
I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?
If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.
I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!
Have you considered suing your brains for non-support?
Don't you need a license to be that ugly?
I see the wheel is spinning, but the hamster looks dead.
If you had another brain, it would be lonely.