Ok i want the lamest jokes you've got.?!
Question: Come on i want to hear them all.
Answers: Come on i want to hear them all.
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
What's red and bucket-shaped?
A red bucket. ^_^
a Neutron walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender gives him one. The Neutron asks how much? The bartender says "for you, No charge"
Look on the back of a cereal box
What's round and big?
A ball
What has pictures and is a rectangle?
TV
Q:what did 0 tell 8?
A:Nice belt
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the other side
Q:What is brown and Sticky?
A: A stick
Well thats all i can think of right now
knock knock, whos there, mayson, mayson who? may sun shine on you!
Knock knock, whos there jessiminute, jessiminute who? Justa minute im still in my underwear! Then why are you outside knocking!?!?!?!?!?
Ew whats that on you head!.. o wait its your face...
1.)Madona doesnt have one the pope has one and never uses it and bill clinton uses his all the time. What is it?
2.) 2 men walk into a bar the third one ducks.
3.) This man lives on the 13th floor of a building and everyday he goes down the elevator and to the grocery store. When he returns he takes the elevator to the 6th floor and walks up 7 flights of stairs. why?
Answers:
1.) A last name!! (lol right)
2.) 2 men walk into a metal bar and the third one is smart enough to duck.
3.) He's a midget and can only reach the button to go to the 6th floor!!!!
Q: a guy walked into a bar...what did he say??
(think about it)
A: OWW!!!!!
ok there was a father showing his son how to pee, and the says: hey dad, whats that?
and the dad says:o, thats mr.wiggles."
then the son says can i play wit him?
the dad told him no
so the next day when the dad came home from work, no1 was at home
he asked his neighbors where his family was and they said at the hospital
when he got to the hospital, his son was in the ER
he asked hi son waht happend
his son said, i found out i had a mr. wiggles also, so i started to play wit him, then later while i was playin with him, he spit at me, so i bit his head off
HERE ARE SOME RACIST ONES PLEASE DO NOT FEEL OFFENED.I AM VERY SORRY IF I HAVE OFFENDED YOU
1A)
q:y did the chicken cross the road?
a: to get away from the black man
2A)
q:y did the dog cross the road?
a)to get away from the asian
3A)
q:y did the mexican cross the raod?
a:to get to america
i have more but tehey are really kinda offending
3 men walked into a bar and the fourth one ducked
There were 2 mufins, chillin in an oven
one muffin says "OMG we're in an oven!"
the other muffin says "OMG its a talking muffin!!!"
Two peanuts were walking down a spooky road at night... One was assaulted. ~The Oregonian~
What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk. ~Robert Wise~
Two ropes walk into a bar. The bartender says to the rope "Hey! we don't serve ropes in here" so one of the ropes left. The other rope frayed up his hair and tied himself in a knot. The bartender said to the rope "Are you a rope?" and the rope said " I'm afaid not" ~The Oregonian~
Why was the Tomato blushing? Because he saw the salad dressing. ~Josh Tallman~
A mom dad and baby tomato are walking down the street and the baby starts to lag behind so the dad goes back and smashes the baby and says "ketchup" ~Pulp Fiction~
A frog is looking for a loan, so he goes into a bank. He sits down at a desk and the name plate says "Patty Whac". He talks to Patty about the loan and she asks him what he has for collateral. The frog replies well I have this vase. He pulls the vase out of a bag to show her. Patty says "well thats just a cheap knick-knack". Then the owner notices the vase and says to himself "gee that's from the 17th century, it's worth tons of money" So he walks over to patty and says "Thats no knick-knake Patty Wha c give the frog a loan". ~Wakk0 Warner~
3 old men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first old man, "What is three times three"? "274" was his reply. The doctor says to the second man "It's your turn. What is three times three"? "Tuesday" replys the second man. The doctor says to the third man, "OK, Your turn. What's three times three"? "Nine" says the third man. "That's great" says the doctor. "How did you get that"? "Simple" says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday". ~Eric K.~
A termite walks into a barroom and asks, "Is the bar tender here?" ~Alecia Wolf~
How do you catch a squirrel? Climb into a tree and act like a nut... ~Phil Napier~
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Because he/she had no guts! ~Bob Kelly~
A little boy was visiting his grandmother and the young boy asked his grandmother,"grandma, how old are you"? She replied, "you shouldn't ask me questions like that". A few minutes past and the young boy asked his grandmother another question, "how much do you weight"? The grandmother replied, "you shouldn't ask me questions like that"!
The following week when the little boy went back to school he told his friends about the coversation he had with his grandmother and how he was unable to get an answer from her. The little boy's friends advised him to look on her drivers license, all t he information will be there.
The next week when the little boy was visiting his grandmother he told her he knew how much she weighed and how old she was. The grandmother didn't believe him until he told her,"you weight 130lb., and you are 65 years old". Then the little boy in a ba shfull way wispered to his grandmother, "I also know you got an F in Sex". ~Bob Kelly~
why didn't the chicken cross the road? Because he was too chicken.~drtbike~
What do John the Baptist & Winnie the Pooh have in common? Their middle name.~XYTrapp~
Why are there so many Johnsons in the phone book? They all have phones.~XYTrapp~
What do you call a person with lepersy in a bath tub? Stew.~John Stoffer~ (Sorry Barbra I herd it from him first :)
Two old guys at an old folk's home shooting the breeze. One says "How's the memory?" The other says "Perfect, touch wood", and raps his knuckles on the table. 2 minutes go bye, and then he says "Somebody gonna get the door or what?"~Lardass~
Did you hear about the cannibal who passed his brother in the woods one day?~Neil Heiman~
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck!~d.j.w.~
A man goes to a psychiatrist, and tells him "Doc, I think I have an obsession with sex." The doctor agrees to examine him and begins by showing him various drawings. First the doctor draws a square and asks the man to identify it. The man immediate ly says "sex". Next the doctor draws a circle, which the man again identifies as sex. Thirdly, the doctor draws a triangle, which of course the patient identifies as "sex". The doctor puts the drawings away and says to the patient, "Yes, I do believe t hat you have an obsession with sex." To which the man replies, "I'm not the one with the obsession! YOU'RE the one drawing all the dirty pictures!"~Paul G.~
Why don't cannibals eat comedians? Because they taste funny.~Howard Burgess~
A skeleton is in a bar. He goes up to the bar. "A pint of lager and a mop please."~Howard Burgess~
"Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud." "Yes sir, it's fresh ground."~Howard Burgess~
What's brown and sticky? A stick.~Howard Burgess~
A horse walks into a bar, the barman says "why the long face?"~Stuart Davidson~
How do you catch a unique rabbit? U Neaq up on it. How do you catch a tame rabbit? Tame way, you neaq up on it.~Jim Molinari and Sammy~
How do you describe the average cannibal? A guy with a wife and ate children.~Corey Jones~
What did the cannibal do when he saw an 'All you can eat restaurant'? He had two waiters and a busboy.~Corey Jones~
Why are proctologists so gloomy? They always have the end in sight.~Corey Jones~
What do you give an elephant with diarreha? Lots of Room~Corey Jones~
Two men walk into a bar. You would think the second one would of ducked.~Shaun Haapala, Daniel L. Miller, and John Stoffer~
What does mozart do now that he is dead? He decomposes.....~Ernest D. Aguayo~
Why did the squirrel sleep on his stomach? To keep his nuts warm.~Taryn Anderson~
Whatdaya call a cow with two legs? Lean Beef. Whatdaya call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef. Whatdaya call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter, he ain't gonna come anyway... ~John Braden~
A woman asked her husband to go to the video store and get Scent of a Woman. Her husband came back with a Fish Called Wanda.~Ken Attebery and Marc Kletke~
What's big and brown and walks through walls? Spooky Dooky.~Jay Everett~
Why do they put bells on cows? Because their horns don't work!~Jim Luettgen~
Two sausages are in a pan. One looks at the other and says "god it's hot in here, and the other sausage says "OH MY GOD IT'S A TALKING SAUSAGE!"~Robert David Cox~
One day this guys house was on fire so he decided he better call the fire department. He got on the phone with the chief and the man was very frantic. The man said chief you have to get over her my house is on fire. The chief says calm down, how do we get to your house, and the man said you don't have those big red trucks anymore!~Anthony Makoski~
Did you hear about the cannibal who came home late for dinner and his wife gave him a cold shoulder?~Tony~
What do you call a sleepwalking nun? Roamin' Catholic.~unkown~
What's the worst part about eating vegetables? Those damn wheelchairs.~unkown~
There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count. And those who can't.~T. Blase~
Why did the bee cross his legs? Because he couldn't find the BP station.~Jen V.~
What did the apple say to the orange? Nothing stupid, apples don't talk.~Jen V.~
What do you do with a dog that has no legs? Take him out for a drag.~Kathy Nicol~
Why don't blind people skydive? Because it scares the crap out of their dogs.~Matt and Roxy~
What is the famous last words in surgery? Ouch!!~Matt and Roxy~
There was a lawyer that was talking to his client who just committed murder. He said "I have some good news, and some bad news. The bad news is that you're getting the electric chair." His client said "That's terrible!! Well, what's the good news? " The lawyer said "I got the voltage lowered."~Matt and Roxy~
A traveling salesman was driving down a country road when a rabbit ran in front of his car and he hit it. The proverbial farmer was sitting on the fence watching. The salesman gets out of his car and opens the trunk. He then removes an aerosol can and sprays the contents on the dead rabbit. The next thing you know the rabbit gets up and hops about 20 ft. down the road, turns and waves to the salesman, goes another 20 ft. and waves to the salesman. The salesman looks at the farmer and says "he'll be ok ay now." The salesman gets into his car and leaves. The farmer wondering what's going on walks over to the ditch where the salesman threw the can, picks it up and read the label which said FOR HARE RESTORATION AND PERMANENT WAVE.~Chuckles~
What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud.~Jim Spurrier~
yes i did just copy and paste this. so wat?
-twickers
A Banana Said Fred...