Can someone tell me some (clean) and funny jokes???!


Question: I love telling jokes. And i'm bored and i need a laugh so if you could tell me some jokes or a website that has them i will be VERY greatful.


Answers: I love telling jokes. And i'm bored and i need a laugh so if you could tell me some jokes or a website that has them i will be VERY greatful.

A blonde decides to learn and try horse back riding unassisted without prior experience or lessons.
She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion.
It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.
Out of shear terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway.
The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety.
Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup. She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again.
As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness or even death when Frank, the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off.

yeah, you lost me at clean.

yes
What did the hat say to the scarf???
You can just hang around...I'll go on ahead

question: why was bill a "dirty man"

answer: because he had just jumped in the mud

I love jokes too, but I can never remember how to tell them correctly..sorry :D

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss
program.

The next day, there’s a knock on the door and there stands before him a
voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of
Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.
The sign reads, ‘If you can catch me, you can have me.’

Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later
huffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the
next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs
himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program. The next
day there’s a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning,
beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing
nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads,
‘If you catch me you can have me. Well, he’s out the door after her
like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but
no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with
him gradually getting in better and better shape.

Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he
discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised. He decides to go
for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program

‘Are you sure?’ asks the representative on the phone. ‘This is our most
rigorous program.’
‘Absolutely,’ he replies, ‘I haven’t felt this good in years. The next
day there’s a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge
muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a
sign around his neck that reads, ‘If I catch you, your *** is mine.’

He lost 63 pounds that week

what do you call a school bus full of white people
a twinkie

This is corny, but here's a fun sentence:
"The crows seem to be calling my name," said Caw.

what do jelly beans do that every man wishes he could do? come in different colors

What did the fish say when it ran into the cement wall. . .DAM!!!

Are you looking for longer ones or shorter ones?

http://www.cleanjoke.com/

what do call a elephant and a rhino mixed together....





elephino..................lol

lol theres no such thing as a

"Non clean" joke..

haha first answer made me laugh..
=]

i know a word that will make you laugh!

CASS-O-ROLE!

hahahahahaha! just go up to your friend or someone and they BUST up for some reason! lol

What do you call an Italian slum?
...a spaghetto

why couldn't the skeleton cross the street?
cuz he had no-BODY to go with him!

why did the chicken cross the road?
Grandpa: Back in my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody just told us a chicken had crossed the road and that was good enough!

why did the mailman drive a blue truck? to deliver the mail
why did the chicken cross the road? to get to the other side

a little boy arrives to school 5 minutes late...the teacher says where have you been?
he says oh, i was on bluberry hill
2nd little boy comes in 10 minutes late...the teacher says where have you been?
he says, oh, i was on bluberry hill
3rd little boy comes in late... again the teacher says where were you at?
He says he was on bluberry hill.
Class begins and just after the interruptions had ended in comes the principal with a new little girl... the teacher says, well hello there honey what is your name, the girl smiles and says, OH, BLUEBERRY HILL

what do you call a pig that knows karate pork chops.
do you know how to get strait a's use a ruler.

there was a blode a brown head and a red head and they were walkin through a forest wen they saw a track the blonde said the track was a fox track the brown said no its a rabit track and the red one said no it is a snake track so the keeped walkin on the track and then a train hit them

Well there are 3 ppl in a plane. The first one throws out a apple the second one throws out a brick and the last one throws out a bomb. There there is this guy walk happily along. Then he sees a little girl crying on the ground. He askes her y she is crying. She says a apple hits me on the head. So he starts walking along again. Then he sees a teenage boy crying. He asks the boy y he is crying. The boy says a brick hit me onthe head. So then the guy once again starts walking along. Then he sees a guy sitting and laughing his butt off. He asks hey grandpa y r u laughing. the old guy says when i farted the building blew up. LOL

i have a good very good one

alright here it is

Why do they call it a single cell? Because it's not married yet its 75 years old and still not married yet....lol


thats a good one and what it means is the single cell is very old but didn't find no woman to marry him this joke will get every body going.

Here's a cute blonde joke (Im blonde... go figure)

a blonde girl walks into an appliance store and asks the clerk: Can I buy this TV? He replies: No, You're a blonde.
So she goes and dyes her hair red and goes back to the store and again asks the clerk: Can I buy this TV?
He again says: no You're a blonde.

The blonde goes home and pulls a Brittany and shaves her hair off.
She goes to the store and asks again: Can I buy this TV?
The store clerk replies (guess what): No you're still a blonde.
By now she's tottally had it: How can you tell that im a blonde! I've dyed my hair and shaved it off! WHY CAN'T I BUY THIS TV?!??!
He goes: Its a microwave

so this guy takes a blond to a football game they watch it and then when the game ends and they are walking out the guy ask's
" how did u like the game"
blond " it was great but i didn't understand one thing,
The guy " well ok maybe i can explain it to u"
blond " o k well why were they fighting over 45cents"
guy " What?"
blond " well at the bigining of the game they flipped a quater and the rest of the game they kept saying get the quater back"

Ok. Its a riddle. Jason's mom has three kids, April,may, and........ who do u think?



JUNE?? NO
ITS JASON!!! LOL

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These are all good and clean.

http://www.cleanjoke.com/
http://www.funnycleanjokes.com/
http://thejokes.co.uk/
http://www.jokesclean.com/


hope i helped x

http://mykickspot.com

I went to the doctor, wasn't feeling good. I had a carrot stuck up my nose, a string bean stuck in one ear. The other ear had a celery stalk in it. There were peas smeared on my forehead. The doctor took one look and made a diagnosis: "You ain't eating right"

How does a dinosaur come out of a pool?


WET

There were 3 turtles, berry, lerry, jerry. 1 day they went on a picnic...the place was 10 miles away so because they were turtles and so slow it would take them 10 days to get there( 1 mile a day) so they packed all there food and went on the 10 day journey. When they get there they relise they forgot the drinks. Jerry and lerry dont want to go back and get them so they tell berry to get them. Berry didnt want to go get them because he though jerry and lerry would eat all the food. Only after they promise they wont eat any does berry leave on the 20 day journey for drinks.20 days later Berrys sstill not bac...25 days and he still not back...30 day and he is still not back and jerry and lerry are soo hungry. so they decide to take just1 bit. As soon as the food touches there lips Berry jumps out of a bush and says:
"HA! I KNEW IT IM NOT GOING!"

A priest, a rabbi, and a reverend walk into a bar, the barman looks up and says, "is this some kind of a joke?"



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