Tell me a joke even if it's not that funny but if u have a really funny one,!
Question: Okey here's another one: Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette,inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately,after just a few years,they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. The brunette balances the checkbook, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale. Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull,I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home." The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home." The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents per word." Well, after paying the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word, 'comfortable."' The telegraph operator shakes his head. 'How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word 'comfortable?"' The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. " She'll read it very slowly."
Answers: Okey here's another one: Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette,inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately,after just a few years,they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. The brunette balances the checkbook, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale. Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull,I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home." The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home." The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents per word." Well, after paying the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word, 'comfortable."' The telegraph operator shakes his head. 'How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word 'comfortable?"' The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. " She'll read it very slowly."
So there's this couple and the girl wants to have sex with the guy. So the girl invites him over to her house for dinner with her parents and get ready for action. The guy wants to be safe, so he went to the pharmacy to get some condom. Since he's a virgin, he needs some help. So he talked to the pharmacist about the situation and the pharmacist told him what to do. When the guy got to the girl's house, he was surprised. He said to his girlfriend, " Um...I didn't know your dad was a pharmacist..."
A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have problem. I have two female parrots that used to live in a house of ill repute, but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest inquired.
They say, "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"
"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, then he thought for a moment. "You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying... that phrase in no time."
"Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution."
The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.
After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison: "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"
There was stunned silence. Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, "Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been answered."
I love this joke!
okay:
there is a guy who was visiting his mothers grave, he put flowers on it and starting walking towards his car. He stopped and noticed a guy kneeled at a grave repeativly saying "why did you have to die? why did you have to die?" so concerned he walked over and said "its hard loosing someone, was it a parent? friend? sibling?" he replies "it was my wife's 1st husband"
it took me a sec to get it but i thought it was funny!
=D
Little Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd beenplaying outside with the other kids for awhile when he came into thehouse and asked her, "Grandma, what is it called when 2 people are sleepingin the same room and one is on top of the other?" She was a little taken aback, but decided to tell him the truth. "It'scalled sexual intercourse, darling." Little Tony just said, "Oh, OK" and went back outside to the otherkids. A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, "Grandma, it isnot called sexual intercourse! It's called Bunk Beds! And Jimmy's Mom wantsto talk to you right now."
- F1E
there was 3 dicks having a wee and talking 1 starts braging my master takes me out every day and plays with me 2 says thats nothing mine takes me out everyday plays with me and washes me then the 3rd starts crying and says mine does all that but one day a week he puts me in a dark hole and bangs me around untill i be sick
Q. What do you call a man with half a brain?
A. Gifted.
A. What did God say after creating man?
Q. I can do better.
Q. Why do men want to marry virgins?
A. They can't stand criticism
Q. What do you have whan you have two little balls in your hand?
A. A man's undivided attention.
Q. Why do men name their penises?
A. Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the person who makes all their decisions.
Q. What is a man's view of safe sex?
A. A padded headboard.
Q. Why did God create man?
A. Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn
Q. Why does the stupid man put ice in his condom?
A. To keep the swelling down.
This guy forgot his anaversery so his wife was super pissed at him. She told him in the moring she wants to have sumthing in the drive way that goes from 0 to 200 in 2 seconds. In the moring she looks at the drive way n there was a smal box. she was cunfused but opened it anyways n inside was a scale. No one has seen the husband since.
A Blonde's Year in Review
January
Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February
Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels....Helllloooo!!!.......bottles won't fit in printer !!!
March
Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months....box said '2-4 years!'
April
Trapped on escalator for hours .... power went out!!!
May
Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!
June
Tried to go water skiing.......couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July
Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
August
Got locked out of my car in rain storm.....car swamped because soft-top was open.
September
The capital of California is 'C'.....isn't it???
October
Hate M & M's....they are so hard to peel.
November
Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days .. instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!
December
Couldn't call 911 ..... 'duh'.....there's no 'eleven' button on the stupid phone!!!
How has your year been thus far?