Any body got a joke?!


Question: I Want to hear some blonde jokes does any body know one? If you do the funniest joke wins. No repeats.


Answers: I Want to hear some blonde jokes does any body know one? If you do the funniest joke wins. No repeats.

http://www.coolblondejokes.com/
i googled it for u

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Other Answers (6)




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  • DeeDee's Avatar by DeeDee
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  • no blonde jokes. A baby is 10 seconds of joy and 30 years of misery.
    not that funny, but very true.

    A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup,the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die." "Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Try to be pleasant in general, and make sure he stays in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare something nice and healthy again. Don't burden him with chores, as he probably had a hard day. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim. "If you can do this for the next 1 to 2 months, I think your husband will regain his health completely. On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?" "You're going to die," she replied.

    From

    There was a Brunette, a red head, and a blonde.
    They were lost in the forest walking.
    Found a small house and went in.
    They have found this Bottle and Ginie popped up
    They get to have three wishes.
    Brunette says: I wish i was home.
    Red head says: I wish i was home
    and Blonde wished for: I wish my friends were with me.
    =P

    There was a brunett standing by the side of the road saying "11." well a blonde comes up and she goes "wat ya doing" and the brunett goes "saying 11" so the blonde is like wat ever and goes "can i join you" and the brunette goes "sure". so there stainding on the side of the roda saying 11 and then the brunett goes "i dare you to go and stand in the middle of the road and say 11". well the blonde does. while shes standing there a truck comes by and hits the blonde. Then the blonde goes "12, 12, 12"

    you get it?????









    if no it means that the brunett is trying to see how many blondes she can get unover.

    i used this for a previous answer, but it's all i have. soz.

    A blond was attempting a jigsaw puzzle. She was having some trouble so she called her boyfriend for help. He asked "what is the puzzle sopposed to be when its done?" the blonde said " according to the picture on the box its a tiger." he decided to go over and help her. When he got there he studied the puzzle pieces and said "this puzzle can't be completed." she said "why?" her boyfriend said " that's not important. But for right now just help me put these frosted flakes back in the box."
    -----------------------
    A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

    She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

    -------------
    A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"

    "NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

    ------------------------------
    A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
    The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
    The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
    The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
    "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
    To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"

    ---------------------------
    there was a blonde working in an m&m factory. her job was to sort out all the bad m&ms from the good ones. her manager came up to her and noticed there were more bad ones than good ones. he asked her what was wrong with them. she replied, "they arent m's... theyre w's"
    -----------------------------------
    theres a blonde, and brunette, and a redhead. they are stuck in the desert. they come across this lamp, when they rubbed it, a genie came out. each one had three wishes. the brunette wished for a bottle of water, because she was so thirsty. the redhead asked for a map, so they could find their way back home. finally, the blonde asked for a car door. all puzzled, they asked her, "what on earth is that for??" she replied "just in case it gets too hot, i can roll the window down"
    -------------------------------
    A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she cut off a truck driver.

    He motioned for her to pull over. When she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket.

    He drew a circle on the road and told the blonde to stand in the circle and not move.

    He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats.

    When he turned around she had a slight grin on her face, so he said, "Oh, you think that's funny? Watch this."

    He gets a baseball bat out of his truck and breaks every window in her car.

    When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her face. He is getting really mad.

    He gets his knife back out and slices all her tires.

    Now she's laughing.

    The truck driver is really starting to lose it. He goes back to his truck and gets a can of gas, pours it on her car and sets it on fire.

    He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is about to fall down.

    "What's so funny?" The truck driver asked the blonde.

    She replied, "When you weren't looking, I stepped outside the circle 4 times."
    --------------------------------------...
    A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it.One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal.""That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if I only can sell the car.""Okay," said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore."

    The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?" "No," replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it."
    --------------------------------------...
    A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
    She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."
    She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde."
    The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.
    The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree.
    The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"
    -----------------------------
    How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
    Wave.
    --------------------------------------...
    What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
    Run, she's got a hand grenade in her mouth!


    --------------------------------------...

    What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
    "Oh look! Donut seeds!"

    --------------------------------------...

    If a blonde and a brunette fell off a building, who would hit the ground first?
    Answer: The brunette - the blonde would have to stop for directions!


    --------------------------------------...

    The assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.

    "Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!"


    --------------------------------------...


    Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger.
    First Blonde:

    "I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
    Second Blonde:
    Well you better hurry up. It's starting to rain and the top is down!

    --------------------------------------...

    A blonde asked someone what time it was, and they told her it was 4:45. The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied,


    "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."


    --------------------------------------...

    A blonde was driving down the road listening to the radio and was quite upset when she heard blonde joke after blonde joke. A little way down the road, she saw another blonde out in a field rowing a boat. The blonde stopped her car and angrily jumped out yelling,

    "You dumb blonde bimbo! It's blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name! If I could swim I'd come out there and give you what's coming to you!"


    --------------------------------------...

    A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump.

    Sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead $50. The redhead said,

    "I can't take this, you're my friend."
    But the blonde insisted saying,
    "No. A bet's a bet."

    Then the redhead said

    "Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money."

    The blonde replied

    "Well, so did I, but I didn't think he would jump again!"
    --------------------------------------...
    A man walks into a store to buy a Barbie doll for his daughter. "How much is that Barbie in the window?", he asks the shop assistant.

    In a manner she responds, "Which Barbie? We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $395.00."

    The guy asks, "Why is Divorced Barbie different from all the others?"

    "That's obvious," the assistant states, "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture…"

    --------------------------------
    a police officer was driving down highway 12 when he saw a car that was going very very slow. he pulled it over and saw that there were two people in it. the driver-a blonde women- and the passenger-her date. the driver was perfectly calm but the passenger was all white and had his fingernails dug into the dashboard. the police officer asked the driver why she was going only 12mph in a 45mph highway. she said that she saw a sign that said 12 on it so she went 12mph. the police officer told her that this was highway twelve and that she should be going 45mph. they were about to drive awqay
    when the police officer asked why the driver's date looked so scared. she replied: "i don't know,he's been like this ever since we got of of highway 200".
    -----------------------------
    these are just some jokes that i've been gathering for a BIG HUGE email to send

    A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette.

    When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.

    After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought,

    "Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!"
    She got out and walked over to the farmer and said,
    "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?"
    The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try.

    The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157."

    The farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.

    Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said.

    "If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"



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