Your best religion joke...?!
Question: 10 points for the best..St. Peter, Moses, the Pope, the Rabbi jokes or any other religion joke.
Answers: 10 points for the best..St. Peter, Moses, the Pope, the Rabbi jokes or any other religion joke.
During his visit to the United States, the Pope met with President Clinton. Instead of just an hour as scheduled, the meeting went on for two days. Finally, a weary President Clinton emerged to face the waiting news media.
The President was smiling and announced the summit was a resounding success. He said he and the Pope agreed on 80% of the matters they discussed. Then Mr. Clinton declared he was going home to the White House to be with his family.
A few minutes later the Pope came out to make his statement. He looked tired, and discouraged, and was practically in tears. Sadly he announced his meeting with the President was a failure.
Incredulous, one reporter asked, "But your Holiness, President Clinton just announced the summit was a great success and the two of you agreed on 80% of the items discussed."
Exasperated, the Pope answered, "Yes, but we were talking about the Ten Commandments."
The pastor was worried because the church needed $4,000 to repair the A/C,
and the bishop was coming to
visit the Sunday after next. They did not have enough money to do the
repairs, and their organist was out
sick, so they had to hire a temporary organist. On Sunday, he made a brief
sermon and said that the A/C
needed repairs. He asked them to pray and then those that would pledge
$100 would stand up while the
organist played some music. He went over to the organist and told her to
play something nice for the
congregation. She started playing the national anthem, and everybody stood
up. The pastor was so excited, he
said "We needed $4,000 and we got over $10,000." He went to ask the
organist "How would you like a
full-time job here?"
Sunday Morning
One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed Little Alex standing in the foyer of
the church staring up at a
large plaque. It was covered with names with small American flags mounted on
either side of it.
The seven year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the
pastor walked up, stood beside
the little boy, and said quietly, Good morning Little Alex." "Good morning
Pastor", he replied, still focused on
the plaque. Pastor, what is this?", asked Alex. The pastor said, "Well,
son, it's a memorial to all
the young men and women who died in the Service." Soberly, they just stood
together, staring at the
large plaque.
Finally, Little Alex's voice, barely audible and trembling with fear, asked,
Which service, the 8:30 or the 10:45?"
Jesus and the devil...
One day the devil decided to drop in on Jesus
As they talked they started arguing about who was the best on the computer. They argued for a while and then decided that they would just have a competition to see who was the best. They both sat down at a computer and started working....
They did spread sheets, typing, programming, web design, surfing the web, playing games, and more! All of a sudden there was a flash of lightning and the power went out!
The devil started screaming, cursing, and throwing a fit because all of the work he had done over the last few hours had been lost! The devil looked over at Jesus and saw him sitting calmly smiling and printing his work.
The devil screamed, "You must be cheating!" "How can you be printing your work when we just lost all of it???"
Jesus just shrugged and said, "It's easy........Jesus Saves"
A very sick Catholic man wakes up one day to a wonderful familiar smell he slowly gathers himself out of bed, struggles downstairs and recognizes the smell as his favorite dessert:chocolate chip cookies He sees his wife making a second batch as the first cools on a wire rack He decides to sneak one while his wife's back is turned He does and gobbles it very quick
Before his wife notices he decides to try again Only this time his wife turns in time to catch him She says, "Hey! What are you doing? Those are for your wake tomorrow!"
The Archbishop of Boston was taking a drive along the North Shore on a fine summer day, and he came across a motorist with a flat tire. The bishop approached the man to offer assistance, but the man took no notice of him, he was struggling with a crowbar, red in the face and cursing up a storm trying unsuccessfully to remove the hubcap. The bishop said softly, "Have you tried prayer, my son?" The man looked back at him, surprised, then he knelt and clasped his hands together, eyes heavenward, whispering fervently. Then he got back up and reapplied the crowbar. Spang! The hubcap popped right off. The bishop's jaw dropped, and he said, "Well I'll be goddamned!"
joke #2
The pope was riding around New York in a limosine, here in the US visiting Cardinal Egan. On a whim, he told the chauffer, "Pull over, I'm driving. I never get to drive." The chauffer was non-plussed, but he assented to the pontiff's wishes. Once behind the wheel, the pope was a menace, having very little experience operating motor vehicles. He either sped up crazily or slammed on the brakes, constantly jumping the curb as he veered from side to side. Cars were honking, pedestrian were leaping out of the way, etc. it was a miracle no one got hurt.
Naturally, he got pulled over. When the policeman (an Irish Catholic) went to the window and saw the very recognizable face of Pope Benedict glowering back at him, he barely stifled a shriek of terror. "J-J-Just one minute, your holiness." Very shaken, he went back to his squad car and got on the phone to the chief of police. "S-S-Sir, I've pulled over a *major* VIP, and I need counsel on he to proceed."
Impatiently, the chief said, "Who is it? A senator, the President? What?"
"M-M-More important than that, sir."
"Tell me who it is, already!"
"Sir, I don't have a clue who it is, but the Pope's driving him around."
Catholic School
Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in Catholic School, usually she slept through the class.
One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping.
"Tell me Mary Margaret, who created the universe?"
When Mary Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.
"God Almighty!" shouted Mary Margaret.
The Nun said, "Very good" and continued teaching her class.
A little later the Nun asked Mary Margaret,
"Who is our Lord and Savior?" But Mary didn't stir from her slumber.
Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the butt. "Jesus Christ!!!" shouted Mary Margaret and the Nun once again said, "Very good," and Mary Margaret fell back
asleep.
The Nun asked her a third question..."What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?"
Again, Johnny came to the rescue.
This time Mary Margaret jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!"
The nun fainted...........
Love it!
srry dont have any