Any very funny jokes?!
Question: I need some jokes for a joke off with my friends at school. PLease help!
Answers: I need some jokes for a joke off with my friends at school. PLease help!
The soldier was tired and sleepy from a long train ride in a miserable old-day coach. On top of this, two fussy old ladies were keeping him awake with argument about a window. One wanted it closed and the other wanted it open. This fuss finally brought the conductor.
"Conductor," said one, "if that window is opened, I'll just freeze to death!"
"And if it is kept closed," whined the other, "I'll suffocate."
The poor conductor didn't know what to do and finally turned to the GI for help. "What would you do, soldier, if it were a military problem?"
"In the Army we handle such problems like a double-prong attack. Open the window and freeze one of them, then close it and suffocate the other
how many seconds are in a year?
there's 12 seconds in a year!!! jan2 feb2 and so on
Yo Mama is so fat she sat on a rainbow and down came the skittles.
Yo Mama so skinny, she turned sideways and disappeared.
Yo Mama is so fat she went in the ocean and all the whales started singing,"We are family".
Yo Mama is so stupid she put a quarter in a parking meter and waited for a gum ball.
Yo Mama is so fat that Iraq threatened her with slim-fast if she didn't fart to intoxicate half the population.
Yo Mama so ugly, I took her to a haunted
There are 2 cowboys in the kitchen. Which one is the real cowboy?
The one on the range.
Do you wanna lose ten pounds of ugly fat?
Cut off your head.
A Horse goes into a bar and the bartender says
"Hey buddy, Why the Long Face"
Q. Where do you find a one legged dog?
A. Where you left it.
Q. What's pink and fluffy
A. Pink fluff
Q. What's blue and fluffy
A. Pink fluff holding it's breath
Two muffins are in the oven.
One says to the other "God it's hot in here"
The other one replies "Oh no... It's a talking muffin"
How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper,
Knock Knock
Who's there !
F-2 !
F-2 who ?
F-2 go to the bathroom !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Falafel !
Falafel who ?
Falafel off my bike and cut my knee !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Fang !
Fang who ?
Fangs for letting me in !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Fang !
Fang who ?
Fangs for the memory !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Fanny !
Fanny who ?
Fanny body calls, I'm out !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Fanny !
Fanny who ?
Fanny body gonna open this door then ?
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Fanny !
Fanny who ?
Fanny Girl !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Fanny !
Fanny who ?
Fanny the way you keep saying " Who's there ?" everytime I knock !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Fanny !
Fanny who ?
Fanny body home !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Fanta !
Fanta who ?
Fanta Claus !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Fantasy !
Fantasy who ?
Fantasy a walk in the park !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Farley !
Farley who ?
Farley the leader !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Farmer !
Farmer who ?
Farmer people here than there were last year !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Farmer !
Farmer who ?
Farmer birthday I'm going to have a new bike !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Farrah !
Farrah who ?
Farrah 'nough !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Fascist !
Fascist who ?
Fascist you can go !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Fasten !
Fasten who ?
Fasten the fire !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Fatso !
Fatso who ?
Fatso the matter with you !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Fax !
Fax who ?
Fax you very much !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Faye !
Faye who ?
Faye all laughed !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Faye !
Faye who ?
Faye Kearings !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Faye !
Faye who ?
Fayed Love !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Felicity !
Felicity who ?
Felicity getting more polluted every day !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Felipe !
Felipe who ?
Felipe bath, I need a wash !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Felix !
Felix who ?
Felix Ited, about meeting you !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Felix !
Felix who ?
Felix-cited all over !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Felix !
Felix who ?
Felix my ice cream, I'll lick his !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Ferdie !
Ferdie who ?
Ferdie last time open this door !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Fergie !
Fergie who ?
Fergie-dness sake let me in !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Ferrer !
Ferrer who ?
Ferrer'vrything there is a season !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Few !
Few who ?
Few, what is that smell !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Fez !
Fez who ?
Fez me, that's who !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Fiddle !
Fiddle ?
Fiddle-dee-dee !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Fiddlesticks !
Fiddlesticks ?
Fiddlesticks out of the bottom of the bed if you're too tall !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Fiddlesticks !
Fiddlesticks ?
Fiddlesticks (Feet'll stick) out if the blanket is too short !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Fido !
Fido who?
Fido known you were coming I'd have left the door open!
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Fifi !
Fifi who?
Fifi-ling cold, let me in !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Figs !
Figs who ?
Figs the doorbell, it's broken !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Fletcher !
Fletcher who ?
Fletcher self go !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Fido !
Fido who ?
Fido I have to wait here ?
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Fiona !
Fiona who ?
Fiona had something better to do do you think we'd be knocking on this door !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Fiona !
Fiona who ?
Fiona had something better to do do you think I'd hang around here !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Fiona !
Fiona who ?
Fiona of the house, I've come for the rent !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Fiona !
Fiona who ?
Fiona lookout for Mum & Dad
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Fish !
Fish who ?
Bless you !
man goes into bar...orders shot of whiskey....slams it.....orders another....slams it...after 10 or 11 shots ,the bartender says "Hey brother....take it easy....why are you throwing down like that?" The man says ,"If you had what I had , you would too!..................Bartender says "What do you have?".......man says, " Fifty cents"...........Har....Har.....Har........ dog"......... do you know the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? the taste.........do you know the difference between a hotdog and a bj? Person says, "NO"........ Ask,"Want to grab a hotdog at lunch?".........
NOOOOOO
How do you make a tissue dance?
Just twirl it around with your fingers.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It would have been more dangerous to cross a mine field
Knock knock (who's there)
who's there who (who's there who who)
who's there who who who
What is at the end of everything?
Tomorrow
How many words are spelled the same backwards as forwards?
None, all words are spelled forwards.
Hear is the best knock knock joke i can remember
knock, knock.
who's there?
nobody.
nobody who?
-------------(just be quiet until they get it)
I don't know if its a really funny on but....:
A man asked Jesus if he could make a wish, Jesus said yes.
So the man wished a bridge from here to Tokyo,
Jesus said sorry i cant do that try another wish.
So the man asked Jesus "How can i understand woman?"
and Jesus said uhhh how many lanes should that bridge have??
What did the Buddist Monk say to the Hot dog vendor?
.
.
.
.
.
.
Make me one with everything.
.
.
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.
.
.
Get it?
these are perfect for contests
Yo momma’s so dumb, when I rang the doorbell, she opened the microwave
Yo momma’s so poor she watches T.V. on a etch-a-sketch
Yo momma’s so ugly she makes blind kids cry
Yo momma’s so ugly her shadow died of embarrassment
Yo momma’s so ugly she turned medusa into stone
You momma’s so ugly, her reflection committed suicide
Yo momma’s so ugly, she makes an onion cry
Yo momma’s so poor she eats cereal with a fork to save milk
Yo momma’s so fat, she uses the freeway as a slip-n-slide
yo momma's so ugly, her pillo cries at night
Yo momma’s so clumsy, she stepped on a crack and broke her own back
Yo momma’s so bald you could see what’s in her mind
Yo mama teeth are so yellow traffic slows down when she smiles
Yo momma’s so ugly, hotel managers use her picture to keep away the rats
Yo momma’s like the sun - if you stare at her too long you're gonna go blind
Yo momma’s so ugly, her face looks like it got caught on fire and they put it out with forks
Yo momma’s so stupid, she stopped at a stop sign and waited for it to say go
Your momma’s so ugly the mailman mistook her as the dog
Yo momma’s teeth are so yellow, I can’t believe it’s not butter
Yo momma’s so dumb, her IQ test came back negative
Yo momma’s so fat when she walked by my house, we didn’t have sunlight for 3 days
Yo momma’s so ugly, even Rice Crispies won’t talk to her
good luck