Chinese humour?!
Question: A plane leaves Los Angeles airport under the control of a Jewish captain. His co-pilot is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike.
Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the auto-pilot, leans back in his seat, and mutters, "I don't like Chinese." "No rike Chinese?" asks the co-pilot, "why not?"
"You people bombed Pearl Harbor, that's why!"
"No, no," the co-pilot protests, "Chinese not bomb Pearl Hahbah! That Japanese, not Chinese."
"Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese...doesn't matter, you're all alike!"
There's a few minutes of silence.
"No rike Jews!" the co-pilot suddenly announces.
"Why not?" asks the captain.
"Jews sink Titanic." "Jews didn't sink the Titanic!" exclaims the captain, "it was an iceberg!"
"Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, Rosenberg, Steinberg, no mattah...all same!"
Answers: A plane leaves Los Angeles airport under the control of a Jewish captain. His co-pilot is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike.
Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the auto-pilot, leans back in his seat, and mutters, "I don't like Chinese." "No rike Chinese?" asks the co-pilot, "why not?"
"You people bombed Pearl Harbor, that's why!"
"No, no," the co-pilot protests, "Chinese not bomb Pearl Hahbah! That Japanese, not Chinese."
"Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese...doesn't matter, you're all alike!"
There's a few minutes of silence.
"No rike Jews!" the co-pilot suddenly announces.
"Why not?" asks the captain.
"Jews sink Titanic." "Jews didn't sink the Titanic!" exclaims the captain, "it was an iceberg!"
"Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, Rosenberg, Steinberg, no mattah...all same!"
Hi K. Excellent joke. I laught so hard, you made my day. You hit the nail on the head. Good for you. Oh, if people get offened, that is there problem. People need to lighten up!!!
badabing, badaboom
lol funny
That is very clever. I like it! I will re-tell it with great joy!
But in fairness, I will give one to you, too:
"What time did the Chinese man go to the dentist?"
"2:30."
Get it? "Tooth-hurtee" LOL.
Great joke.
wow
lol, kinda funny, hmmmmmmmm, oh what the hell!!! hav a star. -snicks
Hahaha, very funny. But it is racist cause I'm asian.
Hahahahahahahhaa
hah xD
lol. that was funny. a tad racist b/c im asian, but still funny. it was evened out with the end of the joke.
I'm Chinese. I feel offended
apple
AHAHAHAHA, that's great! I like it!
my brother enjoyed it as well.
Thank you for posting such entertaining stories.
not bad
Funny!!!!!!
Haha, i like it
come on guys dont take it as racism because its not. its a joke! lighten up a bit guys. some of my best friends are Asian (who i just sent the joke to) and they're all laughing. dont take it so harsh. chill =P
have a star!
ha ha very clever
lol
I really don't get it:(
lol! like that! ; )
this was cute, thanks!
Your joke is very funny. Not offended!! Here is another for you.
It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that, in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really bummer day on the day that you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the next day.
So, the next day at 12:01, the first person came to the gates of Heaven. The Angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, promptly asked the man, "Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your day was going when you died."
"No problem," the man said. "I came home to my 25th floor apartment on my lunch hour and caught my wife having an affair. But her lover was nowhere in sight. I immediately began searching for him. My wife was half naked and yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment. Just as I was about to give up, I happened to glance out onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips! The nerve of that guy! I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his fingers until he fell to the ground. But wouldn't you know it, he landed in some trees and bushes that broke his fall and he didn't die.
This ticks me off even more. In a rage, I went back inside to get the first thing I could find to throw at him. Oddly enough, the first thing I thought of was the refrigerator. I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony, and tipped it over the side. It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him! The excitement of the moment was so great that I had a heart attack and died almost instantly."
The angel sat back and thought a moment. Technically, the guy DID have a bad day. It was a crime of passion. So, the Angel announced, "OK, sir. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and let him in.
A few seconds later the next guy came in, Vernon Jordan. "Mr. Jordan, before I can let you in, I need to hear about what your day was like when you died." Jordan said, "No problem. But you're not going to believe this. I was on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises. I had been under a lot of pressure so I was really pushing hard to relieve my stress. I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and accidentally fell over the side! Luckily, I was able to catch myself by the fingertips on the balcony below mine.
But all of a sudden this crazy man comes running out of his apartment, starts cussing, and stomps on my fingers. Well, of course I fell. I hit some trees and bushes at the bottom which broke my fall so I didn't die right away.
As I'm laying there, face up on the ground, unable to move and in excruciating pain, I see this guy push his refrigerator of all things off the balcony. It falls the 25 floors and lands on top of me killing me instantly."
The Angel is quietly laughing to himself as Jordan finishes his story. I could get used to this new policy, he thinks to himself. "Very well," the Angel announces. "Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and lets Vernon enter.
A few seconds later, President Clinton comes up to the gate. The Angel is almost too shocked to speak. Thoughts of assassination and war pour through the Angel's head. Finally he says, "Mr. President, please tell me what it was like the day you died."
Clinton says, "OK, picture this. I'm naked, hiding in a refrigerator..."
Very funny.