Can any one tell me some good jokes?!
Question: i mean good lmao jokes not corny what do u call a ... with a.. jokes
Answers: i mean good lmao jokes not corny what do u call a ... with a.. jokes
FREE SPIRITS
A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu...
+ Tourist: $5
+ Broiled Missionary: $10.00
+ Fried Explorer: $15.00
+ Baked Democrat or Grilled Republican: $100.00
The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, 'Why such a price difference for the Politician?' The cook replied, "Have you ever tried to clean one? They're so full of s**t, it takes all morning."
what do you call two black people in a sleeping bag??
TWIX !!
-an irish man walks out of a bar
-and irish man passes a bar
p.s. im irish
<332
how do u make a blonde laugh on Sunday??
U tell her the joke on Wednesday
One day a blonde is driving along the road when she sees another frustrated blonde out in the middle of the open field in a row boat. She pulls over and immediatly starts yelling.
"It's blondes like you that give us blondes a bad name!!! And if i could swim i would come out there and kick your butt!!!"
one day an old man was walking along cheerily when he saw a small boy sat by the side of the road crying loudly, the old man stopped and asked the young lad what was the matter
the young boy turned looked up to the old man and said "the bigger boys laughed at him for having a small willy" upon hearing this the old man sat down next to the boy and cried as well ! :)
Why don't you date a woman you meet in the Laundromat ?
If she doesn't have enough money to buy a washing machine, how she going to support you.
Eating the piece of fruit
Two Polish guys were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train. A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they'd never seen before. Each bought one.
The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel. When the train emerged from the tunnel, he looked across to his friend and said, "I wouldn't eat that if I were you."
"Why not?"
"I took one bite and went blind for half a minute."
ICE FISHING
1. bring can of peas and club
2. cut hole in ice
3. place peas one by one around hole
4. when the fish jumps out to take a pea, hit'em with the club
To My Dearest Wife,
During the past year, I have attempted to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of only once every 10 days. The following is a list of why I didn't succeed more often:
We will wake the kids - 54 times
It's too late - 15 times
I'm too tired - 42 times
It's too early - 12 times
It's too hot - 18 times
Pretending to be asleep - 31 times
The neighbors will hear - 9 times
Headache or backache - 26 times
Sunburn - 10 times
Your mother will hear us - 9 times
Not in the mood - 21 times
Watching the late show - 17 times
Too sore - 26 times
New hairdo - 6 times
Wrong time of the month - 14 times
You had to go to the bathroom - 19 times
Of the 36 times that I DID succeed, the result was not always satisfying because 6 times you just laid there, 8 times you reminded me that there was a crack in the ceiling, 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I had to wake you up to tell you I was finished, and once I was afraid that I had hurt you because you started thrashing around and breathing heavy. Let's try to improve this, shall we??
Love, Your Hubby
To My Dearest Husband,
I think things are a little confused. Here are the REAL reasons you didn't get more than you did this past year:
Came home drunk and tried to screw the cat - 23 times
Did not come home at all - 36 times
Did not come - 21 times
Came too soon - 38 times
Went soft before you got it in - 19 times
Cramps in your leg - 16 times
Working too late - 33 times
You had a rash, probably from a toilet seat - 29 times
Caught yourself in your zipper - 15 times
You had a cold and your nose kept running - 21 times
You had burned your tongue on hot coffee - 9 times
You had a splinter in your finger - 11 times
You lost the notion after thinking about it - 42 times
Came in your pajamas after reading a dirty book - 16 times
The reason I laid still was because you had missed me and were screwing the sheet. You seemed to be having a good time and I didn't want to move and spoil it for you. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling. What I said was, "Would you like me on my back or kneeling?" The time I was thrashing around and gasping was when you farted and I was fighting for air. Maybe you can work on your "shortcomings?"
Love, Your Wife
Did you hear about the Irish firing squad... they formed a circle.
Why did the golfer take two pairs of trousers with him? Just in case he gets a 'hole in one'!
Things not to say to a cop when your pulled over...
- Come on write the damn ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes!
- Aren't you one of the Village People?