Can you tell me your best joke? 10 pts for the funniest!?!
Question: ok heres mine...
there once was a guy who runs up and don a mountian once everyday. one day he see's a girl who looks like shes going to jump off. he asks the girl to have sx before she jumps, and she does. suprised the guy askes her why she was going to jump off, and she says "my family disowned me for dressing like a girl."
Answers: ok heres mine...
there once was a guy who runs up and don a mountian once everyday. one day he see's a girl who looks like shes going to jump off. he asks the girl to have sx before she jumps, and she does. suprised the guy askes her why she was going to jump off, and she says "my family disowned me for dressing like a girl."
Teacher: *points to Johnny* OK Johnny, tell us your riddle!
Johnny: *gets up and stands in front of class* What starts with 'F' and ends with 'uck'?
Teacher: *gasps*
Nobody raises their hand.
Johnny: Firetruck!
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A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."
Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!"
"This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."
Then she hands the bottle to the man, The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.
The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."
______________________________...
A husband and wife were involved in an argument, both
of them unwilling to admit they might be in error.
"I'll admit I'm wrong," the wife told her husband, "if you'll admit I'm right."
He agreed and, like a gentleman, insisted she go first.
"I'm wrong," she said.
With a twinkle in his eye, he responded, "You're right!"
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A woman rushed into the supermarket to pick up a few
items. She headed for the express line where the clerk
was talking on the phone with his back turned to her.
"Excuse me," she said, "I'm in a hurry. Could you check
me out?"
The clerk turned, stared at her for a second, looked her
up and down, smiled and said, "Not bad."
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There are three girls a blond, a brunette, and a red-head.They are walking through a forest.The Brunette says " Eagle" and she turns into an eagle and flys away. The Red-head says " Sparrow" and she flys away as a sparrow. The blond trips over the root of tree and says ''Oh poo".
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A man is driving along a highway
and sees a rabbit jump out
across the middle of the road.
He swerves to avoid hitting it,
but unfortunately
the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.
The driver,
a sensitive man as well as an animal lover,
pulls over and gets out to see
what has become of the rabbit.
Much to his dismay,
the rabbit is dead.
The driver feels so awful
that he begins to cry.
A beautiful blonde woman
driving down the highway
sees a man crying on the
side of the road
and pulls over.
She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong.
"I feel terrible," !
he explains,
"I accidentally hit this rabbit
and killed it."
The blonde says,
"Don't worry."
She runs to her car
and pulls out a spray can.
She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit,
bends down,
and sprays the contents onto the rabbit.
The rabbit jumps up,
waves its paw at the two of them
and hops off down the road.
Ten feet away the rabbit stops,
turns around and waves again,
he hops down the road another 10 feet,
turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves,
and repeats this again and again and again,
until he hops out of sight.
The man is astonished.
He runs over to the woman and demands,
"What is in that can?
What did you spray on that rabbit?"
The woman turns the can around
so that the man can read the label.
It says..
>>>> >>
>>>> >>
>>>> >>
>>>> >>
>>>> >>
>>>> >>
>>>> >>
>>>> >>
>>>> >>
>>>> >>
"Hair Spray -
Restores life to dead hair,
and adds permanent wave."
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TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.
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TEACHER: Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK: Because of the sign..
TEACHER: What sign?
FRANK: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
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TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
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TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
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TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday ! you said it's H to O.
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TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have to day that we didn't
have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
______________________________...
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
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TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE: I is...
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."
MILLIE: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
______________________________...
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry
tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his
father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the ax in his hand.
______________________________...
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________...
TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as
your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, teacher, it's the same dog.
______________________________...
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on
talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher.
_______________________________
A lady was taking a shower and the doorbell rang. It was a racecar driver. She put on her bathrobe and went outside.
"Aren't you going to congratulate me? I just won a race!"
"Congratulations!"
And the lady went back in the shower.
A few minutes later, the doorbell rang again! This time, it was a couple with a baby. She put on her bathrobe and went outside.
"Aren't you going to congratulate us? We just had a baby!"
"Congratulations!"
And the lady went back in the shower.
A few minutes later, the doorbell rang agian! This time, it was the blind man. Since he was blind the lady didn't bother putting her bathrobe on. The lady went outside.
"Aren't you going to congratulate me?" The blind man said, "I can see agiain!"
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A pretty young lady went to a fabric store with her grandfather. She asked the man working there, "How much does a yard of fabric cost?" The man smirked and replied, "Three kisses a yard." The lady nodded and bought 5 yards. The man headed toward her, ready for her to pay the price. She turned and said to the man, "Grandpa will pay the bill."
lol urs funny. i dont feel like telling u a joke rite now tho, srry, good bye now. ps. u get a star. (but wouldnt the guy notice when they were having sex, lol) -snicks
ok so a kid is in school and they are working on compound words. one of his classmates say wheelbarrow, another says dragon fly. the little boy raises his hamd and says asphault.
wanna hear a dirty joke>>> barney fell in mud
wanna hear a clean joke >>> barney took a bath with bubbles
wanna hear a dirty joke >>> bubbles was the lil girl next door
.....kinda of corny but kinda funny
This guy goes to his doctor and ask how he could add one inch to his penis.
The doctor said, nothing he could do, but there is one solution.
If you walk down a street and sneeze and a nun happen to say god bless you my son. It will grow one inch.
Ten years later the guy walk down the street and start to sneeze and a nun happen to walk by, saying to him. God bless you a thousand times my son.
a man walks into a bar and asks the barman for a double whisky, the barman pours the mans drink and says "rough day" the man looks at the barman and say "yeah something like that, my eldest sons just told me he's gay". The next day the man returns to the bar and orders two double whisky's, the barman then says "what now? another bad day?" the man looks at the barman and says "my youngest son came out of the closet to me today" the barman nodded and gave the man his drinks. The next day the man is back again he sits at the bar and says to barman "ill need the bottle today" with this the barman said "bloody hell does nobody in your family like women?" the man looked up and said "yeah my wife!"
thats funny what about this one (hope u like blonde jokes)
A very stupid yet beautiful blonde applys for a job in a candy store, but the manger notices she is very stupid and tells her the store doesn't need her. She begs for the job and tells him she really needs the money. The manager feels sorry for the girl and agrees to give her a job. He would pay her, but not trust her with anything that counted on an employee. The manager said, "Why don't you sort the MnM's in alphabetical order?" The blonde happily agrees. A few minutes later, the blonde calls the manager. "She isn't so dumb after all," the manager thinks. The blonde asks, "Manager, manager! Does the 3 come after the M, W, or E?"