A scottish joke,ha,ha.?!
Question: Teacher:
'Good morning children. Today is Thursday, so we're going to have a
general knowledge quiz. The pupil who gets the answer right can have
Friday and Monday off and not come back to school until Tuesday.'
WeeJock thinks, 'Ya dancer. Ah'm pure dead brilliant at ma general knowledge
stuff. This is gonnae be a dawdle. Come oan ya radge, a lang
weekend fir me.'
Teacher:
'Right class, who can tell me who said, 'Don't ask what your country can
do for you, but what you can do for your country.''
Wee Jock shoots up his hand, waving furiously in the air. Instead however,
teacher looks round and picks Richard at the front. 'Yes, Richard?'
Richard
(in a very English accent): 'Yes miss, the answer is J F Kennedy inauguration
speech 1960.'
Teacher:
'Very good Richard. You may stay off Friday and Monday and we will see
you back in class on Tuesday.
The next Thursday comes around and Wee Jock is even more determined.
Teacher:
'Who said 'We will fight them on the beaches, we will fight them in the
air, we will fight them at sea. But we will never surrender'?'
Wee Jock's hand shoots up, arm stiff as a board, shouting 'I know. I
know. Me Miss, me Miss'. Teacher looking around picks Timothy
sitting at the front. 'Yes Timothy.'
Timothy(in a very, very posh English accent):
'Yes Miss, the answer is Winston
Churchill, 1941 Battle of Britain speech.'
Teacher:
'Very good Timothy, you may stay off Friday and Monday and come back to class
on Tuesday.'
The following Thursday comes around and Wee Jock is hyper, he's been studying
encyclopaedias all week and he's ready for anything that comes.
He's coiled in his wee chair, slavers dripping in anticipation.
Teacher:
'Who said 'One small step for man, one giant leap for
mankind'?' Wee Jock's arm shoots straight in the air, he's standing
on his seat, jumping up and down screaming 'Me Miss, me Miss, meeeee.'
Teacher looking round the class picks Rupert sitting at the front.
'Yes Rupert.'
Rupert
(in a frightfully frightfully, ever so plummy English accent):
'Yes Miss, that was Neil Armstrong 1969, the first moon landing.'
Teacher:
'Very good Rupert. You may stay off Friday and Monday and come back into
class on Tuesday.'
At which point Wee Jock loses the plot altogether. He tips his desk and
throws his wee chair at the wall. He starts screaming 'Where the f**k did
all these English ba**ards come from?' Teacher looking round the class,
angrily: 'Who said that?!!'
Wee Jock grabs his coat and heads for the exit, 'Bonnie Prince Charlie, Culloden,
1746. See yeh on Tuesday ya old cow!'
Answers: Teacher:
'Good morning children. Today is Thursday, so we're going to have a
general knowledge quiz. The pupil who gets the answer right can have
Friday and Monday off and not come back to school until Tuesday.'
WeeJock thinks, 'Ya dancer. Ah'm pure dead brilliant at ma general knowledge
stuff. This is gonnae be a dawdle. Come oan ya radge, a lang
weekend fir me.'
Teacher:
'Right class, who can tell me who said, 'Don't ask what your country can
do for you, but what you can do for your country.''
Wee Jock shoots up his hand, waving furiously in the air. Instead however,
teacher looks round and picks Richard at the front. 'Yes, Richard?'
Richard
(in a very English accent): 'Yes miss, the answer is J F Kennedy inauguration
speech 1960.'
Teacher:
'Very good Richard. You may stay off Friday and Monday and we will see
you back in class on Tuesday.
The next Thursday comes around and Wee Jock is even more determined.
Teacher:
'Who said 'We will fight them on the beaches, we will fight them in the
air, we will fight them at sea. But we will never surrender'?'
Wee Jock's hand shoots up, arm stiff as a board, shouting 'I know. I
know. Me Miss, me Miss'. Teacher looking around picks Timothy
sitting at the front. 'Yes Timothy.'
Timothy(in a very, very posh English accent):
'Yes Miss, the answer is Winston
Churchill, 1941 Battle of Britain speech.'
Teacher:
'Very good Timothy, you may stay off Friday and Monday and come back to class
on Tuesday.'
The following Thursday comes around and Wee Jock is hyper, he's been studying
encyclopaedias all week and he's ready for anything that comes.
He's coiled in his wee chair, slavers dripping in anticipation.
Teacher:
'Who said 'One small step for man, one giant leap for
mankind'?' Wee Jock's arm shoots straight in the air, he's standing
on his seat, jumping up and down screaming 'Me Miss, me Miss, meeeee.'
Teacher looking round the class picks Rupert sitting at the front.
'Yes Rupert.'
Rupert
(in a frightfully frightfully, ever so plummy English accent):
'Yes Miss, that was Neil Armstrong 1969, the first moon landing.'
Teacher:
'Very good Rupert. You may stay off Friday and Monday and come back into
class on Tuesday.'
At which point Wee Jock loses the plot altogether. He tips his desk and
throws his wee chair at the wall. He starts screaming 'Where the f**k did
all these English ba**ards come from?' Teacher looking round the class,
angrily: 'Who said that?!!'
Wee Jock grabs his coat and heads for the exit, 'Bonnie Prince Charlie, Culloden,
1746. See yeh on Tuesday ya old cow!'
here pal that wiz funny as fu?k ah thot it wiz gony be yin oh they anti scottish jokes but it wizny am poroud oh you son ye dun us aw proud stick it up these cu^ts English BANGERS...
all the best ....
Thats a bad kid!!!! lol
ha ha very good have a star
Very good!
This could only have been posted by an ENGLISH WANKER !
hahahaha! brilliant...worth a star.
Does this mean that the scots have a sense of humour?
Very long but well worth the read ha ha ha ,,,,,
PMSL!!!!!!!!!
psml........ very funny.
xxx
lol thats a good one xxx
HAHAHAHAHAHA ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!
thats got tae be the best thin ave read in ages
pure dead brilliant here hae a star