(Glesga) Glasgow funnys,,?!
Question: If you like these give it a star,,,,,,,
GLESGA STORIES
This bloke is sitting reading his Daily Record when his wife
sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the head with a frying pan.
"Whit wis that fur?" he cries.
"That wis for the piece of paper in yir trooser pockets with the
name Mary-Rose written oan it," said she.
"Don't be daft," he explains, "two weeks ago when I went to the
races Mary-Rose wis the name of one o' the horses I bet on.
" She seems satisfied and apologises, and goes off to do work
around the house.
Three days later he's again sitting in his chair reading when she
nails him again with the frying pan, knocking him out cold.
When he comes around, he says, "whit the hell wis that fur?"
"Your horse phoned!" she said.
.........................................
A wee Glesga man and a woman who have never met before find
themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train,
After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to
sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.
In the middle of the night, the woman leans over and says,
"I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm freezing and I was wondering if
you could possibly pass me another blanket."
The man leans out and with a glint in his eye, says,
"I've got a better idea, let's kid-on we're married.
The woman giggles and says, "Why not".
"Good", he replies. "Get your own ' blanket!"
.........................................
A Glesga woman from Glasgow's west-end was staying in a hotel in
Edinburgh, she phoned room service for some pepper.
"Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the >concierge.
"Toilet pepper! You bloody eejit"
.........................................
A wee Glesga boy comes home from school and tells his mother
he's been given a part in the school play.
"Wonderful. Whit part is it?" she asks.
The boy says, "I play the part of the Scottish husband." The
mother scowls and says, "Go back an' tell that
teacher you want a speaking part!"
........................
One day the Primary! 1 teacher was reading the story of the
Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the
story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the
building materials for his home.
She read, "...And so the pig went up to the man with the
wheelbarrow full of straw and said, Pardon me sir, but may I
have some of that straw to build my house?"
The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you
think that man said?"
One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said
Hell! A talking pig!'"
.........................................
A wee Glesga woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining
room, waiting for the doctor to come in.
The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight,
found it somewhat below normal, and asked if the baby was breast fed or
bottle fed.
"Breast fed," she replied.
Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered.
She did.
He pressed, kneaded, rolled, cupped, and pinched both breasts
for a while in a detailed, rigorously thorough examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed he said, "No wonder this baby
is under weight. You don't have any milk !"
I know," she said, "ah'm his Granny, but I'm glad I came!
Answers: If you like these give it a star,,,,,,,
GLESGA STORIES
This bloke is sitting reading his Daily Record when his wife
sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the head with a frying pan.
"Whit wis that fur?" he cries.
"That wis for the piece of paper in yir trooser pockets with the
name Mary-Rose written oan it," said she.
"Don't be daft," he explains, "two weeks ago when I went to the
races Mary-Rose wis the name of one o' the horses I bet on.
" She seems satisfied and apologises, and goes off to do work
around the house.
Three days later he's again sitting in his chair reading when she
nails him again with the frying pan, knocking him out cold.
When he comes around, he says, "whit the hell wis that fur?"
"Your horse phoned!" she said.
.........................................
A wee Glesga man and a woman who have never met before find
themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train,
After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to
sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.
In the middle of the night, the woman leans over and says,
"I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm freezing and I was wondering if
you could possibly pass me another blanket."
The man leans out and with a glint in his eye, says,
"I've got a better idea, let's kid-on we're married.
The woman giggles and says, "Why not".
"Good", he replies. "Get your own ' blanket!"
.........................................
A Glesga woman from Glasgow's west-end was staying in a hotel in
Edinburgh, she phoned room service for some pepper.
"Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the >concierge.
"Toilet pepper! You bloody eejit"
.........................................
A wee Glesga boy comes home from school and tells his mother
he's been given a part in the school play.
"Wonderful. Whit part is it?" she asks.
The boy says, "I play the part of the Scottish husband." The
mother scowls and says, "Go back an' tell that
teacher you want a speaking part!"
........................
One day the Primary! 1 teacher was reading the story of the
Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the
story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the
building materials for his home.
She read, "...And so the pig went up to the man with the
wheelbarrow full of straw and said, Pardon me sir, but may I
have some of that straw to build my house?"
The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you
think that man said?"
One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said
Hell! A talking pig!'"
.........................................
A wee Glesga woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining
room, waiting for the doctor to come in.
The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight,
found it somewhat below normal, and asked if the baby was breast fed or
bottle fed.
"Breast fed," she replied.
Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered.
She did.
He pressed, kneaded, rolled, cupped, and pinched both breasts
for a while in a detailed, rigorously thorough examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed he said, "No wonder this baby
is under weight. You don't have any milk !"
I know," she said, "ah'm his Granny, but I'm glad I came!
hahahaha!!! fecking superb jokes***
go glesga!
R U fae glesga, if yeah wit scheme?
me fae pollok
glesga jokes are the best
(A Glasgow woman goes to the dentist and settles down in the chair.
'Comfy?'asks the dentist.
'Govan,' she replies.)
Those are funny as hekk! Thanks for sharing!