What is da best joke u have ever heard?!


Question: Here are my favorites:

...please don't be offended:

(1)Here's one that's a bit vulger and long:

There's a trucker driving along the highway in Nevada, and he starts to get really horny. He then sees a sign for a Brothel (whore house) 10 miles away. He begins to get very excited when he spots a note at the bottom of the sign which says: "Beware of Sandpaper Sally." He thinks this is a bit wierd but keeps driving and gets hornier and hornier. He finally gets to the Brothel, throws money down on the table, and says: "I want a whore." to which a woman repeats: "Okay, but the only girl we have left is Sally." He decides to take the offer and runs up to the room he's told Sally is in. He opens the door and sees the prettiest blond he's ever seen in his life, throws her down on the bed and procedes to have his way with her when he notices that she is a bit rough and dry down there. He asks what's wrong with her and she gets up and goes to the bathroom. She comes back and they start again. He says that it feels great and asks what she did. To which she replies:"I picked the scabs."

(2)Here's another:

Two guys are sitting at the bar, guy 1 turns to guy 2 and says, "I f*cked your mom!"
The bar goes silent, and everyone turns and looks at the two guys.
Once again guy 1 says, "I f*cked your mom!"
To which guy 2 replies, "Shut up dad, you're drunk."

(3)...and another:

There's a man walking through the desert with only his camel, when suddenly he gets the urge to have sex. Seeing that there's no one around, he tries to screw the camel, but it runs off. He runs and catches up to it and the man and his camel keep treking through the desert, when all of a sudden he gets the urge again. The man tries to have his way with the camel again, and once again it runs off. He catches up again and they keep walking until they get to a road where he sees a car broken down. The man goes up to the car and sees three of the most breath taking young women he's ever seen in his life, and asks if he can help. The women say that if the man can fix their car that they'll do ANYTHING for him, so he takes a look at their car and gets it running. Stunned, the young women ask what he would like them to do. To which the man replies, "Can you hold my camel?"

(4)One more:

Three men get snowed in at a ski resort and have to get a room. When they get to the room, they notice that there is only one bed. They figure that this isn't a problem and that they'll share the bed. They wake up the next morning and the man sleeping on the right side of the bed said, "I had the best dream that this beautiful woman was jerking me off all night!"
The man who slept on the left side of the bed said, "That's wierd, I had the same dream!"
To which the man who slept in the middle replied, "Uh oh... I had a dream that I was skiing!"


Answers: Here are my favorites:

...please don't be offended:

(1)Here's one that's a bit vulger and long:

There's a trucker driving along the highway in Nevada, and he starts to get really horny. He then sees a sign for a Brothel (whore house) 10 miles away. He begins to get very excited when he spots a note at the bottom of the sign which says: "Beware of Sandpaper Sally." He thinks this is a bit wierd but keeps driving and gets hornier and hornier. He finally gets to the Brothel, throws money down on the table, and says: "I want a whore." to which a woman repeats: "Okay, but the only girl we have left is Sally." He decides to take the offer and runs up to the room he's told Sally is in. He opens the door and sees the prettiest blond he's ever seen in his life, throws her down on the bed and procedes to have his way with her when he notices that she is a bit rough and dry down there. He asks what's wrong with her and she gets up and goes to the bathroom. She comes back and they start again. He says that it feels great and asks what she did. To which she replies:"I picked the scabs."

(2)Here's another:

Two guys are sitting at the bar, guy 1 turns to guy 2 and says, "I f*cked your mom!"
The bar goes silent, and everyone turns and looks at the two guys.
Once again guy 1 says, "I f*cked your mom!"
To which guy 2 replies, "Shut up dad, you're drunk."

(3)...and another:

There's a man walking through the desert with only his camel, when suddenly he gets the urge to have sex. Seeing that there's no one around, he tries to screw the camel, but it runs off. He runs and catches up to it and the man and his camel keep treking through the desert, when all of a sudden he gets the urge again. The man tries to have his way with the camel again, and once again it runs off. He catches up again and they keep walking until they get to a road where he sees a car broken down. The man goes up to the car and sees three of the most breath taking young women he's ever seen in his life, and asks if he can help. The women say that if the man can fix their car that they'll do ANYTHING for him, so he takes a look at their car and gets it running. Stunned, the young women ask what he would like them to do. To which the man replies, "Can you hold my camel?"

(4)One more:

Three men get snowed in at a ski resort and have to get a room. When they get to the room, they notice that there is only one bed. They figure that this isn't a problem and that they'll share the bed. They wake up the next morning and the man sleeping on the right side of the bed said, "I had the best dream that this beautiful woman was jerking me off all night!"
The man who slept on the left side of the bed said, "That's wierd, I had the same dream!"
To which the man who slept in the middle replied, "Uh oh... I had a dream that I was skiing!"

how do 4 gay guys sit in one chair comfortably?
















you flip it over and they each sit on one leg.
Haha
sorry--not prejuduce or anything

Three Brazilian Soldiers

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.

Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"

Luke skywalker and Han Solo were walking along a street together. Luke suddenly drops his pants in front of Han. What does Han say?

Answer: Put Jabba back in his hut

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want". The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you, anyway."

two old ladies sat on a park bench

a streaker runs by

one has a stroke

the other can't reach

do know what burns my ***?
a fire this high

why did the chicken cross the road...to get to the chicken strip club.

Nock. Nock - Who is it - No one - No one who ... ? No one who ... No one who ...No one who ?????????????????

hmm i cant rememeber but i remember this
i threw milk from my mouth and nose


oo i know one tho

a smart blonde and a dumb blonde and santa clause all jump from a 5 story buliding who makes it to the bottom first??

the dumb blonde its the only one dat exist hahahaha

not being mean or racist =D

One Eddie Murphy told in his video "Raw"....

A bear and a rabbit are taking a sh*t in the woods...
The bear says to the rabbit...
Do you have trouble with sh*t sticking to your fur?
The rabbit says no...
So the bear picks up the rabbit and wipes his azz with it. :)

Girls night out
Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'

Humour is a very personal thing. I like limericks. Such as ;-

There was a young lady from Bude
Who went on the stage in the nude
a young fellow up front stood up and said c****
just like that right out loud - bloody rude.

the singing head

Why did the man cross the road?


Because he had his penis stuck in a chicken.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the otherside.

Jokes like this one are simple and thats what i love about them cos they make you laugh not because of the actual "joke" but because of the simplisity.

Why did the chicken cross the road?


To get to the other side!!!

there are these three girls.They were gonna be stranded on an desert and was allowed to bring only one thing.The first girl brought a bowl of fruit. The person asked "Why did you bring a bowl of fruit?"The first girl replied"That way when I am hungry I can eat it." The second girl brought a big bottle of water. The person asked "Why did you bring a bottle of water?" The second girl replied"So that way if I'm thirsty I can drink it." The third girl brought a car door.The person asked "why did you bring a car door?"The third girl answered "That way when I'm hot i can roll the window down!"

HA

What do you call a black guy flying a plane?


a PILOT you F*#$ing racist!

An engineer, a mathematician, and a smart eleck had a bet-whoever could make the biggest shape with 24 foot of fence would get $500.
The engineer made 6 by 6 square. Area = 36 sq ft.
The mathematician made a circle with a circumfrence of 24.
Area = ~46 sq ft.
The smart eleck made a 6 by 6 square with a sign in the middle that said "This is the outside. P.S. You owe me $500."
Area = Area of the Earth - 36 sq ft.

P.S. Why does everyone hate Bush? Because MTV and the liberals do. You people do realize that on a political spectrum liberalism is right next to communism don't you?

i haven't heard any good joke so far.do u have one?

The one from Willie Nelson in The Dukes of Hazard Movie:

What do you get when you cross a donkey and an onion?
.
.
.
.
.
.
a piece of a*s that will make you cry

*sarcasm* GEORGE BUSH IS THE BEST PRESIDENT EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...

JACK AND JILL WENT UP A HILL THEY BOTH HAD A BUCK AND A QUATER,JILL CAME DOWN WITH TO FIFTY LOL OK



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