Doesn't ANYONE Like Rude Jokes?!


Question: Nearly everyone on here don't like rude jokes.

Well what is the point in telling jokes if they're not rude???

Anybody got any good rude jokes, put em on here!!!!!

xXx


Answers: Nearly everyone on here don't like rude jokes.

Well what is the point in telling jokes if they're not rude???

Anybody got any good rude jokes, put em on here!!!!!

xXx

i do .. but dont really find any ..


New Bride

Concerned about her relationship, a woman approaches her doctor and says, "Doc, I'm getting married this weekend and my fiance thinks I'm a virgin & I'm not! Is there anything you can do to help me?"

The doctor says, "Medically, no, but here's something you can try. On the wedding night, when you're getting ready for bed, take an elastic band and slide it to your upper thigh. When your husband puts it in, snap the elastic band and tell him it's your virginity snapping."

The woman loves this idea and knows her hubby will fall for this. They have a beautiful wedding and retire to the honeymoon suite. The wife gets ready for bed in the bathroom, slips the elastic band up her leg, finishes preparing and climbs into bed with her man.

Things begin to progress - her hubby "slips it in" and just then she snaps the elastic band. The hubby asks, "What the heck was that?"

The wife explains, "Oh nothing honey, that was just my virginity snapping."

The husband cries out, "Well snap it again, it's got my balls!"


this isnt rude but its funny lol



Help I'm stuck

A man is driving along the motorway with his wife in the passenger seat. During the drive, the wife gets an idea. She starts taking off her clothing piece by piece and tossing them out the window.

The guy is shocked but aroused. She gets her shoes, socks, etc. and chucks them out. Finally, she whips her underwear off and throws it all out onto the motorway. The guy is laughing and leering at her. He looses control of the car in the process and crashes into a barrier at the side.

Unfortunately, the air-bag doesn't go off on his side, and he finds himself wedged in under the steering wheel. "Help, go get help......aggghhhh, I'm stuck", he shouts.

"But I have no clothes on. What'll I do ?", she screams.

"Here", he says wiggling his foot, "Take my shoe and put it over your crotch. It'll have to do, love. Quick, hurry!"

She takes the shoe off his foot and places it over her crotch and gets out of the car, limping and shouting for help. After a few hundred yards of yelling and running a trucker notices this naked hysterical woman holding a shoe over her crotch, and pulls over.

"What's seems to be the trouble?", he asks.

"Help me", she screams, "My husband is stuck".

"If he's stuck up that far I'm afraid I can't help you."

i know. everytime i look for a rude joke on here, people call me sick. i cant think of one now but i give you a star for being cool and finding rude jokoes funny.

Lol rude jokes are the best.

My favorite one, which I made up btw, is:

What's the best thing about having sex with 21 year olds?

There's 20 of them ; )

Yes i do.

sorry i dont like'um

wow they are missing out. Rude stuff is great!

i no!!! rude jokes r the best lol
i have one!!

ok so u make sure its wet, then stick two fingers inside, mayb 3 depending on how big it is. move ur fingers up and down reli fast....

yes thts how u wash a cup! y wot wer u thinkin?
lol

i don't mind but i can't why my joke question was removed i mean it wasn't that rude people can't take jokes these days i swear.Not actually swearing.

whats the difference between acne and a priest?
acne waits til you're 14 before it comes on your face!

i know what you mean i like rude jokes i mean not LIKE but i find them amusing and funny
if people dont want to hear rude jokes dont get on the joke section DUH

I do

Rude Jokes Are Class

Read These

1. A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.

"I'm sorry sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer, I'll smell it and order from there."

A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. "Ah, yes that's what I'll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes."

Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner's wife and he tells her what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves.

Several days later the blind man returns and the owner mistakingly brings him a menu again. "Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."

"I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork."

The owner again retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man. After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great, I'll take the Macaroni and chesse with broccoli."

Once again walking away in disbelief, the owner things the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him. The blind man eats and leaves.

He returns the following week, but this time the owner see's him coming and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, "Mary, rub this fork on your panties before I take it to the blind man." Mary complies and hands her husband the fork back.

As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting. "Good afternoon sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you."

The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff and says, "Hey! I didn't know that Mary worked here!"



2.Seven wise men with knowledge so fine,
created a ***** to their design.


First was a butcher, with smart wit,
using a knife, he gave it a slit,

Second was a carpenter, strong and bold,
with a hammer and chisel, he gave it a hole,

Third was a tailor, tall and thin,
by using red velvet, he lined it within,

Fourth was a hunter, short and stout,
with a piece of fox fur, he lined it without,

Fifth was a fisherman, nasty as hell,
threw in a fish and gave it a smell,

Sixth was a preacher, whose name was McGee,
touched it and blessed it, and said it could pee,

Last was a sailor, dirty little runt,
who sucked it and fucked it, and called it a ****.


3.A man went to a urologist and told him that he was having a problem and that he was unable to get his penis erect. After a complete exam the doctor told the man that the muscles around the base of his penis were damaged from a prior viral infection and there was nothing he could do for him.

However, he knew of an experimental treatment that might work, if he were willing to take the risk. The treatment consisted of implanting muscle tissue from an elephant's trunk in the man's penis.

The man thought about it for a while. The thought of going through life without ever experiencing sex again was just too much for him to bear. So, with the assurance that there would be no cruelty or adverse effect on the elephant, the man decided to go for it. A few weeks after the operation, he was given the green light to use his newly renovated equipment.

As a result, he planned a romantic evening with his girlfriend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in the city. However, in the middle of dinner he felt a stirring between his legs that continued to the point of being extremely painful. To release the pressure, he unzipped his fly and immediately his penis sprang from his pants, went to the top of the table, grabbed a roll, then returned to his pants.

His girlfriend was stunned at first, but then with a sly smile on her face said: "That was incredible. Can you do that again?"

With his eyes watering, he replied: "I think I can, but I'm not sure if I can fit another roll up my ****."

4.On a business trip to the Orient, Joe decided to spend his last night having wild sex with a Geisha Girl.

Upon returning home three weeks later, he noticed a very weird green, festering sore growing on his penis.

He went to the doctor, Dr. Jones, who, after hearing of his Orient trip and extracurricular activities, told him he had Hong Kong Dong and the only cure was complete amputation.

Joe was horrified, and decided to get a second opinion. Joe contacted Dr. Smith and showed him the green growth. Dr. Smith said, "I am sorry but Dr. Jones is correct. We must amputate right away".

Joe could not accept this. His friend suggested that he visit an oriental doctor. They must deal with this all the time.

He went to Dr. Chu Wong. Dr. Wong agreed with the diagnosis of Hong Kong Dong, but said

"These Amadican Doctors - so quick to Chop Chop chop. Amputation not necesally."

Joe was relieved.

Dr. Wong said "You wait three weeks and it fall off on its own."

Well, I have a couple Michael Jackson jokes.
The one saying why he like twenty-four year old has already been mentioned, but there is:
Why is Michael Jackson like a (Nintendo) Gamecube?
Because they are both made of plastic and little kids turn them on

man to woman . do you want to have sex ?, woman , your place or mine , man well if your going to argue about it forget it

Why did the pedophile get depressed?

He couldn't fit in.

rude jokes are like farts very funny

I like the rude ones but never can remember any

These aren't exactly rude, but they made me laugh/chuckle.

Bedroom American Football

An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying in bed for a few minutes the old man cut a fart and says "seven points."

His wife rolls over and asks, "What in the world was that?"

The old man says, "Touchdown, I'm ahead 7 to nothing."

A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says, "Touchdown, tie, score."

After about ten minutes later the old man farts again and says, Touchdown I'm ahead 14 to 7.

Now starting to get into this the wife quickly farts again and says, "Touchdown, tie score."

The old man strains really hard but, to no avail he can't fart, so not to be outdone by his wife, he gives it everything he has and strains real hard to get out just one more fart. Straining real hard the old man tries so hard he poops in the bed.

The wife asks, "Now what in the world was that?"

The old man replies, "Half-time, switch sides."

----------------------
So it seems this penguin was driving through a small town when his car broke down. He called AAA, and his car was towed to a local garage where the mechanic told him he would need a couple of hours to check out the problem. The penguin wasn't in any particular hurry, so he wandered off to look around.

Entering a local supermarket, he bought some fish sticks and some vanilla ice cream for lunch, and then hung out in the frozen foods section until it was time to return to the garage.

The mechanic, seeing him enter the garage, came over wiping his hands on a rag, and shaking his head, saying "It looks like you blew a seal." Blushing, the penguin quickly wiped his bill with his flippers, and replied, "Oh no! It's just ice cream!"
----------------
There were two gay guy living together. One was more feminine and the other more masculine.

The masculine one lacked chest hair and it seemed to become a real problem for him. So, one day he decided to visit the doctor to see why he had no chest hair and if there was something he could do about it.

Well, the doctor said there was nothing wrong with the guy, and really the only thing he could try to stimulate hair growth was to smother Vaseline all over his chest daily and perhaps the skin would become stimulated enough to produce hair.

The masculine homosexual was elated. He went immediately home and smothered his chest in Vaseline.

When his partner came home and jumped into bed with him, he felt the Vaseline and asked, "What in the hell are you doing?"

The masculine one explained what the doctor said and waited for comment from his partner. Finally, his partner said,

"Don't you think if that was true that you would have a "pony tail" coming out of your *** by now?"

scientists have found that many women develop DYSONS disease a year after marriage. . . they make continuous whining noises and don`t suck anymore !

A young dairy farmer trying to expand his business, buys his first automatic milking machine.

Having read all the instructions, he connects it to the mains , switches it on and just as he's going to stick the first sucker on to the cows teat, he gets an idea.

He is alone in the barn, so he drops his trousers and sticks it on his c0ck, he has the most fantastic orgasm, but when he tries to pull it off, it's stuck.

The harder he pulls, the harder it sticks, he can't reach the mains to switch it off so in desperation he reaches for the instructions, he goes into a cold sweat when he reads in bold Capitals.





























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SHUTS OFF AUTOMATICALLY AFTER 25 LITRES

I totally agree. Rude jokes are the best. If you think they're sick, go jump in the lake.

I got plenty:

Q: 3 tampons walking down the road, maxi, slim and ultra, which one says hello?
A: None they are all stuck up cunts.

Q: Why did the duck cross they road?
A: His duck was stuck in a chicken.

Q: What’s the difference between a prostitute and cement?
A: Cement can only be laid once.

Q: What's the difference between acne and a priest?
A: Acne usually comes on a boy's face AFTER he turns 13.

Q: Why don't women blink during foreplay?
A: They don't have time.

Q: What’s better than a rose on your piano?
A: Tulips on your organ

Q: What do you call a hillbilly who owns sheep and goats.
A: Bisexual

Q: What's female Viagra?
A: Jewellery

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumour

Q: why did Humpty Dumpty push his girlfriend on the wall?
A: To see her crack

Q: What do a pizza boy and gynaecologist have in common?
A: They can both smell it but they can't eat it.

Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

Q. What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.

Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.

Q. How do you stop your girlfriend from giving you a bIow job?
A. Marry her.

I like rude jokes.
But I find that if I don't know the person
It's seems to be nasty, or an intrusion ??

Because the other person I don't know may be
a axe murder or something :)
or just some pervert
that's all.



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