Can anybody make me laugh?!
Question: I am kinda sad today and want to end the day with a chearful laugh. 10 Points for the funniest joke!
Thanks!
Answers: I am kinda sad today and want to end the day with a chearful laugh. 10 Points for the funniest joke!
Thanks!
Joke:My New Look
The farmer and his wife had worked hard, they scrimped and saved to send their son to college. As soon as he had enrolled, he started to grow a beard. Next he grew a large mustache and sideburns. Being pleased with his new hirsute adornment, he had his picture taken and sent it off to his parents.
On the back of the photo he scrawled, "How do you like it? Don't I look like a count?"
Shortly after, the son received this terse note: "You idiot, it cost us a fortune to send you to college, and you can't even spell!"
=) I'll try to find some jokes I found funny (corny) or pick up lines....
What did one bean say to another bean?
-How you been?
Corny --> Is your dad a terrorist? Cuz you're the bomb
Well, there's these other jokes, but I don't think it's appropriate! =)
After dinner and a movie, Dave drove his date to a quiet country road and made his move. When Mary responded enthusiastically to his kissing, he tried sliding his hand up her blouse. Suddenly she jerked away, got out of the car and walked home. That night she wrote in her diary, "A girl's best friends are her own two legs."
On their next date, Dave returned to the country road. As they were necking, he slid his hand up Mary's skirt. Once again she pulled away, got out of the car and walked home. That night she wrote in her diary, "I repeat, a girl's best friends are her own two legs."
On the third date, the pair returned to the country road. This time Mary didn't get home until very late. That night she wrote, "Dear diary: There comes a time when even the best of friends must part"
On the Way to Prison
Three convicts were on the way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help them occupy their time while incarcerated.
On the bus, one turned to another and said, "So, what did you bring?"
The second convict pulled out a box of paints and stated that he intended to paint anything he could. He wanted to become the "Grandma Moses of Jail."
Then he asked the first, "What did you bring?"
The first convict pulled out a deck of cards and grinned and said, "I brought cards. I can play poker, solitaire, gin, and any number of games."
The third convict was sitting quietly aside, grinning to himself. The other two took notice and asked, "Why are you so smug? What did you bring?"
The guy pulled out a box of tampons and smiled. He said, "I brought these."
The other two were puzzled and asked, "What can you do with those?"
He grinned and pointed to the box and said, "Well according to the box, I can go horseback riding, swimming, roller-skating...."
Here are a few funny things:
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
Do. infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
Two muffins are sitting in the oven cooking:
The blueberry muffin turns to the chocolate chip muffin and says:
"Whew! My damn it's getting hot in here..."
The chocolate chip muffin looks at him and screams:
"AHHHHH! A talking muffin!?!?!"
A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion.
They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card,.... "Rest in Peace."
The owner was angry and called the florist to complain.
After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist replied,
"Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this: somewhere, there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying,... 'Congratulations on your new location!'"