Today is my Birthday?!
Question: Make me laugh.. Joke, funny saying, something Thanks!!
Answers: Make me laugh.. Joke, funny saying, something Thanks!!
1) It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters Airline. "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in front. "What are my choices?" John asked. "Yes or no," she replied.
2) A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."
3) A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
4) The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
5) A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, " Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."
About 100 years ago there was a Jesuit missionary in a remote part of Africa. He was trying to bring Christianity to the local native people and stayed in a hut in their village. There was not another white man for at least 200 miles in any direction.
The Chief of the tribe had a beautiful teenaged daughter who the chief was thinking of marrying off to the son of the Chief of a nearby tribe.
However one day the daughter got pregnant, and after the usual 9 months she gave birth to a baby boy. The baby had very pale skin compared to anyone in the tribe.
Sooo, the Chief went for a little walk with the missionary to discuss this man-to-man.
He said, "So - about this baby...can you explain why it looks almost like a white man's baby?"
The Jesuit was an educated man, and tried to explain how recessive genes can cause this kind of thing if there was mixed blood in any of the members of the tribe. He was not having much success so he decided to use an example.
He said, "Cheif - take your flock of sheep for example", and he pointed to a nearby hillside where the flocks were grazing.
He said, "You mostly get all white sheep, but occasionally a black one is born."
The Chief looked at him and said, "All right - you no tell, me no tell!"
1)A dumb blonde was bragging about her knowledge of the state capitals of the United States. She proudly announced, "go ahead, ask me any of the capitals, I know all of them."
A red head said, "O.K., what's the capital of Wyoming?" The blonde replied, "Oh, that's easy, 'W'."
2)A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."
Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The ticket agent asked, "Sir, what's that on your shoulder?"
The old farmer said, "That's my pet rooster Chucky. Wherever I go, Chucky goes."
"I'm sorry, sir," said the ticket agent. "We can't allow animals in the theater."
The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed the bird down his pants. He returned to the booth, bought a ticket and entered the theater. He sat down next to two old widows named Mildred and Marge.
The movie started and the rooster began to squirm. The old farmer unzipped his pants so Chucky could stick his head out and watch the movie.
"Marge," whispered Mildred.
"What?" said Marge.
"I think the guy next to me is a pervert."
"What makes you think so?" asked Marge.
"He unzipped his pants and he has his thing out," whispered Mildred.
"Well, don't worry about it," said Marge. "At our age we've seen 'em all."
"I thought so," said Mildred, "but this one's eating my popcorn!"
(Btw,happy birthday! :D)
Here's a blonde joke that's really funny:
there were three girls in prison... a blonde, a brunette and a red head. One day they decided to escape so they left whenever the security guards were being stalled from, uh, guarding. As they were running away, they hoped that the security guards wouldn't chase them. Sure enough, they started running like crazy towards them. The girls looked around for a hiding place and saw a barn so they decided to hide their. However, there were no extra walls or anything to hide in so they hid in some potatoe sack bags lying around. So, the security guards came in and looked all over for the escaped convicts. Seeing that there were three bags that were unusually lumpy (and there were three girls) he decided to kick the bags and if the girls were in there then the girls would yell. So, he kicked the first bag which the red-head was in. Thinking fast, the red-head said "Arf-arf." Thinking it was a dog, the security guard moved on to the second bag, which had the brunette in it. She yelled "Meow, meow." Thinking that it was a cat, he moved on to the last bag which the blonde was in. Once he kicked it, the blonde said "Potatoes!"
Lol- happy birthday!
there was a crash on the highway today and it was a new skoda, there was cake and cream everywhere (the advert, have you saw it?)
two blondes were sitting on the floor and one fell off.
im a pheasant plucker and i like to pluck pheasants (x5)
yo momma so fat she jumped in the air and got stuck.
Happy Birthday, Sunshyn1919 :)
I can't compete with the above, but hope you have a great day!
Here's a dirty joke: A white rabbit fell into a mud puddle.
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday Dear Sunshyn1919
Happy Birthday To You......