Anyone got any good jokes they wana share?!


Question: The title says it all... I dont care if they're rude or not.○


Answers: The title says it all... I dont care if they're rude or not.○

A blonde went to buy a Pizza and after ordering, the assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.

"Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!"


Two blondes lock thier keys in the car. One of the blondes tries to break into the car while the the other one watches.

Finally the first blonde says "Darn, I can't get in the car!" The other blond replies, "keep trying, it looks like it is going to rain and the top is down".

no, they're all mine! you'll just have to wait till Christmas like the rest of us, until I share.

this is a pretty bad joke but idk i think its kinda funny

nobody get offended plz!!

ook
whats the difference between a pizza and a jew??

pizzas dont scream when they're put in the oven

lol i told u it was horrible

why do they put xmas bells on tampons?

for the xmas period..........

my boss told me that today .............. not funny but eh its a joke :)
^^
i like the blond joke from the 1st answer :)

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

ok a guys in an airport,and yelled something to his friend and all of the sudden the police arrested him.why?
he yelled "HEY YOU PLANT THE BOMB YET!!!!!!!!!!".

ok there's this guy that wants to know how hot lava is so he asked some1 to stick a finger in it and that person did.he told him how hot it was.can u guess what that person said???
he said its about AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHdegrees.

ok theres this blond in a car.shes says"darn", "i droped my keys outside,"now how am i gonna get out of here".

ok there 2 horses,1 said to the other "oh look its a black horse"and the other said "racist".

ok theres an elephant and a camel
elephant>
is that where you breast fead your children?
cammel>
is that where you piss from?
elephant>
.....touche.

ok theres three guys sitting on a cloud the 1st guy said"oh hell were so high.then he fell and hole opened up in the floor that led to hell.then the 2nd guy said "oh hell look how that guy fell".the same happened with him.then the 3rd guy said "oh god im next"then theres a light that came from a cloud and started to float up to heaven.then the 3rd guy said"oh hell that was close.and the same happened to him.

Before < Marriage > After?
Before marriage....

He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: No! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course! Over and over!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: No! Why are you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Every chance I get.
She: Will you hit me?
He: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
She: Darling!

After marriage....
Simply read from bottom to top.




- I teach preschool, 2 year olds. When I was Pregnant with my 3rd child, I saw no reason to tell my class because they were so young. As the year was coming to an end, I grew quite large. One of my little darlings came up to me and said," Miss Ilene, your belly is getting very fat!" I asked this little boy if he'd like to know why, and he said yes. I told him I had a baby in my tummy. He walked away, saying nothing. The next day, this happy, never cry child pitched a fit when his mother tried to leave. She pulled him aside and they talked for a few minutes, and the little boy calmed down, and the mom was grinning from ear to ear. I asked what happened and she said, "Adam thought you might eat him, you've already eaten a baby."

- One of the teachers had a kindergartner come up to her and say that he found a frog. The teacher asked if the frog was alive or dead. The student said it was dead. The teacher asked how he knew. The boy said, "I pissed in it's ear." The teacher said, "You what?" He said, "You know, I went to his ear and said, 'PSST!' and it didn't move. So it must be dead."

- The children had all been photographed, and
the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and
say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, he's a
doctor.'" A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's
the teacher; ...she's dead."


- I teach 2nd grade and have many funny stories, but this one tops them all. One day little girl in my cousin's first grade class went home and asked her mother what testicles were. Caught off guard, her mother sat down and gingerly began to explain, as best as she could, what they were. After the long spill, the little girl looked at her mother and said, "That is not what my teacher told me they were. She told me that you wear them on your eyes to help you see better!" Needless to say, it was spectacles (glasses) that were being talked about!!





One day a blonde felt like being a rebel, so she decided that she would drink and drive. She found a cop car in the parking lot of a donut shop, so she started to drive around, circling the cop car.
After about 10 minutes of driving round and round she got fed up, so she parked the car, got out and walked over to the cop car, looked at the cop and said, "Aren`t you going to arrest me?".
The cop asked, "why?"
She replied, "Cause I was drinking and driving!"
The cop looked at her in bewilderment and answered, "We can`t arrest you if you`re driving while drinking water!"


There were two muffins in an oven. One muffin says, "whoa! Its getting hot in here!" The other muffin says, "HOLY CRAP!! A TALKING MUFFIN!"



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