Don't read if you are easily offended (3 Jokes.)?!
Question: A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.
He replies: "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."
She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a Nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a Nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"
"OK" the Nun says, "pull into the next alley."
The Nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
"My dear child," said the Nun, why are you crying?"
"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must tell you, I'm married and I'm Jewish."
The Nun says, "that's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party"
.........................................
Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Parisi?"
"Yes Father, it is."
"And who was the girl you were with?"
"I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation."
Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as
well tell me now.
Was it Tina Minetti?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Teresa Volpe?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Nina Capelli?"
"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."
"Was it Cathy Piriano?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, Joey Parisi,
and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone.
You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave
yourself."
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and
whispers, "What'd you get?"
"4 months vacation and five good leads."
.........................................
The Amazing Tennessee Talking Dog
A guy was driving around the back woods of Tennessee and he saw a sign
in front of a broken down shanty-style house:
"Talking Dog For Sale ." He rang the bell. The owner appeared and
told him the dog was in the backyard.
The guy went into the backyard and saw a nice looking Labrador
retriever sitting there.
"Do you talk?" he asked.
"Yep," the Lab replied.
After the guy recovered from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he said:
"So, what's your story?"
The Lab looked up and said,
"Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I
wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all,
they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with
spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be
eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight
years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew
I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. Signed up
for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering
near suspicious characters and listening in."
"I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch
of medals.
I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just
retired."
The guy was amazed. He went back inside and asked the owner
what he wanted for the dog.
"Ten dollars," the guy said.
"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you
selling him so cheap?"
"Because he's a liar. He never did
Answers: A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.
He replies: "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."
She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a Nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a Nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"
"OK" the Nun says, "pull into the next alley."
The Nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
"My dear child," said the Nun, why are you crying?"
"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must tell you, I'm married and I'm Jewish."
The Nun says, "that's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party"
.........................................
Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Parisi?"
"Yes Father, it is."
"And who was the girl you were with?"
"I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation."
Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as
well tell me now.
Was it Tina Minetti?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Teresa Volpe?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Nina Capelli?"
"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."
"Was it Cathy Piriano?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, Joey Parisi,
and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone.
You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave
yourself."
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and
whispers, "What'd you get?"
"4 months vacation and five good leads."
.........................................
The Amazing Tennessee Talking Dog
A guy was driving around the back woods of Tennessee and he saw a sign
in front of a broken down shanty-style house:
"Talking Dog For Sale ." He rang the bell. The owner appeared and
told him the dog was in the backyard.
The guy went into the backyard and saw a nice looking Labrador
retriever sitting there.
"Do you talk?" he asked.
"Yep," the Lab replied.
After the guy recovered from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he said:
"So, what's your story?"
The Lab looked up and said,
"Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I
wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all,
they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with
spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be
eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight
years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew
I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. Signed up
for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering
near suspicious characters and listening in."
"I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch
of medals.
I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just
retired."
The guy was amazed. He went back inside and asked the owner
what he wanted for the dog.
"Ten dollars," the guy said.
"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you
selling him so cheap?"
"Because he's a liar. He never did
3 crackers pmsl....star 4u
3rd 1 very funny
thats cheered me up
That was a long one ha ha ha
First two - very funny.
never did what?
THATS AWESOME!
The 1st one was way too funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
nice one ,keep em coming,nothing wrong with a bit of humour
lol 10 they were so good lol
first one very funny!
thanks for the laugh."""""
excellent treble
star award
That was the Best I've read tonight!!!
I loved the one about Kevin!!! :)