What are some funny sayings that you like?!
Question: Can you name some funny sayings that you like. Maybe like just some redneck sayings, random sayings, sayings that are stuck in your head. They can be jokes!
Answers: Can you name some funny sayings that you like. Maybe like just some redneck sayings, random sayings, sayings that are stuck in your head. They can be jokes!
"I'm not random, I just have many thoug.. OOH LOOK A SQUIRREL!"
"It's funnier now that I get it"
"I don't have issues.. I have the whole subscription"
"I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it!"
"He who stands on the toilet is High on Pot"
"Your so fat you sat on a rainbow and skittles popped out"
(Just Imagine that!)
"Ask me how I tolerate stupid Questions"
"Gravity, always gets me down"
"We're all gunna die... but I got a helmet"
"I think you're breaking my Gay-Dar"
"Word of the day = Butter. Spread it!"
"You don't need drugs to be dope"
"Moo. I'm a Pig"
"Guns go Bang"
"What the duck?"
"I survived the chicken Pox"
"uhhh... My dog ate it!"
"I love cereal"
"Jesus Saves! .. Passes to Noah, he shoots.. HE SCORES!"
"I put the fun in dysFUNctional"
"You look lost... I think you need Jesus!"
"Thou shalt never regret being yourself"
"Thou shalt not get caught"
"I was going to take over the world but I got distracted by something Sparkly!"
"You may be with stupid but I'm with Jesus"
"A little kid asked Jesus how much he loved him and Jesus stretched out his arms and DIED."
"Just because you don't believe in Jesus doesn't mean he doesn't believe in you!"
"3 out of 2 people don't understand fractions"
"There are 3 types of people, those who can do maths and those who cant"
"Yea I'm a loser.. but I'm the coolest loser you'll ever meet!"
"A tree only hits an automoblie in self defence"
"You're about as emo as my Grandma"
"Born Naked"
"God gives us tests because he knows we are strong enough to pass"
(Its his way or telling us that)
"He died for you, why not live for him"
"Procrastinators of the world UNITE! ... tomorrow"
"Bad spellers of the world UNTIE!"
and last but not least
"God is God and you are loved!"
Hope that helped!
Happy Holidays
God Bless!
[add]
"Off like a bucket of prawns in the sun"
(It's my dads joke.. sorry)
"Too many Idiots, not enough villages"
"Even a mosquito gets a slap on the back when it starts working!"
Well, sometimes I feel "Like a penny waitin' for change."
If ya don't ask, ya don't get.
-a guy named duh
some chick on here called rafagirl has a funny saying...well at least i think it's funny! she does it in an New York accent...
"I don't have to be ya friend I'm ya motha!"
Eat Right, Exercise, DIE Anyway!
"When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane."
"I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out."
=)
"That's gonna leave a mark"
Heres a few I know:
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"Real-eyes, Realise, Real-lies"
"Friendship is like peeing on yourself; everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings"
"The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on"
"Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped"
"Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway"
"I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar"
"Girls are like phones. They love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!"
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Aha, there are just a few funny ones I know. Enjoy, cheers!
I've got 2 that I say daily! Not jokes, but funny sayings. To replace a certain dirty word that begins with S and is 4 letters long... I'll usually recite "shiitake mushrooms" and then instead of saying piece of ... I usually recite, piece of shoe!
ive got the "heebie jeebies" or---her rear-end is so big, it looks like 2 pigs, fighting in a gunny sack". when i was learning to drive, my dad said, use your noodle,, i said "where is it?
your mom
JUST JOSHING!
If you dont like my apples dont shack my tree lol
1.When you cry I cry, when you laugh I laugh, when you fall off a cliff i laugh harder, Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!
2.Birdie,birdie In the sky,why do you do that in my eye?Looks like sugar, tastes like sap. OH MY GOSH IT'S BIRDIE CRAP
3.There are no stupid questions, but there are a lot of inquisitive idiots.!!!
4.''Stupid human fool, I have you tending to my every need like the lower species you are!- My kitty
5.Llllllllll saying loading... ... ...50% Complete...
6.I am not crazy!....Just a little insane....
7."I'm a cereal killer!*grab's a box of Lucky Charm's*die marsh-mellow's,die!!!"
9.The penguins are stealing my sanity one by one...
10.~*~*~ I may seem clueless..... Because i am! ~*~*~
11.when life gives u lemons throw them at people
12.I LIKE YOU. when the world is mine, your death shall be quick and painless
13.I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
14.I may not be the brightest crayon in the box, but im the sweetest cookie in the batch!
16.My Mom Tells Me That if Someone Kidnaps Me She Wont Have To Worry Cuz They'll Give Me Right Back...
17.Imnotugly. .im a beautiful monkey
18.It was'nt me... it was my evil twin!
19.Although I Love The Kool-Aid, It Doesn't Seem To Love Me..
20.Don't believe everything you think
21. Smile, it confuses people
22.An idiot is someone on the 40th floor washing windows who steps back to admire his work
23.Your body is made of 70% water. If you drink water does that make you a cannibal?
24.You should always walk a mile in other peoples shoes.Coz then you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes!
those are just some i can think of off the top of my head
"Cold enough to freeze the balls off of a brass monkey!" (not dirty, old sailing reference.)
"shoulda taken the money Toomes."
"We're off like panties on prom night!"
"Oh, right in the mommy daddy button!"
CHEVROLET = Cheap Heap Every Valve Rattles Oil Leaks Every Time
"Wedding Tackle"
life's to short to drink lousy coffee
insanity is hereditary you get it from your children
when life gives you lemons squirt them in your enemies eyes
when you feel you have nothing you usually have more than you know
my favorite is i am in shape round is a shape isn't it
Eat to live or live to eat?
Here are some of my favorites:
? To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior'.
? A man came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed.
'Just where the heck do you think you're going!', said the man.
'I'm going to Las Vegas', said the wife, 'I just found out I can get $400 a night for what I give you for free!
'The man said, 'Wait a minute!', and then ran inside the house only to come back a few minutes later with his suitcases in hand.
'Where the heck are you going?', said the wife.
The man said, 'I want to see how you're gonna live on $800 a year!'
? Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday.
? Signs That You're Broke
At communion you go back for seconds.
You think of a lottery ticket as an investment.
You're formulating a plan to rob the food bank.
Long distance companies don't call you to switch.
You give blood everyday.. just for the orange juice.
McDonald's is the supplier of all your kitchen condiments.
American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!"
Your idea of a 7-course meal is taking a deep breath outside a restaurant.
You've rolled so many pennies, you've formed a psychic bond with Abe Lincoln.
? You're so stupid, your mother told you to go buy a color television and you asked, “What color?”
? There is a Navy guy and a Marine in the washroom. The Marine goes to leave without washing up. The sailor catches up with him later and says, "In the Navy, they teach us to wash our hands."
The Marine replies, "In the Marines, they teach us not to pee on ours!!!"
? There was this American tourist in Mexico, and he was getting tired of walking around, so he went up to a donkey rental place and said, ''Can I rent a donkey?'
The guy said, "We don't call them donkeys here, we call them asses. This is the only *ss I have left, and you have to scratch him when you want to make him stop."
The guy rides his *ss for a while, sees a hotdog stand, and asks for a hotdog. The vendor replies, "We don't call them hotdogs here we call the wieners."
Meanwhile his donkey is wandering away, so he goes up to another tourist and says "Will you hold my wiener whille I scratch my *ss?"
Haha Enjoy! :))
Things are more like they are now then they've ever been before.
When you start a project, fall behind as soon as possible. That way you have more time to catch up.
Join the Army, travel the world, meet interesting people, and kill them.
Never forget the true meaning of Christmas: The birth of Santa!
- Bart Simpson