Jokes? please!?!
Question: i had a hard day, so if you have any jokes it wood be much appreciated.
Answers: i had a hard day, so if you have any jokes it wood be much appreciated.
A rabbi and a priest get into a terrible car accident. Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of the clerics is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest's collar and says, "So you're a priest. I'm a rabbi. Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God. God must have meant that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days."
The priest replies, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God."
The rabbi continued, "And look at this. Here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of Manishewitz wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then he hands the bottle to the priest. The priest agrees, takes a bit, and hands the bottle back to the rabbi.
The rabbi takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap on, and hands it back to the priest.
The priest asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The rabbi replies, "No...I think I'll wait for the police"
Hope this ease your day....
Kissing the Neighbor's ****
One day this fellow noticed that a new couple had moved into
the house next door. He was also quick to notice that the woman
liked to sunbathe in the back yard, usually in a skimpy bikini
that showed off a magnificent pair of breasts. He made it a
point to water and trim his lawn as much as possible, hoping
for yet another look.
Finally, he could stand it no more. Walking to the front door
of the new neighbor's house, he knocked and waited. The
husband, a large, burly man, opened the door. "Excuse me", our
man stammered, "but I couldn't help noticing how beautiful your
wife is."
"Yeah? So?" his hulking neighbor replied.
"Well, in particular, I am really struck by how beautiful her
breasts are. I would gladly pay you ten thousand dollars if I
could kiss those breasts."
The burly gorilla is about to deck our poor guy when his wife
appears and stops him. She pulls him inside and they discuss
the offer for a few moments. Finally, they return and ask our
friend to step inside. "OK," the husband says gruffly, "for ten
thousand dollars you can kiss my wife's ****."
At this the wife unbuttons her blouse, and the twin objects of
desire hang free at last. Our man takes one in each hand, and
proceeds to rub his face against them in total ecstasy. This
goes on for several minutes, until the husband gets annoyed.
"Well, come on already, kiss 'em!" he growls. "I can't"
replies our awe-struck hero, still nuzzling away. "Why not?"
demands the husband, getting really angry now.
"I don't have ten thousand dollars!"
that one above me is funny