Give me ur best joke!!!?!
Question: if u tell me the best joke, ill rate u as best answer, and it can be any joke, just make it funny!!! cant wait
Answers: if u tell me the best joke, ill rate u as best answer, and it can be any joke, just make it funny!!! cant wait
A new employee is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory. The personnel manager explains her duties, and tells her to report to work promptly at 8:00 AM.
The next day at 8:45AM, there's a knock at the personnel manager's door. The assembly line foreman comes in and starts ranting about this new employee.
He says she's incredibly slow, and the whole line is backing up. The foreman takes the personnel manager down to the factory floor to show him the problem.
Sure enough, Elmos are backed up all over the place. At the end of the line is the new employee. She has a roll of the material used for the Elmos and a big bag of marbles. They both watch as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles, and starts sewing the little package between Elmo's legs.
The personnel manager starts laughing hysterically. After several minutes, he pulls himself together, walks over to the woman, and says, "I'm sorry, I guess you misunderstood me yesterday. Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles."
Celine Dion goes to a horse farm, And the Horses all turn to her and say, "hey buddy - why the long face ? "
On his last day on the job, a mailman is greeted by a young housewife who invites him in for breakfast. After the feast she leads him to the bedroom for an extensive sexual romp. Afterward she gives him two dollars.
“Jeez,” says the mailman, “this is great, but what’s with the two dollars?”
“Well,” she replies, “since you’re retiring, I asked my husband what we should do for you. He said, ‘**** him—give him a couple of bucks.’ Breakfast was my idea.”
ok here's a joke----not so funny:
there was this stupid guy who had a fish and wanted to kill the fish, so he tried making the ifsh drown.
its not so funny cuz i made it up LOOL.
anyways do u think this is REAL or is it a JOKE?
http://www.snopes.com/pregnant/medina.as...
i belive its real
ok this is so stupid my teacher told us this in math then laughed for 10 minutes straight.....why wouldnt the snobbish potato let his daughter marry the news reporter--------because he was just a common-tater
haha gay i no
lady goes into the bar nude and orders a shot and a beer..she pounds down both and asks for antoher round....the bartender says..miss we value our customers and i don't want to be rude...but how will you pay for the drinks since you have no puse etc?? .....she pushes back from the bar parts her legs....
the bartender looks and says.....sorry do you have anything SMALLER!!!
Health Plans
A wealthy hospital benefactor was being shown around the hospital.
During her tour she passed a room where a male patient was being given a hand job by a nurse's aide.
"Oh my God!" said the woman. "That's disgraceful!"
The doctor leading the tour calmly explained, "I'm sorry that you were exposed to that, but this man has a serious condition where his testicles rapidly fill with semen, and if they aren't emptied at least five times a day, he'll be in extreme pain and his testicles could easily rupture."
"Oh, well that's reasonable, then." said the woman.
As they passed by the very next room, they saw a male patient laying in bed while a nurse performed oral sex on him.
Shocked, the woman said, "Oh my GOD! That's truly disgraceful!
How can THAT be justified?"
Again the doctor replied calmly, "Same illness, better health plan."
I already posted this as a question, but I guess I can post it as an answer as well.
Did you hear about the deer who couldn't eat anything at Thanksgiving dinner?
He was stuffed.
A doctor is walking down the corridor in the hospital. Suddenly he sees a man running screaming down the hall in his hospital gown being chased by a nurse with a steaming pail of water.
The doctor shouts after the nurse: No! No! Nurse - I said to prick his boil!
Ok when I heard this joke I laughed nonstop it soo stupidly funny.
Ok here it goes:
A blonde is driving and she hits into the back of a big truck with a nice paint job. She leaves a dent.Then the driver gets out of the car. He is a really muscular big guy. He sees the dent and is furious. He draws a circle on the ground. He tells herto step in the circle and notmove not to step out of the circle. then he walks over to her car and starts wreckingit. He smashes her windows dents her car and tears up her leather seats. The blonde starts laughing. The guy gets even madder. She is laughing hystiraclly now and he goes over to her. "WHATS SO FUNNY?!?!?!!!" She replies back "when you wernt looking I steped out of the circle three times."
Maybe is not my best joke but this is kind of funny.
Choking
One day at a local buffet, a man suddenly called out, "My son is choking! He swallowed a quarter! Help! Please, anyone! Help!"
A man from a nearby table stood up and announced that he was quite experienced at this sort of thing. He stepped over with almost no look of concern at all, wrapped his hands around the boy's balls and squeezed. Out popped the quarter. The man then went back to his table as though nothing had happened.
"Thank you! Thank you!" the father cried. "Are you a paramedic?"
"No," replied the man, "I work for the IRS."