Blonde jokes???!
Question: any good blonde jokes... i love them so i have heard A LOT. so pleaze get some good ones...10 pts 4 best jokes!!!!!
Answers: any good blonde jokes... i love them so i have heard A LOT. so pleaze get some good ones...10 pts 4 best jokes!!!!!
ok one day a blonde brunnette and a red head approached a river full of sharks and crocodiles and stuff and they were trying to figure out a way to get across. The red head (ranger) tried to swim across but she got eaten and then the brunnette tried to jump across but she didnn't make it and got eaten. Then the blonde says ” I know ill use that bridge over there to make a boat to get across
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ok so a lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a flight from L.A. To New York. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely
declines And rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists. He explains how the game works. "I ask you a Question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me, and vice-Versa." Again, the blonde politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer figures that since his opponent is a blonde he will easily Win the match, so he makes another offer. "If you don't know the Answer, you pay me only $5, but if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500." The blonde figures there will be no end to this torment unless she Plays, so she agrees. The lawyer asks, "What's the distance from the Earth to the moon?" The blonde reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and
Hands it to the lawyer Then she asks the lawyer "What goes up a hill With three legs, and comes down with four?"
The lawyer is puzzled. He uses his laptop to search for references. He Taps into the air-phone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends emails to his coworkers and Friends. No luck. After an hour, he gives up. He wakes the blonde and hands her $500
The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep.The lawyer, who is going nuts trying to figure it out, wakes the blonde and asks,"Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"
The blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.
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ok so theres a blonde guy (of course) and hes goin to work. he parks his car in the parkin lot and goes in
he comes out after 8 hours of work just to find someone tryin to break into his car! he trys to stop the car jacker but before he can the car jacker says" step in to the circle or else!!" so the blonde guy gets in the circle... a half hour or so later the blonde guy starts laughin for no reason! the car jacker looks at him and asks him wats so funny. the blonde says" while u weren't looking i stepped out of the circle!"
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ok a blonde a brunette and a red head...(here we go again huh?) are stranded in the middle of nowhere they decide they need to find food so thats wat they do. the brunette is fist! the brunette goes out first and comes back an hour later with a moose!! the red head and the blonde are amazed! when asked how she did it she replied" it was easy follow the tracks follow the tracks *boom* hit a moose!" the red head wants to try next so she goes out and comes back an hour later with a deer!the blonde is still amazed! when asked how she replied" it wasnt that hard follow the tracks follow the tracks *boom* hit a deer!!" the blonde says its her turn so she goes out and comes back 5 hours later with mangled hair, dirt all over,and a few bruises but no food!!! when asked wat happened she replied (barely) " it was easy follow the tracks follow the tracks *boom* hit a train!
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ok so theres a blonde and shes going to the salon and she walks in and the barber dude says "u have to take off ur head phones to get ur hair done"the blonde looks at him and says " no ill die!!!" the barber says ok ill wash around them"
so he's washing her hair and the batterie short surcuits and the blonde dies! the barber is kinda confused so he took out the CD and put it in his stereo. all of the sudden he hears" breathe in, breathe out!
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ok theres a blonde going to the eye doctor! and the blonde goes in and the doctor says" ok now mam if u could take out ur contacts? " the blonde goes " NO i'll DIE!!!" the eye doctor is kinda confused but tells the blonde to go home and come back tomorowso thats wat she does and when she comes back the next day the eye doctor had a trainquilizer gun and shoots her with it! he takes out her contacts and she dies! upon further inspection of the contacts he sees "left,right breathe breathe" etched into the contacts!
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Q: Why do blonds have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes go in first.
Q: Why do blonds have BMW's?
A: Because they can spell it.
Q: Why did the blond die in a helicopter crash?
A: Because she got cold and turned the fan off.
Q: What do you call a blond with two brain cells?
A: Pregnant.
Q: Why do blonds wear their hair up?
A: To catch everything that goes over their heads.
Q: Why did the blond have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "Don't Walk".
Q: Why did the blond take her typewriter to the Doctors?
A: Because she though it was pregnant because it missed a period.
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A blonde walk into a a bar orders a bottle of champagne The bartender asked what the occasion She says I finished a jigsaw puzzle The bartender repeats what she had said
She says yes It said on the 7 to 12 years and it took me only 6 months
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One day a blonde comes out of the tanning salon. She wants to make some money so she goes to one of the rich neighborhoods. She rings the door bell and say, "Hi, is there anything I could do for your house or u???"
The man thinks and says, "Sure, can paint my porch. You will find all the stuff in the garage."
The girl says, "O.K., How much will you pay me?"
The man says, "How much does fifty bucks sound?"
She quickly agrees and gets straight to work. The wife who had heard the conversation inside says, "50 bucks, I hope she knows the porch goes all around the house!"
25 minutes later the girl knocks on the door and says, "O.K. I am done. Can I have my money now?"
surprised the man replies, "O.K. Let me get the money"
he comes back and the girl says as she is leaving, "By the way, it's a Ferrari, not a Porche!"
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A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor". She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
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Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking.... and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away, Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde turns and says "Helloooo…….. can you see Florida...?????"
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A blonde had been saving up her money for some time but she didn't know what to buy. She was driving along one day and decided to buy a canoe. After buying it she realized it was too big to fit in her car. So she got in the canoe and started pushing it down the road. Car were speeding past and honking their horns when another blonde pulls up beside her and says " it's blondes like you that give other blondes a bad name, if I could swim I'd come out there and kick your a**!!"
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There was a blonde, brunnete & a redhead.
They all had to swim 20 miles to reach their destination
first was the brunnete. she swam 10, 13, 14 and was too tired to carry on so she drowned.
Then there was the redhead.
She swam 10, 14 , 15 and was too tired and stopped & drowned.
Then there was the blonde,
(even though im blonde i find it rather funny)
She swam 10, 13, 16, 18 miles
and was too tired to carry on.
So she swam back again.
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A blond died her hair brown because she was tired of being picked on.She was driving along the countryside when she got a bright idea and Stopped at a nearby farm. She said to the farmer "If Ican tell you how many
Sheep you have in total can I have one?"
"ok" said the farmer, so she quickly counted them and said 91. The farmer
Looked around astonished and said "all right take one"
As she was walking back to her car the farmer said "If I can guess your Natural hair colour can I have my sheep back?"the blonde agreed and the farmer said" your a blonde huh?" the blonde was shocked she wondered how he knew! she asked him how he knew and he said " well first of all you are holding my dog..."
Blind man wanders into an all girls biker bar by mistake. He
finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting
there for a while, he yells to the waiter, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde
joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, Husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, Sir, I think it is only fair -- given that you are blind -- that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. Blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Mister. "Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, "No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times!"
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the many new Blonde inventions...
The water-proof towel
Glow in the dark sunglasses
Solar powered flashlights
Submarine screen doors
A book on how to read
Inflatable dart boards
A dictionary index
Powdered water
Pedal powered wheel chairs
Water proof tea bags
Watermelon seed sorter
Zero proof alchohol
Reusable ice cubes
See through tiolet tissue
Skinless bananas
Do it yourself roadmap
Helicopter ejector seat
the underwater hair dryer
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There was this bar and in the bar there was a magic mirror.
If you told a lie it would suck you in.
One day a brunette walked into this bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.
The next day a redhead walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.
Then the next day a blond walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think...' and it sucked her in.\
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ok now i'm done...
There was this bar and in the bar there was a magic mirror.
If you told a lie it would suck you in.
One day a brunette walked into this bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.
The next day a redhead walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.
Then the next day a blond walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think...' and it sucked her in.
Q: What do you call an eternity?
A: Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.
Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First.
Q: What do SMART Blondes and UFOs have in common?
A: You always hear about them but never see them.
Q: Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms?
A: They think their picture is being taken.