Jokes for funny people!?!


Question: does anyone have a story joke that is funny? best one earns the 10 points


Answers: does anyone have a story joke that is funny? best one earns the 10 points

A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy. The teacher told him to go down to the Principal's office. He was to phone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did it and returned to his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out. "I thought I told you to call your Mom," she screamed. "I did," he said, "and she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school."

An armless man in a long jacket walks into a bathroom and stands by a urinal...

Soon seeing he needs help to use the toilet he asks a closeby man, "Can you help me aim?"

The man reluctantly accepted, but decided not to look at the man's "part". After a few seconds of holding it he thinks, "Hey! I'm grabbing it right? So I should look, I have a right!"

He looks down at the mans member and sees that is beyond hideous. Startled he jumps back and lets go, asking. "What the hell is wrong with it?"

The "armless" man pulls his arms out of his jacket and says "I dunno, but I ain't touchin' it." and walks away.

Three women were on a plane. One bit into an apple. She decided it was too sweet, so she threw it out of the plane. The next woman bit into a lemon. She decided it was too sour, so she threw it out of the plane. The last woman bit into a grenade. She decided it was too crunchy, so she also threw it out of the plane. After they landed, they got off, laughing at a funny joke one of them had made, and then decided to go for a walk. They came across a little boy who was crying really hard. The three women asked what was wrong. They boy told them that an apple fell out of the sky and killed his pet dog. They kept walking. Then they came across a little girl who was also crying. She said a lemon fell out of the sky and killed her cat. The women kept on walking. Then they came across a blonde girl standing in front of the remains of a building who was laughing her head off. The women asked why she was laughing so hard. She replied," I farted and the building behind me blew up!"

Thanks for your time- PEACE

It's Saturday morning and Bob's just about to set off on a round of golf, when he realizes that he forgot to tell his wife that the guy who fixes the washing machine is coming around at noon. So Bob heads back to the clubhouse and phones home.

"Hello?" says a little girl's voice.

"Hi, honey, it's Daddy," says Bob. "Is Mommy near the phone?"

"No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank."

After a brief pause, Bob says, "But you haven't got an Uncle Frank, honey!"

"Yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy!"

"Okay, then. Here's what I want you do. Put down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout in to Mommy and Uncle Frank that my car's just pulled up outside the house."

"Okay, Daddy!" A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone. "Well, I did what you said, Daddy."

"And what happened?"

"Well, Mommy jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went out the front window and now she's all dead."

"Oh, my God! What about Uncle Frank?"

"He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too, and he was all scared and he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool. But he must have forgot that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and now he's dead too."

There is a long pause.

"Swimming pool? Is this 854-7039?"

Two pregnant woman were knitting jumpers.

The 1st said to the other... "I hope mines is a boy as im using blue wool...

The 2nd replies... "i hope mine is a spastic, as ive f***ed up the arms...

Abe's son arrived home from school puffing and panting, sweat rolling down his face.
"Dad, you'll be so proud of me," he said, "I saved a pound by running behind the bus all the way home!"
"Oy Vey!" said Abe, "You could have run behind a taxi and saved £10."

I posted this joke about a year or so ago..,
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small
tree
begins to grow between them, and the beech says to
the birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The birch
says he cannot tell.

Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says,
"Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of
a beech or a son of a birch?"

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies, "It is
neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best
piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in."

Little Johnny Joke

The fireman was cleaning the truck at the firehouse when he saw Little Johnny coming down the sidewalk. He was in his little red wagon, decked out with a small ladder and hose. It was being pulled by a dog and a cat with the rope around the dog's neck and the other rope around the cat's balls. When the fireman went to talk to Little Johnny, the fireman told him ....

"Hey Johnny, I really like your fire truck, and I hate to tell a fellow firefighter what to do, but don't you think it you tied that rope around the cat's neck, your fire truck would go faster"?

Little Johnny replied, "it should would. But then I'd loose my siren"!

the first one is good



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