What is the funniest dumb blonde joke you have ever heard?!
Question: For me it is the one with the blonde, burnette, redhead who were about to be shot and burnette said flood and she got away, redhead said tornado and got away, and blonde said fire and KABOOM
Answers: For me it is the one with the blonde, burnette, redhead who were about to be shot and burnette said flood and she got away, redhead said tornado and got away, and blonde said fire and KABOOM
I think that these are great:
Joke no 1
A little girl runs out of her school, one day shouting, " Mummy mummy! Today we learnt about number! And everyone else learnt 1,2,3,4,5,
But i learnt 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10! Is it cos im blond mummy! is it cos im blond!!"
The mother replies " Yes dear, its because your blond."
The next day the same girl runns out of school and shouts at her mother "Mummy mummy!! Today we learnt about the alphabet! But everyoneelse onlu learnt A,B,C,D,E,F,G, But I learnt A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K!, Is it cos im Blonde mummy!! Is it cos im blonde!"
"Yes dear, its because your blonde."
The next day the same girl came out of school and shouted at her mother " Mummy mummy!! Today we went swimming! But all the other girls, were flat-chested, But look Mummy im not!!(chuckes her boobs into her mums face) Is it cos im blonde mummy!! Is it cos im blonde!!"
" No dear, its because your 23"
Blonde Joke no 2.
A blonde is short of money so she decides to wait after school, and kidnapp a child. So she waits at her old school and sucessfully kidnapps a child, then she pinns a note to his shirt which says:
"GiMmE ￡10,000 oR i WiLl KeEp
YoUr cHiLd HoStAgE, PuT tHe
PuT tHe mOnEy BeHiNd tHe
sWiNgS In tHe HoLe iN tHe
TrEe, Do ThIs By SuNdOwN
tOmOrRo Or tHe ChIlD GeTs iT!
BlOnDe GiRl"
Then she sends the child home to its parents, with the note pinned to its shirt.
The next day the blonde checks the tree, and sure enough the money was there! But it had a note to ot on it it said:
HoW cOuLd yOu Do tHiS To
A fElLoW BlOnDe!!!!
BlOnDe MuM
Hope you liked these Jokes!=D
thats stupid
i don't really remember it that well so just type in the yahoo answers search bar blonde hurts all over and click the one by russian t
I have 4:
ok so theres a blonde and shes going to the salon and she walks in and the barber dude says "u have to take off ur head phones to get ur hair done"the blonde looks at him and says " no ill die!!!" the barber says ok ill wash around them"
so he's washing her hair and the batterie short surcuits and the blonde dies! the barber is kinda confused so he took out the CD and put it in his stereo. all of the sudden he hears" breathe in, breathe out!
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ok a blonde a brunette and a red head...(here we go again huh?) are stranded in the middle of nowhere they decide they need to find food so thats wat they do. the brunette is fist! the brunette goes out first and comes back an hour later with a moose!! the red head and the blonde are amazed! when asked how she did it she replied" it was easy follow the tracks follow the tracks *boom* hit a moose!" the red head wants to try next so she goes out and comes back an hour later with a deer!the blonde is still amazed! when asked how she replied" it wasnt that hard follow the tracks follow the tracks *boom* hit a deer!!" the blonde says its her turn so she goes out and comes back 5 hours later with mangled hair, dirt all over,and a few bruises but no food!!! when asked wat happened she replied (barely) " it was easy follow the tracks follow the tracks *boom* hit a train!
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A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor". She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
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Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking.... and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away, Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde turns and says "Helloooo…….. can you see Florida...?????"
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and here are a bunch of other ones that i have too... :
ok theres a blonde going to the eye doctor! and the blonde goes in and the doctor says" ok now mam if u could take out ur contacts? " the blonde goes " NO i'll DIE!!!" the eye doctor is kinda confused but tells the blonde to go home and come back tomorowso thats wat she does and when she comes back the next day the eye doctor had a trainquilizer gun and shoots her with it! he takes out her contacts and she dies! upon further inspection of the contacts he sees "left,right breathe breathe" etched into the contacts!
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Q: Why do blonds have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes go in first.
Q: Why do blonds have BMW's?
A: Because they can spell it.
Q: Why did the blond die in a helicopter crash?
A: Because she got cold and turned the fan off.
Q: What do you call a blond with two brain cells?
A: Pregnant.
Q: Why do blonds wear their hair up?
A: To catch everything that goes over their heads.
Q: Why did the blond have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "Don't Walk".
Q: Why did the blond take her typewriter to the Doctors?
A: Because she though it was pregnant because it missed a period.
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A blonde walk into a a bar orders a bottle of champagne The bartender asked what the occasion She says I finished a jigsaw puzzle The bartender repeats what she had said
She says yes It said on the 7 to 12 years and it took me only 6 months
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One day a blonde comes out of the tanning salon. She wants to make some money so she goes to one of the rich neighborhoods. She rings the door bell and say, "Hi, is there anything I could do for your house or u???"
The man thinks and says, "Sure, can paint my porch. You will find all the stuff in the garage."
The girl says, "O.K., How much will you pay me?"
The man says, "How much does fifty bucks sound?"
She quickly agrees and gets straight to work. The wife who had heard the conversation inside says, "50 bucks, I hope she knows the porch goes all around the house!"
25 minutes later the girl knocks on the door and says, "O.K. I am done. Can I have my money now?"
surprised the man replies, "O.K. Let me get the money"
he comes back and the girl says as she is leaving, "By the way, it's a Ferrari, not a Porche!"
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A blonde had been saving up her money for some time but she didn't know what to buy. She was driving along one day and decided to buy a canoe. After buying it she realized it was too big to fit in her car. So she got in the canoe and started pushing it down the road. Car were speeding past and honking their horns when another blonde pulls up beside her and says " it's blondes like you that give other blondes a bad name, if I could swim I'd come out there and kick your a**!!"
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There was a blonde, brunnete & a redhead.
They all had to swim 20 miles to reach their destination
first was the brunnete. she swam 10, 13, 14 and was too tired to carry on so she drowned.
Then there was the redhead.
She swam 10, 14 , 15 and was too tired and stopped & drowned.
Then there was the blonde,
(even though im blonde i find it rather funny)
She swam 10, 13, 16, 18 miles
and was too tired to carry on.
So she swam back again.
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A blond died her hair brown because she was tired of being picked on.She was driving along the countryside when she got a bright idea and Stopped at a nearby farm. She said to the farmer "If Ican tell you how many
Sheep you have in total can I have one?"
"ok" said the farmer, so she quickly counted them and said 91. The farmer
Looked around astonished and said "all right take one"
As she was walking back to her car the farmer said "If I can guess your Natural hair colour can I have my sheep back?"the blonde agreed and the farmer said" your a blonde huh?" the blonde was shocked she wondered how he knew! she asked him how he knew and he said " well first of all you are holding my dog..."
Blind man wanders into an all girls biker bar by mistake. He
finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting
there for a while, he yells to the waiter, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde
joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, Husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, Sir, I think it is only fair -- given that you are blind -- that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. Blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Mister. "Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, "No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times!"
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the many new Blonde inventions...
The water-proof towel
Glow in the dark sunglasses
Solar powered flashlights
Submarine screen doors
A book on how to read
Inflatable dart boards
A dictionary index
Powdered water
Pedal powered wheel chairs
Water proof tea bags
Watermelon seed sorter
Zero proof alchohol
Reusable ice cubes
See through tiolet tissue
Skinless bananas
Do it yourself roadmap
Helicopter ejector seat
the underwater hair dryer
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ok one day a blonde brunnette and a red head approached a river full of sharks and crocodiles and stuff and they were trying to figure out a way to get across. The red head (ranger) tried to swim across but she got eaten and then the brunnette tried to jump across but she didnn't make it and got eaten. Then the blonde says ” I know ill use that bridge over there to make a boat to get across
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ok so a lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a flight from L.A. To New York. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely
declines And rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists. He explains how the game works. "I ask you a Question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me, and vice-Versa." Again, the blonde politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer figures that since his opponent is a blonde he will easily Win the match, so he makes another offer. "If you don't know the Answer, you pay me only $5, but if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500." The blonde figures there will be no end to this torment unless she Plays, so she agrees. The lawyer asks, "What's the distance from the Earth to the moon?" The blonde reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and
Hands it to the lawyer Then she asks the lawyer "What goes up a hill With three legs, and comes down with four?"
The lawyer is puzzled. He uses his laptop to search for references. He Taps into the air-phone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends emails to his coworkers and Friends. No luck. After an hour, he gives up. He wakes the blonde and hands her $500
The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep.The lawyer, who is going nuts trying to figure it out, wakes the blonde and asks,"Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"
The blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.
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ok so theres a blonde guy (of course) and hes goin to work. he parks his car in the parkin lot and goes in
he comes out after 8 hours of work just to find someone tryin to break into his car! he trys to stop the car jacker but before he can the car jacker says" step in to the circle or else!!" so the blonde guy gets in the circle... a half hour or so later the blonde guy starts laughin for no reason! the car jacker looks at him and asks him wats so funny. the blonde says" while u weren't looking i stepped out of the circle!"
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@ Britt :P
"Solar powered flashlights"
These actually do exist. They charge during the day, storing the solar power in internal cells that can be used at night.
"Reusable Ice Cubes"
Also exist. They are made from a plastic like substance that has a liquid inside that you freeze, then drop in your glass to cool down whatever liquid is in there. When your done drinking the liquid, just pop the cubes back in the freezer and re-freeze them.
Although I am not sure if they were invented by Blonde's.
(1) Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the pavement and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror, and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." She hands it to the second blonde. The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"
(2) A blonde brags about her knowledge of American state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead; ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh that's easy... it's W!"
(3) A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch.
"Wow!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was trampled on by an elephant! Are you OK, ma'am?"
"Why, yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped.
"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. "I was driving along this road, when from out of nowhere this tree popped up in front of me, so I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was another tree! I swerved to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was...."
"Uh, madam," the officer said, cutting her off as he looked inside the car, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air-freshener swinging back and forth."
(4) Returning home from work, a blonde was astonished to see that she had been robbed. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer aproached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, and then sat down on the steps.
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen! I call the police for help,and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!"
5)There are two blondes standing on opposite sides of a river, one blonde yells to the other 'Hey how do you get to the other side!!' the other blonde replies 'Idiot!! You are on the other side!!!'
6)A group of blondes walk into a bar. One of the women tells the bartender to line up a row of drinks for all of them. The gals lift their glasses and toast, "Here's to 51 days!" and they proceed to down their drinks. Once again, they tell the bartender to "line 'em up", and once again they toast 51 days and down their drinks.
The bartender says, "I don't get it. Why in the world are you toasting 51 days?"
One of the blondes explains, "We just finished a jigsaw puzzle. It had written on the box '2-4 years,' but we finished it in 51 days!"
7)This blonde,brunette and a redhead are escaping from jail. The redhead jumps over the wall and lands with a THUMP. The guard yells "Who's out there?" The redhead says"meow""Oh it's just a cat" The brunette jumps over the wall and lands with a THUMP. The guard yells"who's out there? The brunette says"meow." "Oh it's just that darn cat, get lost you stupid thing." Then the blonde jumps over and lands with a THUMP."Who's out there?" "The blonde yells "It's just that darn cat".
8)A blind man wanders into an all girls biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is only fair -- given that you are blind -- that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blond girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters,
"No ... Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
9)A man was mowing his front yard when his attractive, blonde, female neighbor came
out of the house and went straight to her mailbox. She opened the mailbox, looked
inside, slammed it shut, and stormed back into her house. A little later, she came
out of her house again, went to the mailbox, again opened it, and again slammed it
shut. Angrily back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, the blonde came out again. She
marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions, the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"
She replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps telling me I have mail!
10)a blone a brunette and a red head were walking 1 day then a demon jump out and said he would tell them 100 jokes. he told the first and the brunette laughed and died. on the second the red head laughed.then on the 99th question the blonde laughed.the brunette asked her why she laughed and she said i finally got the 1st joke
11)There was a blonde who was sick of all the blonde jokes. One day, she decided to get a make over, so she cut and dyed her hair. She went driving down a country road and came across a herd of sheep. She stopped and called the sheep herder over.
"Tell you what. I have a proposition for you," said the woman.
"If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?"
"Sure," said the sheep herder. So, she sat up and looked at the herd for a second and then replied "382". "Wow!" said the herder.
"That is exactly right. Go ahead and pick out the sheep you want to take home." So the woman went and picked one out and put it in her car.
Then, the herder said, "Okay, now I have a proposition for you".
"What is it?" queried the woman.
"If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"