Tell me a new good joke?!
Question: why are women and hurricanes alike?
they are wild and wet when they come and when they leave they take your house and your car
Answers: why are women and hurricanes alike?
they are wild and wet when they come and when they leave they take your house and your car
Xmas In Heaven
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. "In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. It represents a candle, he said. You may pass through the pearly gates Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells" . Saint Peter said you may pass through the pearly gates.
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally
pulled out a pair of women's panties. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"
The man replied.............
"They're Carols" !!
Okay you probaly heard this one...
Theres a drink called the grasshopper
Well a grasshopper walks into a bar and the bar tender say to the grasshoper "Hey you know that we have a DRINK named after you"; and the grasshopper say "Realy you have a drink named STEW".
Jewish jokes...
Moishe walks into a post office to send a package to his wife.
The postmaster says, "This package is too heavy, you'll need another stamp."
Moishe replies, "And that should make it lighter?"
Abe's son arrived home from school puffing and panting, sweat rolling down his face.
"Dad, you'll be so proud of me," he said, "I saved a pound by running behind the bus all the way home!"
"Oy Vey!" said Abe, "You could have run behind a taxi and saved ￡10."
- Hello, that's you, Abe?
- Yes, dis is Abe...
- It doesn't sount like Abe
- Vell, dis is Abe all right.
- You're positive it's Abe?
- Absolutely.
- Vell, listen Abie, dis is Moe. Can you lend me feefty punds?
- Ven Abe comes in, I'll tell him you called..
Ha.. well this one is a bit mean.. its a Joke, I heard or made..can't remember ha when I was a Anarchist.. lame huh.. I was 17... shh!
anyways it goes like this
"I just saw a flying pig!"
O you saw a police helicopter?
I know I know I deserve a couple thumbs down but anyways its still a bit funny...
A little johnny comes down for breakfast, since they live on a farm, his mother asks him if he has done his chores."Not yet," said the little johnny. His mother tells him he can't have any breakfast until he does his chores.
Well he's p!ssed off, so he goes to feed the chickens and he kicks a chicken. He goes off to feed the cows and he kicks a cow. Then he goes to feed the pigs and he kicks a pig.
He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. "How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk on my cereal?" he asks.
"Well" his mother says "I saw you kick the chicken so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any milk".
Just then his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat as he is walking into the kitchen. Little johnny looks up at his mother and with a smile says, "Are you going to tell him or should I?"