Help me plz??????!
Question: Jokes? I need too be cheered up, BADLY!!!! Going though, really bad times!!!!
Answers: Jokes? I need too be cheered up, BADLY!!!! Going though, really bad times!!!!
whats about eight inch's long has 2 nuts and makes girls fat ??
A almond Joy Bar !!!!!!! do you feel better ?
um...there were a bull and a mouse that found a genie, and the genie would give them three wishes, but only three....so the bull and mouse split the wishes up between them: bull-2 and mouse-1 because the bull was bigger. the bull wished that all of the bulls in the world would turn into cows except him and "poof" his wish was granted. the bull's second wish was that all of the cows in the world were there with him...."poof" his wish was granted
now it was the mouses turn. he told the genie "i wish that bull was gay" "poof" his wish was granted.
...Okay, here goes. Have you ever heard of "Video Fireplace"? It is a video of a fire. In this country people build phony fireplaces around their TV sets and place the DVD for a "fire effect" without the fire. A few more facts:
1. The fire is copyrighted, so you cannot copy it.
2. Fake ashes and smoke sold separately.
3. There are fire sounds, music, but no narration (the DVD is 1 - 3 1/2 hours, so what would one say for that long).
4. If you like to play in the fire as I do, be careful - real fireplace tools might damage your screen.
5. If you find that the TV set with the fire somewhat embarrassing, just turn the TV set around the other way.
6. It's a great way to NOT warm your hands.
Hope this can cheer you up a bit...
The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked its length, looking for an empty seat. The only one unoccupied was adjacent to a well-dressed middle-aged lady and was being used by her little dog. The war weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?"
The French woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see Little Fifi is using that seat?"
The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another" trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog. Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired."
The French woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!"
The soldier didn't say anything else; he leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat.
The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier.
An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know,you Americans do have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong BlTCH out the window."
or maybe this will?
A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend. She was thrilled at the speed.
"If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked.
"Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend.
And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes.
Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel.
"Go and get help!" he cried.
"But I can't. I'm naked and my clothes are gone!"
"Take my shoe", he said, "and cover yourself."
Holding the shoe over her pubes, the girl ran down the road and found a service station. Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, "Please help me! My boyfriend's stuck!"
The proprietor looked at the shoe and said, "There's nothing I can do...he's in too far."