Mental health hotline.?!
Question: "Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press no one will answer.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the star key until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social
security number and your mother's maiden name.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.
If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self esteem. Please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.
Answers: "Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press no one will answer.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the star key until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social
security number and your mother's maiden name.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.
If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self esteem. Please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.
hehehe, you got the number hun, think i need to call them, pmsl
star time
xxxxxxxxxxx
hahahahahaha!!! hehehehehehe!! lmao!! thanks for the giggles!!
i think that was very funny....
LOL
That's just plain hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!
LOL
That one's been floating around for years, but it still cracks me up every time! Thanks for posting!
ha ha ha funny
thanks for a laugh
10/10
Roflmfao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...
Your Jokes are funny
brilliant !!!!!!!!!!
Extremely funny.
What if you are suicidal?
Funnyyy
Love it
=]
ROFL! ive heard this before but i always find it funny... Keep it up! ;D
Things You Can't Say at Work
ahhh...i see the f*ck-up fairy has visited us again...
i don't know what your problem is, but i'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
i see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
it sounds like english, but i can't understand a word you're saying.
i can see your point, but i still think you're full of sh*t.
i like you. you remind me of when i was young and stupid.
you are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
i have plenty of talent and vision. i just don't give a damn.
i'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth. thank you.
we're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
what am i? flypaper for freaks!?
yes, i am an agent of satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
and your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be...?
do i look like a people person?
this isn't an office. it's hell with fluorescent lighting.
sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
if i throw a stick, will you leave?
i'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
can i trade this job for what's behind door #1?
how do i set a laser printer to stun?
i thought i wanted a career, turns out i just wanted a paycheck.
very funny ive heard it b4 but it will neva get old
ha ha ha excellent,,, posted this one myself in the last month, hope it does as well as mine did
star
LOL, I've heard this one before. It's still funny though, it's been a long time! Mine would be 9696969696!
1111111111111111111111111111111111111111...
PICK UP!!!
11111111111111111111111111111111111111...
GAH!!!
11111111111111111111111111111111111111...
WHY WON'T YOU PICK UP!!!
11111111111111111111111111111111111111... oh ****
That's a cracker, have a star. xxx
very good star4u
Those are going on my answering machine. lol.