Does anyone know any HILARIOUS jokes?!
Question: An Italian in Toronto, Canada:-
One day I go to Toronto and stay in a bigga hotel.
I go down to eat soma breakfast. I tella the waitress I wanna two pissa toast. She bring me only one piss.
I tella her I wanna two piss; she say, go to toilet - I say, you no
understand, I wanna two piss on my plate. She say you betta no piss on plate, you sonna ma b*tch! I don't even know lady, she calla me somma ma b*tch.
Then I go to pharmacia with a cougha. The man he give me candy ana tell me fa cough! - I don't even know man ana he tella me FA COUGH!
Later I got to eat soma lunch at Ricky's Place, the waitress she bring me spoon, a knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock -
She tell me everybody wanna fock. I tella her, you no understand, Iwanna fock on table.
She say you betta not fock on table you sonna ma b*tch - I not even know lady ana she call me sonna ma b*tch.
So, I go back to my hotel room, an there's no sheet on my bed. I calla the manager and tella him I wanna sheet, he tell me go to toilet.
So, I say, you no understand, I wanna sheet on bed. He say
you betta not sheet on bed you sonna ma b*tch. I don't even know man ana he call me sonna ma b*tch!
I go to check out of hotel and man at desk say peace to you. I say peace on you too!, you sonna ma b*tch! - I GO BACK TO ITALY!!!
Answers: An Italian in Toronto, Canada:-
One day I go to Toronto and stay in a bigga hotel.
I go down to eat soma breakfast. I tella the waitress I wanna two pissa toast. She bring me only one piss.
I tella her I wanna two piss; she say, go to toilet - I say, you no
understand, I wanna two piss on my plate. She say you betta no piss on plate, you sonna ma b*tch! I don't even know lady, she calla me somma ma b*tch.
Then I go to pharmacia with a cougha. The man he give me candy ana tell me fa cough! - I don't even know man ana he tella me FA COUGH!
Later I got to eat soma lunch at Ricky's Place, the waitress she bring me spoon, a knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock -
She tell me everybody wanna fock. I tella her, you no understand, Iwanna fock on table.
She say you betta not fock on table you sonna ma b*tch - I not even know lady ana she call me sonna ma b*tch.
So, I go back to my hotel room, an there's no sheet on my bed. I calla the manager and tella him I wanna sheet, he tell me go to toilet.
So, I say, you no understand, I wanna sheet on bed. He say
you betta not sheet on bed you sonna ma b*tch. I don't even know man ana he call me sonna ma b*tch!
I go to check out of hotel and man at desk say peace to you. I say peace on you too!, you sonna ma b*tch! - I GO BACK TO ITALY!!!
A bloke goes to a doctor and says "Doc Ive got a cricket ball stuck up my AR$E"
The doc says "Hows That"
The bloke says "Dont you start"
A man's son was born just a head, he didn't have any arms, legs, a neck, or trunk.
When the kid turned twenty-one the father took him to the bar to have drink. The father orders his son a beer and gives him a drink.
*pop* a trunk pops down from his head. The son is very excited and tells his dad to give him another drink.
*pop* out come arms, legs, hands and feet.
Now the son is jumping for joy...this is the happiest he has ever been in his life.
The father proposes a toast...the son takes a drink and...*BAM*
The son disappeared.
The bartender watched all of this and said to the father,"He should've quit when he was a head."
there's an old couple at church the old lady turns to her husband and whispers "omg there's nothing wrong with my bowels I've just farted and it don't even smell dear " hubby turns around to her and shouts the batteries are dead in your hearing aid so is your sense of smell"
A woman starts dating a doctor. Before too long, she becomes pregnant and they don't know what to do. About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection.
The doctor says to the woman, "I know what we'll do. After I've operated on the priest, I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle."
"Do you think it will work?" she asks the doctor.
"It's worth a try," he says.
So the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest. After the operation he goes in to the priest and says, "Father, you're not going to believe this."
"What?" says the priest. "What happened?"
"You gave birth to a child."
"But that's impossible!"
"I just did the operation," insists the doctor. "It's a miracle! Here's your baby."
About fifteen years go by, and the priest realizes that he must tell his son the truth.
One day he sits the boy down and says, "Son, I have something to tell you. I'm not your father."
The son says, "What do you mean, you're not my father?"
The priest replies, "I'm your mother. The archbishop is your father."
*
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette head.
Girl: *looks inquisitively at her mother* Whyy are some of your hair white, mom ?
Mom: Well .. Everytime you do something wrong that make me cry or unhappy, one strand of my hair will turn white.
Girl: OHH .. Then how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white ??
A 60-year-old couple are celebrating their 40th wedding annivesary.During the celebrations a fairy appears and
says that,since they have been such a loving couple,she'll give them each 1 wish.The wife wishes to travel the world.The fairy waves her wand and poof!She has a handful of tickets.Next,it's the husband's turn.He pauses for a moment,then says,"I'd like to have a woman 30years younger than me."So the fairy picks up her wand and poof!He's 90