Who out there has the funniest joke??? I will give 10 points to the best joke...!


Question: Looking for all types of jokes dirty, clean...doesn't matter...Whoever has the best joke will be awarded 10 points...good luck...


Answers: Looking for all types of jokes dirty, clean...doesn't matter...Whoever has the best joke will be awarded 10 points...good luck...

What do women and a bucket of extra crispy chicken have in common?

When you are done nibbling on the breasts and the thighs, you always have a greasy bucket to put your bone in.

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  • Amzy's Avatar by Amzy
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    August 19, 2006
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  • Superman is bored and flying around when he sees Wonder woman naked and spread eagled on top of a building. Always fancying her he swoops down and faster than a speeding bullet does his thing then flies off. A moment later she says What was that? The invisible man rolls off of her and says I don't know but it hurt a lot.

    Little Red Riding Hood was walking thru the forest and the big, bad wolf jumped out and said "I'm gonna rape you" Little Red Riding Hood pulled a .357 out of her picnic basket and said "Like hell you are! You're gonna eat me, just like the story says" !

    A 75-year-old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count.

    The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."

    The next day the 75-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

    The doctor asked what happened and the man explained: "Well, doc, it's like this - First I tried with my right hand, but nothing.

    Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left, still nothing.

    She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing.

    We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."

    The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"

    The old man replied, "Yep. And no matter what we tried, we still couldn't get the top of the jar off."

    Q: What's Yellow and Fulffy?




    A: Yellow Fluff

    wots brown and sticky?????????a stick' wots the difference between a blonde and a clothes washing machine?????????????u can dump your load into a washer,and it wont follow you around all week'

    Dear Abby:

    I have been engaged for almost a year. I am to be married next month.
    My fiancee's mother is not only very attractive but really great and
    understanding. She is putting the entire wedding together and invited
    me to her place to go over the invitation list because it had grown a
    bit beyond what we had expected it to be. When I got to her place, we
    reviewed the list and trimmed it down to just under a hundred... then
    she floored me. She said that in a month I would be a married man and
    that before that happened, she wanted to have sex with me.

    Then she just stood up and walked to her bedroom and on her way said
    that I knew where the front door was if I wanted to leave. I stood
    there for about five minutes and finally decided that I knew exactly
    how to deal with this situation.

    I headed straight out the front door...............
    There, leaning against my car, was her husband, my father-in-law to be.
    He was smiling. He explained that they just wanted to be sure I was a
    good kid and would be true to their little girl. I shook his hand and
    he congratulated me on passing their little test. Abby, should I tell
    my fiancee what her parents did, and that I thought their "little test"
    was asinine and insulting to my character?

    Or should I keep the whole thing to myself, including the fact that the
    reason I was walking out to my car was to get a condom?

    Signed,

    Confused

    The cutest little 5-year-old girl walk into a Pet shop.
    She asks the clerk 'Do you have any wabbits?'
    The clerk melts and gets down on her knees to be in the girls level, and asks
    'Do you want a white fluffy wabbit, or a bwown wabbit, or a bwack wabbit?'

    The little girl puts her hands on her back, rocking back and forth on the heels and toes and says:

    "I don't fink my pyfon gives a phuk"

    An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough."

    "Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

    "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up.

    Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like hell they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.

    The old man hangs up his phone, too, and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "they're coming for Thanksgiving. Now what do we tell them for Christmas?"

    or this?

    Girl: “Forgive me father for I have sinned.”
    Priest: “What have you done my child?”

    Girl: “I called a man a son of a BlTCH.”
    Priest: “Why did you call him a son of a BlTCH?”

    Girl: “Because he touched my hand.”
    Priest: “Like this?” (as he touches her hand)

    Girl: “Yes father.”
    Priest: “That’s no reason to call a man a son of a BlTCH.”

    Girl: “Then he touched my breast.”
    Priest: “Like this?” (as he touched her breast)

    Girl: “Yes father.”
    Priest: “That’s no reason to call him a son of a BlTCH.”

    Girl: “Then he took off my clothes, father.”
    Priest: “Like this?” (as he takes off her clothes)

    Girl: “Yes father.”
    Priest: “That’s no reason to call him a son of a BlTCH.”

    Girl: “Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where.”
    Priest: “Like this?” (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)

    Girl: “YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!”
    Priest: (after a few minutes): “That’s no reason to call him a son of a BlTCH.”

    Girl: “But father he had AIDS!”
    Priest: “THAT SON OF A BlTCH!!!”

    Ther was a kid in kindergarden and his homework was to know the first four letters of the A,B,C. So he goes to his house and ask's his mom mom whats the first letter of the alphabet and shes on the phone and says shut up! Then he writes it down. So then he goes to his sister what is the first letter of the allphabet and shes listening to his MP3 player an says Oh Yeah Oh Yeah Oh Ha. He writes it down. He goes to his little brother he asks him (You know) and he's wathing superman so he say Da Da Da Da Superman. He writes it down. Then he goes to his dad and ask's him (you know) and he's wathing football so he says 24 Hit Him Hard! He writes it down.



    So then he has to go to school and the teacher ask's him what are the first four letters of (you know) and he says Shut Up!!! And the teacher say Would you like to go to the princible!!?? And he says Oh Yeah Oh Yeah! So he goes to the princible and he asks Who Do You Think You Are!!?? And he say Da Da Da Superman! So then the princible says how many spankings do you want!

    Then he says 24! Hit Em Hard!!


    LOL!!

    Weaving Driver

    A police officer pulls over this guy who's been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyser tube."
    The man says, "Sorry, officer, I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that, I'll have a really bad asthma attack."
    "Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample."
    "I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death."
    "Well, then, we need a urine sample."
    "I'm sorry, officer, I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that, I'll get really low blood sugar."
    "All right, then I need you to come out here and walk this white line."
    "I can't do that, officer."
    "Why not?"
    "Because I'm drunk."



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