Someone please tell me the funniest joke ever!?!
Question: i need a really good laugh!~plez:-(
Answers: i need a really good laugh!~plez:-(
this is kinda racist but its ok I guess
why are all the black guys fast?
that's because the slow ones are in jail
lol
two peanuts were walking down the street and one was a salted (assaulted)
bwahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahaha...
knock knock
whos there?
lettuce
lettuce who?
lettuce in its cold out there!
got to be the oldest one in the book.
lol, its not funny at all
there are two muffins in an oven. one of them says "boy it's hot in here!" the other one says "AAA! a talking muffin!"
hahaha
funny in third grade...funny now.
Why was Helen Keller a terrible driver?
Because she was a woman.
your mom goes to college
ok this girl looked in the mirror and realized something so funny she pratically laughed to death....your face!! XD j/k j/k j/k
you must follow alwyz your heart not ur mind because theres a sying
"never mind"...hahahahah
what is the difference between a gay guy and a refrigerator??
when you pull the meat out of the fridge it doesn't fart :]
A patient on the psychatrists sofa tells the doctor 'I'm so bored that everyone ignores me" and the doctor says 'next patient please'
Here's three, haha. I like the first and second ones the best. =]
#1.
It was Friday, and four nuns went to the priest at the local Catholic
church to ask for the weekend off. They argued back and forth for a
few minutes. Finally the priest agreed to let them leave the convent
for the weekend. "However", he said, "as soon as you get back Monday
morning I want you to confess to me what you did over the weekend."
The four nuns agree, and run off.
Monday comes, and the four nuns return. The first nun goes to the
priest and says, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned." The priest
asks, "What did you do, Sister?" She replies, "I watched an R-rated
movie." The priest looks up at heaven for a few seconds, then replies,
"You are forgiven. Go and drink the holy water." The first nun leaves,
and the fourth nun begins to chuckle quietly under her breath.
The second nun then goes up to the preist and says, "Forgive me,
Father, for I have sinned." The priest replies, "OK, what happened?"
She says, "I was driving my brother's car down the street in front of
his house, and I hit a neighbor's dog and killed it." The priest looks
up to heaven for half a minute, then says, "You are forgiven. Go and
drink the holy water." The second nun goes out. By this time, the
fourth nun is laughing quite audibly.
Then the third nun walks to the priest and says, "Forgive me, Father,
I have sinned." The priest asks" Out with it. What did you do?"
She says, "Last night, I ran naked up and down Main Street." The
priest looks up at heaven for a full five minutes before responding,
"God forgives you. Go and drink the holy water." She leaves. The
fourth nun falls on the floor, laughing so hard tears run down her
cheeks.
The priest asks her, "OK. What did you do that was so bloody funny?"
The fourth nun replies, "I peed in the holy water..."
#2.
Four nun's got in a car accident and died. Of course, they went up to
heaven and St. Peter was waiting for them at the gate.
"Ladies, please confess your sins so that you may pass through the
gates," says St. Peter. Well, naturally, the first nun walks up and
says," "St. Peter, I must confess I once saw a man's penis!"
Don't worry, says St. Peter, go wash your eyes in that holy water and
your sin will be forgiven.
The second nun comes up and says, "I must confess I once touched a
man's penis!"
Ohhh, says St. Peter, that is truly a sin, but go and was your hands
in the holy water and your sins will be forgiven...
...meanwhile, in the backround the THIRD and FOURTH nuns are
going at it, yelling and cursing at each other. "What is the problem,
that you should make so much noise at the gates of heaven?" asks St.
Peter.
"Well," says the FOURTH nun, "there is NO WAY I am going to gargle
with that holy water after HER *** has been in it!!!"
#3.
This german tourist was on a bus tour of Castilla during the summer
that had a stop at this old convent. The tour wasn't that interesting
and he managed to stay behind and start wandering. Feeling the urge,
he stopped to pee on the outside wall of the chapel. While he was
doing his business, he was surprised by the Mother Superior. "OH! I am
soo sorry!' "No," she replied. "Actually, I've never seen a
man's...You know. Could I take a look?" The tourist was freaked out by
a nun asking to see his works but it was kinda kinky in a way, so he
figured, what the hell. The nun looked at it for a bit and as he was
about to put it away she said, "You know, I always wanted to touch it.
Would you mind...?" "This is really wierd, but sure." The tourist was
getting really exited. Who could say that you had been tossed off by
a nun? "Could you take it all out so that I can get a complete
expience?" the nun requested. The tourist, sure that he was about to
get laid, willingly took down his pants. The nun began fondleing his
testicles and sudennly straightened, and said,
"Don't (SQUEEZE) piss (SQUEEZE) on the (SQUEEZE) church (SQUEEZE) walls!!!!!!!!!!!(SQUEEZE).
Why did the chicken cross the road? So he didn't miss the bus that was going to Albequrky to see his great great uncle Moe who fought in world war 2 where he met his best friend Howie Noonyezz a mexican immagrant from Chile the hometown of the burrito later renamed the taco.
so a man walks into a bar, and sees is friend BIll sitting there lookin all depressed. he asks him
"hey bill? whats up you seem pissed?"
"well, you remember that girl at work I always talk about..and how every time I see her I get an erection?"
friend : "yeah, what about her bro?"
bill: "well I asked her out on a date and she said yes"
friend: "how is that a bad thing?"
bill: "I decided if I tape ******* to my leg she cant see my erection"
friend: :howd that wrok out?"
bill: " well she opened the door and smiled, and I kicked her in the face."
lol?
why do you need a good laugh
A guy thought his wife was cheating on him. So he waited for her to leave one night and jumped in a cab to follow her. He soon found out she was working in a whorehouse.
The guy says to the cabbie, "Wanna make a $100?"
The cabbie says, "Sure, what do I have to do?"
The guy replied that all the cabbie has to do was go inside the whorehouse, grab his wife and bring her into the cab.
So the cabbie goes in, and a couple of minutes later the whorehouse door is kicked open, and the cabbie is dragging a woman out who is kicking, biting, punching, and fighting all the way to the cab.
The cabbie opens the door, throws the girl inside and tells the man, "Hold her!"
The man looks down at the girl and screams to the cabbie, "THIS AIN'T MY WIFE!"
The cabbie replies, "I know, she's mine; I'm going back in for yours.
What did one pea say to the other pea?
Nothing, peas don't talk!!!
I used to tell this joke as a little girl and remembered it a while ago, could not stop laughing!
Would you answer this please, pretty please please please???
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?...
Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he’d like to eat. "I’ll have some fuckin’ French toast," he says. The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants. "Well, I guess that leaves more fuckin’ French toast for me," he says. She is livid, smacks him, and sends him away. Finally she asks the youngest son what he wants for breakfast. "I don’t know," he says meekly, "but I definitely don’t want the fuckin’ French toast."
WHAT DID THE SALAD SAID TO THE FRIDGE....................??????????????...
GUESSING??????????????????????
??????????????????????????
???????????????????????
???????????????????????????
???????????????????????????????
??????????????????????????????
??????????????????????????
??????????????????????????
???????????????????????????
CLOSE THE DOOR IAM DRESSING......................
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA A HA HA H AHA HA HA
If this doesn't get u laughing I dont know what will
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bfGRBIZA6...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7aRqxlGdT...
At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
"Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."
or this?
Boy and girl in a religious education class. The girl falls asleep.
The teacher asks a question. "Who created Earth?"
The boy pokes her with a pen and she yells, "God!" She falls back to sleep.
The teacher asks another question, "Who is our Lord and Savior?"
The boy again pokes her with a pen and she says, "Jesus Christ!" She falls back to sleep.
The teacher asks another questrion, "What did Mary say to Joseph after their 23rd baby?"
The boy pokes her with a pen and she says, "If you stick that thing in me one more time I swear I will snap it in half!!!"
"da nile isnt just a river in egypt"
Your moms so fat, her leg fat stops flapping 60 secs after she stops walking.
Wife looks in the mirror and tells her husband:"Honey,I look fat,ugly and horrible.Please tell me something thats nice in me."
Husband:"Your eyesight is perfect."
why did the chicken cross the road with scissors?
to cut corners.
A Japanese doctor says, 'Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him out looking for work in six weeks.'
A German doctor says, 'That is nothing. We can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him out looking for work in four weeks.'
A British doctor says, 'In my country medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have both of them out looking for work in two weeks.'
The American doctor, not to be outdone, interjected, 'You guys are way behind. We are about to take a woman with no brains, send her to Washington where she will become President, and then half the country will be out looking for work.'
once there was a sarder G.(who r a tribe of da indian people and r famous 4 being silly)..............he sits in a bus the bus driver tells him that is that true tat u guys r famous 4 ur silliness.the sardar g says no...the bus driver syas then answer my question......there r 3 people in my house my wife my son and tell me whos the 3rd person....................the sarder thinks alot but cod not answer the driver says well ofcourse me....................the sardder g goes 2 his village and tell his village people that i will ask u a question if u guys answer it then i will beleive that v r clever people..........they said thta ask.............the sardar g ask well there r 3 people in my house my wife my son and whos da 3 rd guy.......they say well o course u...the sarder g says no idioits the bus driver.............................
3 guys walked into a bar.
dont you think one of them would of seen it.
?
"Yo mamma's teeth are so rotten when she smiles it looks like dice"
erry1 i told layghed probz cos we so hypo anywyas lol
Shortest joke in the world:
Bush.
hahahha.
do u want to see "NOTHING"
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NOTHING
srk looks handsome
smile its joke