Can anyone cheer me up???!
Question: My life is terrible right now and i really need someone to cheer me up! Does anyone have a really good joke they're willing to share? =)
Easy 10pts for the first joke that makes me laugh!
Answers: My life is terrible right now and i really need someone to cheer me up! Does anyone have a really good joke they're willing to share? =)
Easy 10pts for the first joke that makes me laugh!
1.here is a riddle what can you subtract by half to get zero?
2.there were three dudes named shut up,manners,and poop they were walking down the street and poop fell down so manners is there to pick him up and shut up goes to search for a officer.he finds the officer and the officer asks what is your name and shut up says shut up and then the police officer says were sre your manners young man and shut up says across the street picking up poop.
3.this is a riddle.what starts with f and ends with uck
Is your fridge running? Better go catch it..lol
Q:Why did the monkey fall out of the tree????
A:Because he was dead!!
A lawyer runs a stop sign in Jamaica and gets pulled over by the police. He thinks that he is smarter than the police because he is a lawyer in Kingston and is certain that he has a better education that any Jamaican police officer. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the officers expense. The police officer say, “Your license and registration please.” “What for?” asks the lawyer. The police officer says, “ You didn’t come to a complete stop,” say the officer, “your license and registration please.”
The lawyer says, “What’s the difference?” “De difference is that you have to come to a complete stop-that’s the law. License and registration please!” the officer repeats. The lawyer replied, “If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I’ll give you my license and registration and you give me a ticket. If not, you let me go and don’t give me no ticket.” “That sounds fair, but you have to get the hell out the vehicle, sir,” said the officer. At this point, the officer gets mad, pulls out his baton and beats the ever-loving hell out of the lawyer then says, “You want me to stop, or just slow down? What’s the difference? Tell me quick!”
Two children were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying very loudly.
2nd Child: Why are you crying?
1st Child: I came here for a blood test.
2nd Child: So? Are you afraid?
1st Child: No. For the blood test, they cut my finger.
At this, the second one started crying profusely.
The first one was astonished.
1st Child: Why are you crying now?
2nd Child: I came for a urine test !
go hug someone!
hmmm.......good night my little butterfly! eh...eh??
why was mr bean late for a meeting?..he was stuck for hours on the escalator!!!
well this isnt a joke ..its something that my 5 year old son said to me. I am taking ice skating lessons and he asked me if i was wearing a helmet. I said no i didnt think i needed one right now and that i was more likly to fall on my butt than to hit my head. He very thoughtfully suggested that i get a Butt-Helmet!
I read this one earlier someone else put up I thought it was funny so maybe it will cheer u up
Parking Ticket
I went to the store the other day, and I was in there for only about 5 minutes.
When I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket so I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?"
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket so I called him a pencil-necked Nazi. He glared at me and started. Writing another ticket for worn tires!
I called him a piece of horse manure. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!
This went on for about 20 minutes...The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote but I didn't care. My car was parked around the corner.
How do you make a hormone?
You tell her a bad joke.
10pts eh. That is morbidly obese!
go to some sort of video site like youtube and search "Dane Cook" and try to find his video about burgerking, aka bk lounge. he's hilarious. or just go to the link below.
Not a joke but just think whatever doesn't kill me makes me stronger in the long run. Every human goes through many obstacles. You are not the first and you won't be the last. Treat each obstacle as you would in a video game. In a video game you are rewarded for each hurdle you overcome. Treat real life the same. For each obstacle you overcome reward yourself with experience points. The more obstacles you overcome, the more experience points you get. The more experience, the more happiness you get.
I don't have a joke but, I thought that these were pretty funny.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1j_fxs8mU...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-MW4TgdKo...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yvHWyvex... -This is one of my all- time favorites.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sY_Yf4zz-...
err...no..except thiss
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again by themselves.
The lad asked, "What is this, father?"
The father, having never seen an elevator, responded, "I have no idea what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls.
The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepped out.
The father looked at his son anxiously and said, "Go get your mother."
ok i have a good one:]
so there was this man in an indian tribe and he always made the tribe laugh too much that they diedd. so they kicked him out... after living wihout hte tribe for 20 years...he thought his funniness went away. so he started walking back to the tribe....and there was a man(very stupid man!) with a donkey...and the man said "ill test him...lets see if he will laugh and die" so he said a joke and the stupid man scratched his head and went with his donkey. hhappily the tribe man thought that his finniness was gone! 10 minuts laterrr the stupid man comes with a ddead donkey in his arms sayign what did u sayy! he dieddd:]
i hope i made u feel better
if u dont get it the whole meanng is that the stupid man never got the joke but the donkey did:] that man was too stupid to undersstandd
You don't need questiona and answer to cheer you up. You need to take control of your life. Get rid of the needless garbage that you have created for yourself. You create your own happiness or failure. If you are not old enough to get out of a bad situation, FIND SOMEONE TO TALK TO THAT WILL LISTEN. When you are old enough to remove yourself from a bad situation. THEN DO IT. You have one life. If your old enough to have control over it, then refuse to participate in the chaos. Remove yourself from those causing chaos from you.
Hey, I'm sorry for whatever's making u sad. I hope you feel better. I'll pray that you feel better. I don't really have a joke that I can think of right now but I just wanted you to know that I'll pray for you.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
to get to the other side.
Why did the turkey cross the road?
he was taped to the chicken.
Here my nine year old has one.
Why couldn't the eleven year old watch pirates of the Caribbean
Because its rated- ARGH.
2 small children meet in hospital
child 1: why are you here
child 2: broken leg
child 1: ouch thats really bad you wont be able to walk for months
child 2: so why are you here ?
child 1: circumcision
child 2: damn i had that when i was a baby, couldnt walk for two whole years
Sorry to hear that... hope this can cheer you up a little...
A good Irish man, John O’Reilly, met regularly with his toastmasters club. One evening they were hitting the Guinness Stout and having a contest at who could make the best toast. John O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!” That won him the top prize for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, “I won the prize for the best toast of the night.” She said, “Aye, what was your toast?” John said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life Sitting in church beside me wife.” “Oh that is very nice indeed, John!”, Mary said.
The next day Mary ran into one of John’s toasting buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, “John won the prize the other night with a toast about you Mary.”
She said, “Aye and I was a bit surprised meself! You know, he’s only been there twice! Once he fell asleep and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come!”
or this?
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench.
After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.
"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were like killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, "Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!"
I'm like... Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!?!?!?
2morrow is not PROMISED so slapthe bi-ch you hate todayb-cuz you might not see that bi-ch 2morrow,
Try this, its not a joke but you might like it.
http://u-excel.com/main1/wp-content/uplo...
OMG ! i h8 that, my life always gets like that too, try to think of the good things, like cloths, animals, smiley faces, musics, long walks on the beach :)) ! AND CAKE :)) !
dont worry be happy, when you worry you make it double so put a smile on yo face, dont get mad get glad ! LOLOL !
it takes 46 muscles to frown but only 4 muscles to flip them the bird ! LOLOL ! <3<3333
i would suggest this...=]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HzS-OdWVp...
An elephant says to a camel, "hey why do you have **** on your back?" the camel says, "hey thats interesting coming from someone who has a penis on their face."
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3
A man is taking a walk in Central park in New York. Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog . He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life. A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: "Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl" The man says: - "But I am not a New Yorker!" "Oh ,then it will say in newspapers in the morning: 'Brave American saves life of little girl'" – the policeman answers. "But I am not an American!" – says the man. "Oh, what are you then? " The man says: - "I am a Saudi !" The next day the newspapers says: "Islamic extremist kills innocent American dog.
sorry for your losses.
Wish everyone dying of starvation could log onto Yahoo Answers to ask for a joke.
go to tvland NOW and catch the rest of Young Frankesntein! their dancing on stage NOW.I highly recommend getting the dvd, also " any which way you can" with clint eastwood.
Why was 6 afraid of 7. Because 7 ate 9! Hah.