Tell me some lovely jokes.?!


Question: Santa: today I made a fool of water?

Banta: how did you do that?

Santa: I heated some water for a bath and bathed with cold water


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Santa: My wife is still scared of water

Banta: how come?

Santa: yesterday when i went home,
she was in the bath tub with the security guard!!


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Santa to his wife: darling, years ago u had a figure like coke bottle.

Jeeto: yes darling i still do, only differnece is earlier it was 300ml
now it's 1.5 ltr.


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banta: you cheated me.

shopkeeper: no, i sold a good radio to you.

banta: radio label shows made in japan but radio says this is all india
radio!


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nurse: congrats santa, you are a father.

santa: don't tell my wife, i want to surprise her!


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Everybody was angry with the hike in petrol prices

Santa: Sir, why are you so angry?

Sir: The petrol price is increasing day-by-day, this is not fair.
Santaji, you don't look worried?

Santa: Why should i worry. For me it is the same price.

Sir: how come?

Santa: Earlier also i filled for Rs 100 now also i fill for rs 100!

Sir: ???????????


Santa to Bill Gates




Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

This letter is from Banta Singh from Punjab. We have bought a computer for our home and we found problems, which I want to bring to your notice.

1. After connecting to internet we planned to open e-mail account and whenever we fill the form in Hotmail in the password column, only ****** appears, but in the rest of the fields whatever we typed appears, but we face this problem only in password field. We checked with hardware vendor Santa Singh and he said that there is no problem in keyboard.
Because of this we open the e-mail account with password *****. I request you to check this as we ourselves do not know what the password is.

2. We are unable to enter anything after we click the 'shut down ' button.

3. There is a button 'start' but there is no "stop" button. We request you to check this.

4. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friend clicked 'run ' has ran upto Amritsar ! So, we request you to change that to "sit", so that we can click that by sitting.

5. One doubt is that any 're-scooter' available in system? As I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.

6. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot for tracing the key with this ' find', but unable to trace. Is it a bug??

7. Every night I am not sleeping as I have to protect my 'mouse' from CAT, So I suggest u to provide one DOG to kill that cat.

8. Please confirm when u are going to give me money for winning 'HEARTS' (playing cards in games) and when are u coming to my home to collect ur
money.

9. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when u will provide that?

Best regards,

Banta Singh


Answers: Santa: today I made a fool of water?

Banta: how did you do that?

Santa: I heated some water for a bath and bathed with cold water


--------


Santa: My wife is still scared of water

Banta: how come?

Santa: yesterday when i went home,
she was in the bath tub with the security guard!!


----------


Santa to his wife: darling, years ago u had a figure like coke bottle.

Jeeto: yes darling i still do, only differnece is earlier it was 300ml
now it's 1.5 ltr.


-----------


banta: you cheated me.

shopkeeper: no, i sold a good radio to you.

banta: radio label shows made in japan but radio says this is all india
radio!


-----------


nurse: congrats santa, you are a father.

santa: don't tell my wife, i want to surprise her!


------------


Everybody was angry with the hike in petrol prices

Santa: Sir, why are you so angry?

Sir: The petrol price is increasing day-by-day, this is not fair.
Santaji, you don't look worried?

Santa: Why should i worry. For me it is the same price.

Sir: how come?

Santa: Earlier also i filled for Rs 100 now also i fill for rs 100!

Sir: ???????????


Santa to Bill Gates




Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

This letter is from Banta Singh from Punjab. We have bought a computer for our home and we found problems, which I want to bring to your notice.

1. After connecting to internet we planned to open e-mail account and whenever we fill the form in Hotmail in the password column, only ****** appears, but in the rest of the fields whatever we typed appears, but we face this problem only in password field. We checked with hardware vendor Santa Singh and he said that there is no problem in keyboard.
Because of this we open the e-mail account with password *****. I request you to check this as we ourselves do not know what the password is.

2. We are unable to enter anything after we click the 'shut down ' button.

3. There is a button 'start' but there is no "stop" button. We request you to check this.

4. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friend clicked 'run ' has ran upto Amritsar ! So, we request you to change that to "sit", so that we can click that by sitting.

5. One doubt is that any 're-scooter' available in system? As I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.

6. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot for tracing the key with this ' find', but unable to trace. Is it a bug??

7. Every night I am not sleeping as I have to protect my 'mouse' from CAT, So I suggest u to provide one DOG to kill that cat.

8. Please confirm when u are going to give me money for winning 'HEARTS' (playing cards in games) and when are u coming to my home to collect ur
money.

9. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when u will provide that?

Best regards,

Banta Singh

sardar je fill d job application duly filling all coloums and last coloum salary expected he wrote :yes

Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of math class, obviously not paying any attention, when the teacher calls his name.
"Yeah teach?" he replies.
"If there are three ducks on a fence and you shoot one of them with a shotgun, how many are left?" asks the teacher.
Matt answers "Well, teach, if I shoot one of them with a shotgun, the loud noise is gonna make them all fly off."
"No, Matt, there will be two left if you shoot one with a shotgun, but I like the way you're thinking." the teacher responds.
"Well, teach, I've got a question for you... There are 3 women that come out of an ice-cream parlor, one is biting her ice-cream cone, one is licking it, and one is sucking on it. Which one is married?"
The teacher, a little taken back by the question answers, "Well, uh, gee Matt, I guess the one that's sucking on the ice cream."
Matt replies "No teach, the one that has the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking!"

A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices our Little Johnny trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, Little Johnny is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach.

After watching Little Johnny’s efforts for some time, the priest steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child’s shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring.

Crouching down to the child’s level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, “And now what, my little man?”

To which Little Johnny replies, “Now we run!”

or this?

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.

Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.

He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"

He stumbles into the kitchen and sure enough, there is a hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee, and the morning newspaper all waiting for him. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son... what happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 in the morning, drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."

Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh THAT! Well, Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed,'Leave me alone, I'm married!'"

Teacher: "Jimmy please tell us the cheamical formula for water"

Jimmy: "H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O"

Teacher: "What...huh? That's wrong I'm sorry."

Jimmy: "But yesterday you said it was H to O."

blonde: (comes out at nite time crying and sobbing)

people: why are you crying at this time of nite

blonde: i just recieved news that my father died

people: o ok that alright go to sleep and youll feel better

blonde: ( goes to sleep)

blonde: (comes out crying and sobbing again)

people: whats wrong this time

blonde: my sister just called and told me her father just died too!!



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