What are some funny jokes?!


Question: from momma jokes to normal jokes ANY KIND!


Answers: from momma jokes to normal jokes ANY KIND!

yo mumma so fat the only thing stopping her from getting to jenny craig is the front door

yo mumma so dumb she sits on the TV and watches the couch

what do you call an aboriginy going down a water slide?? Sewerage

what did ricky ponting say when the coach asked him 4X5?? Im stumped

There was a blonde a brunette and a red head. They were being chased by the cops so they run into a barn. They then hide in some sacks. The cops see the sacks moving around so he kickes them. red head who jumped in a sack of beef says Mooo. the brunette who jumped in a sack of pork says Oink oink. and the blonde who jumped in a sack of potatoes says potatoe potatoe

write pen fifteen (15) on someones hand and see what it says (pen15)

A kid comes home from school and he tell his dad...
Dad, dad in school the call me a monster and his dad yelled at his wife Maria come here the dog is talking.

Why doesnt Cinderella Play Soccer?




She keeps running away from the ball.







WHy does Tigger bounce on his tail through the 100 acre Wood?


So he doesn't step in POOH.





Get it?

A teacher ask her student, okay peter if I cut one of your ears what will happen and he replies I'll be deaf and then she ask what if I cut the other one he says I'll be blind scared the teacher ask why? he replys my glasses will fall off.

What is the pet peeve of a table?
Have legs and can't walk.


In an ad..
looking for lost mother in law and dog...reward for the return of the dog.

The are two molecules in the street and they crash one ask the other "are you okay" then other responds "no, I lost an electron" then other molecule ask "are you sure" then the one with the lose electron say "positive"

I'll send you more in e-mail... it's going to take me time to translate them.

P.S: By any chance do you know spanish.?

heres an aussie joke for ya.

when australia got its space program up and running the scientists decided to send up 3 astronauts with a monkey. before blast off, each was given an envelope, not to be opened until they'd got into orbit. Everything went pretty well, so they opened their envelopes.
The monkey's letter listed his tasks:
1. Recheck fuel supplies.
2. Review the instrument panel.
3. Adjust the solar power.
4. Recycle all urine for drinking purposes.
5. Check the automatic guiding systems.
6. Conduct the ten scientific experiments outlined on the next page.

The 3 astronauts opened their letters containing identical instructions. 'don't foret to feed the monkey'.

i posted this earlier(a while ago)


there were two BROTHERS who got into a huge fight
they were THROWING PUNCHES, KICKING, AND DISSING EACH OTHER
soon, the YOUNGER ONE says
"YOUR MAMA SO STUPID, SHE BROUGHT A RULER TO BED TO SEE HOW LONG SHE SLEPT"
then the OLDER BROTHER says
"well, you are so stupid, you just dissed yo mama!"

the caps words/phrases could be replaced for your own variaton

made it up myself
please comment-good or bad

an old man and woman meet in a bar and after talking decide to get a room and have a little fun
the woman pulls her shirt off and her boobs fall down to about her knees
about this time she tells the old man " i have to warn you i have an acute angina"
and to that he quickly responds" i hope so cause those are the ugliest titties I've seen in my life"

Decent joke?

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny.

"None, they all fly away with the first gunshot."

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."

Then Little Johnny says, "I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."

"The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on... but I like your thinking."

Naughty joke?

During one of her daily classes a teacher trying to teach good manners,
asked her students the following question:

"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"
Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee."
The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite."

"What about you Peter, how would you say it?"
Peter said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."
"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table."

"And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?"
"I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after dinner."

The teacher fainted....

or just this short joke?

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
A: She burned her lips on the exhaust pipe.



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