Tell me the funniest joke you know!?!?!
Question: What's the funniest joke you've ever heard or a riddle.
Answers: What's the funniest joke you've ever heard or a riddle.
Joke
A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks.
The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies. So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."
"Where are you going, coochy cooh?" asked the wife.
"I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer.
The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan , India , etc.
The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, lollypop...but at the bar.. you know...they have frozen glasses..."
He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, puppy
face?" She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.
The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, tootsie roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious...I won't be long. I'll be right back. I promise. OK?"
"You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh?" She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.
"But my sweet honey... at the bar... you know... there's swearing, dirty words and all that..."
"You want dirty words, D*ickhead? Drink your fu-king beer in your damn frozen mug and eat your mother-fu-king snacks, because you are married now, and you aren't going anywhere! Got that, a$$hole?"
Riddle
Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
A: Last year's hide and seek champion.
hello this is mike birbiglia
this is your mother
why didn't Frankenstein have any kids
because his nuts were on his neck
Blonde 1: Look, a dead bird
Blonde 2: *looks up* Where?
A football coach is driving through Alabama when he spots a strapping young man throwing bales of hay into the second story window of a barn. He stops, gets a football out of the trunk, walks up to the farmboy and asks,"Hi, I'm Coach Martin from the university. This is a football. Do you think you can pass it?"
The young man looks at the ball and ponders for a few moments, then replies, "Well,sir, if I can swallow it, I can pass it."
How are the Starship Enterprise and a roll of toilet paper alike?
Both go flying around Uranus (your an-s) looking for Klingons (cling ons).