Funny jokes please!?!
Question: i'm a grump today...I sprained my ankle and i'm not allowed to walk or put any pressure on my ankle...any joke will do i just need something to cheer me up. thank you!
Answers: i'm a grump today...I sprained my ankle and i'm not allowed to walk or put any pressure on my ankle...any joke will do i just need something to cheer me up. thank you!
A man walks into a bar, says Ouch!
Two men walk into a bar, think at least one of them would have seen it
A termite walks into a bar, says, "Where's the bartender?" (get it, bar---tender?!)
A jew, a Christian, a Muslim, and a gay man walk into a bar. Bartender looks at them and says, "What is this? Some kind of Joke?"
What does a GREEN PARTY member consider someone chopping down a tree?
TREASON!
(TREE-son)
Why do women fake orgasms? Because they think men care.
why dont dinosaurs talk?
cause there all dead
Why can't women find a nice, caring, and sensitive man?
Because those of type of men have boyfriends.
:-D
WANNA HEAR A DIRTY JOKE ----- BOY FELL IN THE MUD
I know this is corny.. but my little second graders at work told me a few the other day that are cute.
Q. What do you call a pig that knows karate?
A. Pork Chop!
Q. Why was the tissue dancing?
A. He had a little boogie in him!
I thought they were cute.
why did captain hook cross the road?
to get to the second hand shop.
get it.
Sorry about the ankle. Yes it can hurt like crazy.
sorry for your ankle, ok.. why are they maltese the fattest from all europe?
because they have the yummiest food in europe!!
so a farmer's 3 daughters are going on a date. The Farmer is very protective of his daughters.
So the first person...
Hi! My names Joe!
Im here for Flo!
We are going to the show!
Is she ready to go?
The farmer thought he was ok and let him go
The next guy...
Hey my names Eddy
Im here for Heidi
We are going to eat some spagetti
Is she ready?
The farmer let those 2 go off
The Third Guy.......
Hey my name is Chuck!
And the farmer shot him
women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a beer gut and a bald patch and still think they're sexy!!
“Danger! Beware of dog!”
Upon entering a little country store, the stranger noticed a sign warning, “Danger! Beware of dog!” posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register.
“Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?” he asked the owner.
“Yep, that’s him,” came the reply.
The stranger couldn’t help but be amused. “That certainly doesn’t look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?”
“Because,” the owner explained, “Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him.”
Ok, there are 3 men that get on a plane.
during the flight they have to lighten their load so they each drop somthing out the window. When they land they see 3 kids. The first man says to the 1 kid,"Why r u crying?'' Because i got hit by flying luggage. the second man says 2 the 2 kid why r u crying and the 2 kid says the same thing So the 3 mangoes to the3 kid and says ,"Why r u laughing" the 3 kid says because i farted and my house blew up!!!