Funniest joke?!
Question: What's the funniest joke that you can think of? The one that makes me fall down laughing will get best answer!!!
Thanks!
Answers: What's the funniest joke that you can think of? The one that makes me fall down laughing will get best answer!!!
Thanks!
-Bible Salesman-
Three men are selling bibles. Henry, Joe and Nick.
Henry- A great seller
Joe- A average seller
Nick- A terrible seller who studders- A lot
They sell their bibles and report back to the warehouse. The manager asks them how they did.
Joe- I sold 15 bibles.
Manager- Very Good, A new personal best!
Henry- 125 Bibles.
Manager- WOW! Oh my gosh that's amazing!
Nick- I--i sssold o-uh-uh million buh buh buh bibles.
Manager- (Gasps) Holy crap. How in the world did you SELL THAT MANY BIBLES???!!!!???!!!!
Nick- I knoooock ooon thhhe dooooor annnd sayyyyy. "Wouuuld youuuuu like to buuuuy a biiiibible, orrr would youuu likke meee tooo read them to you?"
What did the pirate say when he dropped the steering wheel down his pants?
Arrgg! This is driving me nuts!
Well, this isn't a joke, but it always makes me laugh when I think of it:
Some lady made this comment:
All men are created equal:
Poor things!
what did the melon say to the other melon when they were going to get married?
huh huh cant think of it
"Sorry honey, we can't elope."
hahhahah get it
cantelope-cant elope like melone!!
go to youtube. Type very funny cats. it's cute.
http://www.youtube.com
Xbox 360
a priest, a rabi and a shaman all walked into a bar, except there was no rabi or shaman and it was my 8th birthday and the priest was molesting me... and the priest was my dad and wasnt really a priest... my dad molested me... a lot.
Al Gore and the Clintons are flying on Air Force One.
Bill looks at Al, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $10,000 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy."
Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $1,000 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy".
Hillary tosses her perfectly sprayed hair and says, "Of course, then, I could throw one-hundred $100 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy."
Chelsea rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, "I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy."
How about this one:
Two guys are walking thru a field.
They come up to a big and deep hole.
One guy picks up a rock, throws it into the hole.
They do not hear the rock hit the bottom.
So he picks up a BIGGER rock and throws it into the hole.
They do not hear the rock hit the bottom.
They look around and see a big log laying on the ground nearby. Both of them pick up the log, carry it over to the hole, and throw the log in.
Standing and waiting, looking down into the hole, listening for the log to "hot bottom" when suddenly!
A goat runs past them and jumps into the hole and ALSO disappears into the darkness.
A few minutes later a farmer comes by and says;
"Have either of you seen a goat around here?"
They reply "yes, it just jumped into this hole!"
The farmer replies back to them "That's impossible...
I HAD THE GOAT TIED TO A BIG LOG!
dis is well funny
An aeroplane is about to crash. A woman jumps up and starts to shout frantically " if im gona die, im going to die feelin lyk a woman,. is there any1 man enuf to make me feel lyk a real woman???"
a man den stand up removes his shirt and says" here iron dis............"
all of my best ones are dirty, i'll try some clean ones. why don't blondes drink kool aid? cant get 2 quarts of water in the little packet! why don't they eat M&M's? too hard to peel! what is the best weight for a lawer? 2 1/2 pounds including the urn! how many ethiopians can you fit in a telephone booth? all of them! what did helen keller say when she fell off of a cliff? nothing, she had her mittens on! and lastly, president bush woke up one morning at the white house in winter to see a freshly laid snow had fallen the night before, he walked out on the lawn and saw written in pee in the snow "bush is an idiot" he had the CIA and FBI do all kinds of tests so he could nail the person responsible, the next day they came back with the test results and said we have good news and bad news, the good news is the dna test came back and the pee belonged to dick cheney, the bad news is that it is your wifes handwriting!!! now thats funny!
A man meets a woman at a bar and they go to her place. They're undressing and he drops his trousers. She points to his messed up knees and asks what happened. He says 'when I was young I contracted kneesles'. She says 'you mean measles'. He says 'no, I actually got kneesles'. She shrugs and continues undressing. When he removes his socks she looks at his sorry toes and asks about them. He says 'shortly after the kneesles, I contracted toelio'. She says 'you mean polio?'. He says 'no, I got toelio'. She shrugs it off, until he drops his shorts. She looks again and says 'don't tell me - smallcox'.
lolololol..i thought it was funny
this AMERICAN goes to FRANCE on a business trip...while in france the american has sex with this french woman.while they are making love the woman says "faux' inney; hiop". the american thought this was some sort of prayer .the next day the american is playing golf with some buddies and he says "faux' inney; hiop" and the buddies stare at him and one buddy asks "what do you mean wrong hole???"
hahahahaha
dnt knw.mayb the retarded classic one.y did the chicken cross ta road.could i get a little evevn little haha.jp.i dnt knw im nt a comedian
One day, at a bus stop there was a girl who was wearing a skintight miniskirt. When the bus arrived and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight she couldn't get her foot high enough to reach to step.
Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reached back and unzipped her skirt a little. She still could not reach the step. Embarrassed, she reached back once again to unzip it a little more. Still, she couldn't reach the step.
So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reached back and unzipped her skirt all the way. Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifted up her leg only to realize that she still couldn't reach the step.
So, seeing how embarrassed the girl was, the man standing behind her put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on to the first step of the bus. The girl turned around furiously and said, "How dare you touch my body that way, I don't even know you!"
Shocked, the man says, "Well, ma'am, after you reached around and unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we were friends."
1. Short Joke
At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
"Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."
2. Long Joke
The mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the recently married couple's house. She rang the doorbell and stepped into the house. She saw her daughter-in law standing naked by the door.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered.
"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.
"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.
"Love dress? But you're naked!"
"My husband loves me to wear this dress! It makes him happy and it makes me happy. I would appreciate it if you would leave because he will be home from work any minute."
The mother-in-law was tired of all this romantic talk and left.
On the way home she thought about the love dress. When she got home she got undressed, showered, put on her best perfume and waited by the front door.
Finally her husband came home. He walked in and saw her standing naked by the door. "What are you doing?" he asked.
"This is my love dress" she replied.
He responded, "Needs ironing!"
Two twins were in their mother's womb and were talking to each other,
twin 1: wat do you want to do when you grow up?
twin 2: A lawyer, you wat do you want to do when you grow up?
twin 1: I wanna kill that bald bastard who always spits out white stuff right here
Little Johnny asking those questions.
Littlte Johnny: mom, how much do you weigh?
Mom: oh, johnny you dont ask a woman that!
LJ: oh, well how old are you?
M: Oh, johnny thats the last question you ask a woman
LJ: oh, well how come you and daddy got a divorce?
M: oh Johnny I will tell you when you are older, now go outside and play
so, Johnny goes outside and sees his buddy Spike. Spike asks him why he is looking so dejected. Johnny says, I keep asking my mom all these questions and she wont answer me.
So, Johnny tells him I asked my mom how old she was and how much she weighs. Spike jumps in and says- Next time she isnt looking, get her drivers license and it will give you all of the answers.
Sooo, Johnny goes in and looks at the license. Goes to his mom and says:
LJ: Mom, I know how old you are.
M: Oh no you couldnt
LJ: Yep youre 32
M: Johnny, how did you know that?
LJ: Oh, I just do.
LJ: and, I also know how much you weigh
M: Oh, I know you don't know that!
LJ: You weigh 120 lbs.
M: Oh, Johnny how did you know that?
LJ: Oh, I just do.
LJ: And I also know why you and daddy got a divorce.
M: What????
LJ: Yep, you got an F in sex.
Why didn't the bartender serve the snake?
Because everyone knows snakes can't hold their liquor.
How do you get pikachu on a bus?
Pokemon Poke-Em-On
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”
The operator, in a calm, soothing voice, says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy’s voice comes back on the line. He says: “Okay, now what?”
A man is taking a walk in Central park in New York. Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog . He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life. A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: "Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl" The man says: - "But I am not a New Yorker!" "Oh ,then it will say in newspapers in the morning: 'Brave American saves life of little girl'" – the policeman answers. "But I am not an American!" – says the man. "Oh, what are you then? " The man says: - "I am a Saudi !" The next day the newspapers says: "Islamic extremist kills innocent American dog.