Tell me a joke that can make me laugh ?!


Question: Okie..
I'm a lady with few words..
And laughing is not one of my facial expression..
So far I have not found a joke that can seriously make me laugh..
so whoever can make me laugh for the first time of the year will get 10 points..
__________________________________


Answers: Okie..
I'm a lady with few words..
And laughing is not one of my facial expression..
So far I have not found a joke that can seriously make me laugh..
so whoever can make me laugh for the first time of the year will get 10 points..
__________________________________

* Q.What do you call a 3 legged donkey.....

A. a wonkey

*The energiser bunny was charged with battery

* A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, 'Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?
The father, surprised, answers, 'Well son, there are three kinds of breasts.

In her 20's, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30's to 40's, they are like pears, still nice but

'Onions?'

'Yes, you see them and they make you cry.'

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, 'Mom, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?'

The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, 'Well dear, a man goes through three phases.

In his 20's, his Willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30's and 40's, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50's, it is like a Christmas tree'.

'A Christmas tree?'

'Yes - dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration!'

...cause 789!! LOL

Firely Diana!

what do princess diana and pink floyd have in common?


their last big hit was the wall

hmm why bother? jokes are spontaneous...and i can tell you are already willing to not laugh.

so whats the point?

George bush is president.

May be you can look at the mirror and you can laugh your heart out, just to de-stress.

There are these two muffins sitting in an oven, one muffin looks over at the other muffin and say " Damn it's hot in this oven" The other muffin looks over and says "No ****! A talking muffin!"

joke!
there i sent you one joke(get it ha)

I am your shrink and you are being hypnotized. Do as I say else you pay double. Laugh, laugh, lahahahaffff

A hundred prostitutes in Washington D.C. were
asked if they would ever sleep with President
Bush. 60% said, 'Never again!'

U n ME n 3 MONKEYS intree UR HONEY IM BEEE!!!

Whats the difference between Colin Mcrae and Gary Glitter.....only two kids went down on Mcrae's chopper!

Colin Mcrae was found to have 10 viagra in his system at the time of the crash......apparently he had trouble getting his chopper up!

I bought Colin Mcrae's Helicopter Simulation for my pc, im really annoyed though, i installed it but whenever i go on it, it keeps crashing.....

Why do the Aussie rugby team differ from a bra.......they have all the support but no cup!!!!

A man enters Bakers,''Give me a green loaf,please'' he says.
The Baker says,''Sorry I only have Yellow today.''
''Oh'',says the Man,''Give me a blue one then,I'm riding the Bike''!

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Mondaymorning; it's a bad one.
Both of their cars are totally demolished butamazinglyneither of them are hurt.
God works in mysterious ways.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says,
"So you're a man.That's interesting. I'm a woman.
Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt.
This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and livetogether in peace for the rest of our days". Flattered, the man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely, this mustbe a sign from God!" The woman continues, "And look at this, here's another miracle.
My car iscompletely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.
The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man. The man asks, "Aren't you having any?" The woman replies,
"No. I think I'll just wait for the police...."
MORAL OF THE STORY: Women are clever, evil bitches.Don't mess with us.

The madam of a bordello finds a young boy standing at her door offering her a large jar full of coins.

"I want a Wh0re with V-D," the boy informs the astonished madam.

"Why would you want a wh0re with V-D?" she sputters.

"Because if I get V-D, my little sister will get V-D. If my little sister gets V-D, then my dad, will get V-D. If my Dad gets V-D, then my mom will get V-D. If my mom gets V-D, then the mailman will get V-D...
and he's the sonofabitch that ran over my dog!"

i can make you really laugh....but mom says........!!!!

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate
father to start their family. On the day the surrogate father was to
arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be
here soon" Half an hour later, just by chance a door-to-door baby
photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

"Good morning, madam. I've come to...."
"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.
"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good. I've made a speciality of
babies"
"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat"

After a moment, she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the
couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is
fun too; you can really spread out!"
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me"
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But, if we
try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven different
angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results"
"My, that's a lot of....." gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in
and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure"
"Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith said quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his
baby pictures.
"This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London"
"Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their
mother was so difficult to work with"
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job
done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get
a good look"
"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.
"Yes," the photographer said, "And for more than three hours too. The
mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate.
Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the
squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean squirrels actually chewed on your,
um......equipment?"
"That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so we
can get to work."
"Tripod?????"
"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for
me to hold for very long. Madam? Madam? ....... Good Lord, she's
fainted!!"
bit long but hopefully it will do the trick!!!!

There was once an old man staying at a hospital. One night he went #2 in his sheets, and, terribly embrassed, tossed them out the window. They hit a drunk man walking beneath the window, and he freaked out, struggling and punching his way out of the sheets.

Finally a cop came over to him and asked him what happened.

The drunkard said, "I was just attacked by a ghost! But dont' worry, I beat the s***t out of it!"

There once was a man who did not speak English and moved to America. He got a job in a small grocery store.

A woman came up to the cashier, and asked:
How much for one orange?
The man was quiet.
So the Manager came out and sed,
"Only 50 cents"
So the man remembered to say this.
The next lady asked the man,
How fresh are these apples?
The man didnt reply...
so the manager came out and sed,
Very Very fresh!!!
And the man remembered to say that next time.
The last customer asked:
Is there a sale today?
The man sed nothing...
The manager came out and sed,
Not today but maybe 2moro....
the man remembered that phrase.
THE NEXT DAY....

A robber came in and sed to the man...

HOW MUCH IS IN THE CASH REGISTER???

The man replied:
ONLY 50 CENTS (Since he thought he had to go in the same order as yesterday)

The robber sed,

ARE YOU TALKIN FRESH TO ME???

The man sed:
VERY VERY FRESH!!!

The Robber then sed:
DO U WANNA DIE???

The man sed:
Not today but maybe 2moro...

LOL THE END

Every day a 4th grade boy walks home from school past a 4th grade girl’s house. One day he is carrying a football, and he stops to taunt the little girl. He holds up the football and says

“See this football? Football is a boys game and girls can’t have one!”

The little girl runs in the house crying and tells her mother about the
encounter. She runs out and buys the girl a football.

The next day the boy is riding home on his bike, and the girl shows him the football, yelling “Nah na nah na nah!”

The little boy gets mad and points to his bike. “See this bike? This is a boys bike, and girls can’t have them!”

Next day, the boy comes by and the little girl is riding a new boy’s bike.

Now he is really mad. So he drops his pants, points at his most private of parts, and says “You see THIS? Only BOYS have these and your mother can’t go buy you one!”

The next day as he passes the house he asks the little girl, “Well, what do
you have to say NOW?”

So she pulls up her dress and says…

“My mother told me that as long as I have one of these, I can have as many of THOSE as I want!”



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