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Answers: The person with the highes rating wins. Plus you get all the points from being rated. Plus the 10 points. Thanks.

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A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist.
The doctor took one look at this woman and all his
professionalism went out the window.
He immediately told her to undress. After she had
disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. Doing
so, he asked her, "Do you know what I'm doing?"
"Yes," she replied, "you're checking for any abrasions
or dermatological abnormalities." "That is right," said
the doctor. He then began to fondle her breasts. "Do
you know what I'm doing now?" he asked.
"Yes," the woman said, "you're checking for any lumps or
breast cancer." "Correct," replied the shady doctor.
Finally, he mounted his patient and started having sexual
intercourse with her. He asked, "Do you know what I'm doing
now?"
"Yes," she said. "You're getting herpes; which is why I came
here in the first place."



OR




A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was
not in their bed.
She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She
finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee. He
appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.
She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of
his coffee.
"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the
room.
"Why are you down here at this time of night?" The husband looks
up from his coffee. "Do you remember twenty years ago when we were
dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly. "Yes, I do," she
replies. The husband paused. The words were not coming easily.
"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of
my car ?" "Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair
beside him. The husband continued. "Do you remember when he shoved the
shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or I will
send you to jail for twenty years?" "I remember that, too" she replied
softly.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said "I would have
been out of jail today and a free man!"

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Here are my favorites:

...please don't be offended:

(1)Here's one that's a bit vulger and long:

There's a trucker driving along the highway in Nevada, and he starts to get really horny. He then sees a sign for a Brothel (whore house) 10 miles away. He begins to get very excited when he spots a note at the bottom of the sign which says: "Beware of Sandpaper Sally." He thinks this is a bit wierd but keeps driving and gets hornier and hornier. He finally gets to the Brothel, throws money down on the table, and says: "I want a whore." to which a woman repeats: "Okay, but the only girl we have left is Sally." He decides to take the offer and runs up to the room he's told Sally is in. He opens the door and sees the prettiest blond he's ever seen in his life, throws her down on the bed and procedes to have his way with her when he notices that she is a bit rough and dry down there. He asks what's wrong with her and she gets up and goes to the bathroom. She comes back and they start again. He says that it feels great and asks what she did. To which she replies:"I picked the scabs."

(2)Here's another:

Two guys are sitting at the bar, guy 1 turns to guy 2 and says, "I f*cked your mom!"
The bar goes silent, and everyone turns and looks at the two guys.
Once again guy 1 says, "I f*cked your mom!"
To which guy 2 replies, "Shut up dad, you're drunk."

(3)...and another:

There's a man walking through the desert with only his camel, when suddenly he gets the urge to have sex. Seeing that there's no one around, he tries to screw the camel, but it runs off. He runs and catches up to it and the man and his camel keep treking through the desert, when all of a sudden he gets the urge again. The man tries to have his way with the camel again, and once again it runs off. He catches up again and they keep walking until they get to a road where he sees a car broken down. The man goes up to the car and sees three of the most breath taking young women he's ever seen in his life, and asks if he can help. The women say that if the man can fix their car that they'll do ANYTHING for him, so he takes a look at their car and gets it running. Stunned, the young women ask what he would like them to do. To which the man replies, "Can you hold my camel?"

(4)One more:

Three men get snowed in at a ski resort and have to get a room. When they get to the room, they notice that there is only one bed. They figure that this isn't a problem and that they'll share the bed. They wake up the next morning and the man sleeping on the right side of the bed said, "I had the best dream that this beautiful woman was jerking me off all night!"
The man who slept on the left side of the bed said, "That's wierd, I had the same dream!"
To which the man who slept in the middle replied, "Uh oh... I had a dream that I was skiing!"

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Bob asked to Dob, "Do you know why your computer broke?"
Dob said, "No"
Bob answers, "Because your computer hate you"

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*knock knock
!whos there
*no one
!no one who
* [silence]
hahaa hilarious .. okay not really . but my sister topld it to me yesterday ... shes six and i need points . bye!

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2 peanuts are walkin down the road, and one was a-salted

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1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don’t Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It “In.”

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write ” For Smuggling Diamonds”

7. Finish All Your sentences with “In Accordance With T he Prophecy.”

8. Don’t use any punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is “To Go.”

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital An d Ask Why The Poems Don’t Rhyme?

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can’t Attend Their Party Because You’re Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream “I Won!, I Won!”

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards Th e Parking lot, Yelling “Run For Your Lives, They’re Loose!!”

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here this is funny
not u other peep:knock knock
U:come in
not u other peep:your suposed to say whos there
U:why should i say that if i already know who it is?

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2 m.u.*.l*.m.s. were sitting on a fence feeling happy.
Happy got disgusted & walked away.

NO OFFENCE PLEASE.

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