What is the best joke you know?!
Question: Make us all lol
Answers: Make us all lol
I was in a car crash today. I hit the guy in front of me. He gets out of the car. He is a dwarf!!! He says "I am NOT happy!" I say, "which one are you then?"!!
MY LIFE!!!
YOU.
Idiot.
a brunette and a blonde are walking down the side walk and the brunette says oh look a dead bird! The blonde looks up and says where where?
The one which makes me laugh the most, of course.
What do you call a man that has 1 leg?
eileen
I lean! Get it?
Lol. It's a bit corny!
Yet another condensed version:
Mickey Mouse is sitting in divorce court waiting to divorce Minnie Mouse.
Going over their statements before the trial the lawyer says
ATT: Ok when the judge ask on what grounds are you seeking a divorce, you say insanity!
MM: Why insanity?
ATT: Because you said she was crazy
MM: No you idiot I said she was f_ing Goofy
paddy n murphy walking down street, paddy falls in2 hole.
"i think ive broke my leg, call me an ambulance" he says
murphy replies "paddy is an ambulance, paddy is an ambulance" haha
sad i no but i just love it
this isnt thebest ive heard but..
an amish boy and his father have to go into town one day to get supplies. they decide to go to the mall. they walk in and the first thing they see is an elevater. they watch as a very old, cripples lady walks in. about 20 seconds later, a young, beautiful blonde women walks out. the father whispers to his son "go get your mother".
man in pub"my son was born on st. george's day, so i called him george." 2nd man "what a coincedence, my son was born on st. andrew's day and we called him andrew. 3rd man "astonishing!!! i can't wait to get home and tell our pancake. not my best, patience. Paddy.
Irish man goes for a job on a building site,
manager says" can you drive a dumper paddy"
paddy replies "i can sir"
manager says" can you make tea paddy"
paddy replies "why how bigs the f@&%king teapot"
this is one of my favourites...what goes clip-clop clip-clop bang clippety-cloppety clippety-cloppety.......................... hamish drive by shooting.......................cracks me up every time
Three Blondes are walking in the woods when to come across some track. The first blonde says "These look like rabbit tracks." The second blonde says "No, I think these are deer tracks." The third blonde says "You two are so stupid. These are obviously bear tracks." Then the train hits them.
Jimmy and Alfie get called to a mortuary to id the body of their old friend Bobby who died in a house fire.
Jimmy goes in first and the mortician uncovers the body, Jimmy says "oo hes really burnt but turn him over", the mortician does so and Jimmy says "no, thats not him".
Alfie then gets ushered in, the mortician again uncovers the body, Alfie says "oo hes really burnt, turn him over", the mortician does so and Alfie says "no thats not him".
The mortician says "how do you know its not him?" Alfie replies "Bobby had two arseholes."
The mortician says "two?"
Alfie replied "yes me and Jimmy would walk down the road with him and people would say, look,there goes Bobby with the two arseholes !"
did you hear about the magic tractor that was driving down a lane?
it turned into a field!!!
whats ET short for?
'cos he's got little legs!!!
did you hear about the scarecrow who won the Nobel peace Price?
he was outstanding in his field!!!
The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.
When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time.
She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude.
But eventually his turn came.
Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down.
Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was.
"It's a period," reported Johnnie.
"Well I can see that," she said. "But what is so exciting about a period."
"Damned if I know," said Johnnie,
"but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and the man next door shot himself."