Can anyone find me a joke similar to this one?!
Question:
Can anyone find me a joke similar to this one?
Okay so I have a girlfriend who absolutely loves this joke, it's a corny one and she thinks it's amazing and I'm having trouble trying to find a joke like this one to tell her. Any help is greatly appreciated!
Heres the joke,
A boy is playing fetch with his dog near a pond and he accidently over throws the stick and it lands in the water. The dog runs for it and when he gets to the water instead of swimming he actually runs on top of the water and brought the stick back. The boy, amazed, throws it in the water again and the dog runs on top of the water once again. The boy calls his friend up immediatly to meet him here. Once here the boy tells him that his dog can do something special and throws the stick in the water and the dog once again runs on top and bring the stick back. The friend replies, "So what? Your dog can't swim."
Answers: i got one sorta like that. its got something to do with walking on water. Oh by the way, this isnt my joke i read it off this site so noone get angry if you think that i am claiming it. anyway, there are 3 priests sitting in a boat in the middle of a river, they want toget to shore so the first priest says" i am blessed by god", steps out of the boat and walks across the water and ends up safetly on shore. the second priest does the same and arrives safetly on shore. the third priest is quite amazed and so he says "praise the lord! i am blessed by god". then as he steps out of the boat attempting to walk across the water, he sinks and drowns. then the 1st priest says to the 2nd priest "do you think we should have told him about the rocks"........ well hope you like it. Hopefully, she likes dog jokes! Give these a try!
A guy walks into a bar with a dachshund under his arm. The dog is wearing a Jets jersey helmet and is holding Jets pom poms.
The bartender says,"Hey! No pets allowed in here! You′ll have to leave!"
The man begs, "Look I′m desperate. We′re both big fans, my TV is broken, and this is the only place we can see the game!"
After securing a promise that the dog will behave and warning him that if there is any trouble they will be thrown out, the bartender relents and allows them to stay in the bar and watch the game.
The game begins with the Jets receiving a kickoff. They march down field stop at the 30,and kick a field goal. With that the dog jumps up on the bar and begins walking up and down the bar giving everyone a high-five.
The bartender says,"Wow that is the most amazing thing I′ve ever seen! What does the dog do if they score a touchdown?"
"I don′t know," replies the owner, "I′ve only had him for four years."
#2
For months Bill had been Lynn′s devoted admirer. At long last he had collected sufficient courage to ask her the momentous question.
"There are quite a lot of advantages to being a bachelor," Bill began, "but there comes a time when one longs for the companionship of another being, a being who will regard one as perfect, as an idol; whom one can treat as one′s absolute own; who will be kind and faithful when times are hard; who will share one′s joys and sorrows."
To his delight, Bill saw a sympathetic gleam in Lynn′s eyes. Then she nodded in agreement, "I think it′s a wonderful idea! Can I help you pick out a puppy?"
#3
"How many dogs does it take to put in a light bulb?"
Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we′ve got our whole lives ahead of us, and you′re inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb?
Border Collie: Just one. And I′ll replace any wiring that′s not up to code.
Dachshund: I can′t reach the stupid lamp!
Toy Poodle: I′ll just blow in the Border collie′s ear and he′ll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
Rottweiler: Go Ahead! Make me!
Shi-tzu: Puh-leeze, dah-ling. Let the servants. . . .
Lab: Oh, me, me!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I?
Malamute: Let the Border collie do it. You can feed me while he′s busy.
Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
Doberman Pinscher: While it′s dark, I′m going to sleep on the couch.
Mastiff: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.
Hound Dog: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
Irish Wolfhound: Can somebody else do it? I′ve got a hangover.
Pointer: I see it, there it is, right there...
Greyhound: It isn′t moving. Who cares?
Australian Shepherd: Put all the light bulbs in a little circle...
Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?
#4
A butcher is leaning on the counter toward the close of day when a dog with a basket in its jaws comes pushing through the door.
"An′ wot′s this then?" he asked. The dog knocks the basket sharply into the butcher′s shins.
"You dumb dog." As he reaches down to smack the dog, he notices a note and a ten dollar bill in the basket.
The scribble on the note asks for three pounds of his best ground beef. The butcher figures this is too easy. He goes to the window and reaches for the dried up stuff that′s been sitting out all day.
The dog growls at him. The butcher turns around and, glaring at the pup, gets the best mince from the fridge. Weighing out about 2 1/2 pounds, he drops in on the scale with his thumb.
"Hmmmmm, a bit shy. Who′ll know?"
Again, the dog growls menacingly. "Alright, alright," as he throws on a generous half pound. He wraps it out, drops it in the basket, and drops in change from a five. The dog threatens to chew him off at the ankles. Another five goes in the basket.
The butcher is quite impressed and decides to follow the piddy pup home. The dog quickly enters a high-rise buildings, pushes the lift button, enters the lift, and then pushes the button for the 12th floor. The dog walks down the corridor and smartly bangs the basket on the door. The door opens, and the dog′s owner screams at the dog.
"Hey, what are you doing? That′s a really smart dog you′ve got there," comments the butcher.
"He′s a stupid dog--that′s the third time this week he′s forgotten his key."
One more:
Paul got off the elevator on the 40th floor and nervously knocked on his blind date′s door. She opened it and was as beautiful and charming as everyone had said.
"I′ll be ready in a few minutes," she said. "Why don′t you play with Rollo while you′re waiting?" He does wonderful tricks. He rolls over, shakes hands, sits up and if you make a hoop with your arms, he′ll jump through."
The dog followed Paul onto the balcony and started rolling over. Paul made a hoop with his arms and Rollo jumped through -- and over the balcony railing. Just then Paul′s date walked out.
"Isn′t Rollo the cutest, happiest dog you′ve ever seen?"
"To tell the truth, " he replied, "Rollo seemed a little depressed to me!" I like this one:
A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following: "HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer."
A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined.
Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he lead him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager. The manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type."
The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair. The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, "The sign says you have to be good with a computer."
The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to enter and execute a perfect program, that worked flawlessly the first time.
By this time the manager was totally dumb-founded! He looked at the dog and said, "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I *still* can't give you the job."
The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer.
The manager said, "Yes, but the sign *also* says that you have to be bilingual".
The dog looked at the manager calmly and said "Meow." A dog walks into a bar and sits down. He pulls out a wad of money and orders a drink. The bartender says we don't serve doge here and you have to leave. the dog says I have money and I want a drink. The bartender points to the sign on the wall and shows the dog that it says, no dogs allowed. The dog refuses to leave and orders his drink again. the bartender takes out a shot gun and shoots the dog. a few weeks pass and the dog comes back to the bar with a gun and says, I have come for the man who shot my Paw. It's not about dog and it's long but funny at the end... might make ur gf laugh for few sec :)
A husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this very tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."
"Yes, she says, "I remember it well."
"OK," he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"
"Oh Charlie, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence.
The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers.
As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground .
The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.
The Policeman, thinks I've got to ask them what their secret is. So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"
Shaking the old man is barely able to reply, "Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence..."
*If that still does not make you happy... u can check this video i come across while surfing... very funny
:-D
http://somethingtolaugh.blogspot.com/...