Why A Man Should Have A Dog And Not A Wife ??!
Question:
Why A Man Should Have A Dog And Not A Wife ??
Here are the list of reasons why:
1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
2. Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
3. If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.
4. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
5. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
6. A dog's parents never visit.
7. Dogs do not hate their bodies.
8. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to ge t your point across.
9. Dogs like to do their snooping outside rather than in your wallet or desk.
10. Dogs seldom outlive you.
11. Dogs can't talk.
12. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.
13. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.
14. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
15. Another man will seldom steal your dog.
16. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"
4 weeks ago
17. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.
18. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a
pervert.
19. A dog won't hold out on you to get a new car.
20. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.
21. On a car trip, your dog never insists on running the heater.
22. Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives.
23. When your dog gets old, you can have it put to sleep.
24. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pick-up truck.
25. Dogs are not allowed in Bloomingdale' s or Neiman-Marcus.
And, last but not least:
26. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.
Answers:
thats a cute joke,,,read this one :))
Oil Change
Oil Change instructions for Women:
1: Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the
last oil change.
2: Drink a cup of coffee.
3: 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained
vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change $20.00
Coffee $1.00
Total $21.00
==============================...
Oil Change instructions for Men:
1: Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil,
filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for
$50.00.
2: Stop by 7 -11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.
3: Open a beer and drink it.
4: Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5: Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6: In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7: Place drain pan under engine.
8: Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9: Give up and use crescent wrench.
10: Unscrew drain plug.
11: Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process.
Cuss.
12: Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw
kitty litter on spilled oil.
13: Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14: Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15: Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter
and twist off.
16: Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere
from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid
environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17: Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him.
Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door
opener.
18: Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change."
Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in
hole in back yard instead of taking it back to Kragen to recycle.
19: Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20: Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.
21: Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22: Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket
surface.
23: Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24: Remember drain plug from step 11.
25: Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26: Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard, along
with drain plug.
27: Drink beer.
28: Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily dirt
into hole. Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly cover oily patch of
ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in lawnmower
gas.
29: Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty
litter on oil spill.
30: Drink beer.
31: Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily
rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening
drain plug and bang knuckles on frame
32: Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
33: Begin cussing fit.
34: Throw stupid crescent wrench.
35: Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
36: Beer.
37: Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
38: Beer.
39: Beer.
40: Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41: Beer.
42: Lower car from jack stands.
43: Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.
44: Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during
steps 23 - 43.
45: Beer.
46: Test drive car!
47: Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
48: Car gets impounded.
49: Call loving wife, make bail.
50: 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
Money spent:
Parts $50.00
DUI $2500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Beer $40.00
Total - - $4,165.00
But you know the job was done right!
SEND THIS TO WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH...... AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN
HANDLE IT.....