Some of my favourite jokes please leave a star if you laugh..?!

Some of my favourite jokes please leave a star if you laugh..?

After a long night of passion, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand.

"There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied. He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, the guy began to worry. "Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously. "No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him. "Your boyfriend then?" he asked. "No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear. "Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy. Calmly, she replied, "That´s me before the operation."

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and screamed , then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream. The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?”.
"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde".
"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor". She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

Defense Attorney:
What is your age?
Little old Woman:
I am 86 years old.
Defense Attorney:
Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened to you?
Little old Woman:
There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.
Defense Attorney:
Did you know him?
Little old Woman:
No, but he sure was friendly.
Defense Attorney:
What happened after he sat down?
Little old Woman:
He started to rub my thigh.
Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him?
Little old Woman:
No, I didn't stop him.
Defense Attorney:
Why not?
Little old Woman:
It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Abner passed away some 30 years ago.
Defense Attorney:
What happened next?
Little old Woman:
He began to rub my breasts.
Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him then?
Little old Woman:
No, I did not stop him.
Defense Attorney:
Why not?
Little old Woman:
Why, Your Honor, his rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!
Defense Attorney:
What happened next?
Little old Woman:
Well, I was feeling so spicy that I just laid down and said to him..."Take me ...young man...Take me!"
Defense Attorney:
Did he take you?
Little old Woman:
Hell, no. He just yelled, "April Fool!"





..”..And that's when I shot the little bastard.”!!!!..

Excellent, very funny 10/10!!