Lady Humor?!
Question:
Lady Humor?
My boyfriend, not happy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods.
When I'm in a good mood it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy me a big diamond.
My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight."
He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.
A couple are lying in bed. The man says: "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman says: "I'll miss you."
He said: "Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you really badly."
She said: "Well, you've succeeded."
He said: "Shall we try swapping positions tonight?"
She said: "That's a good idea......you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart."
He said: "What have you been doing with all the grocery money that I gave you?"
She said: "Turn sideways and look in the mirror you fat git."
Q - What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A - A rumour.
Q - What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A - 45 minutes
Answers:
That is so freakin hilarious! Did you make that up or find it some where?