Please tell me some funny jokes.......(it has to be funny please for real)?!

Please tell me some funny jokes.......(it has to be funny please for real)?

it can be nasty it can be what ever just as long as you can make me laugh
PLEASE HELP

dead baby jokes:

So there's a lady in labor and the doctor says push! push!
then as the baby's coming out, the doctor grabs it and flings it accross the room
then he's banging it's head on the table
then the docter says "nah im just kidding it's already dead."

How do you make a dead baby float?
you take two scoops
(ice cream reference)

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Racist jokes:

Why are black people afraid of chainsaws?
when you turn it on it goes: Runnn niga-niga-niga run-run-run niga-niga-niga

A Chineese guy, an American, and a Mexican are on a plane.
The Pilot turns on the intercom and tells them one of the engines are failing, and they need to drop some extra weight.
The chineese guy throws out a bowle of rice, and says, "It's OK, we have lots of those in my country."
Then the pilot comes on again and says they need to loose more weight, so the American throws the Mexican of the plane and says, "It's OK, we have lots of those in my country."

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Random jokes:

A rabbit is walking through the forest then he stops behind a bush, squats, and starts doing number 2
Then a bear is walking along and he stops behind the bush and he starts doing number 2
now the bear says to the rabbit, "hey does poo stick too your fur?"
the rabbit says no
so the bear picks up the rabbit and wipes his azz with him
(sorry about the zz yahoo does ***)

check this later i have company right now but ill add some more next time i get on