Scorpios (and those who love us): How can I pull myself out of this abyss I keep!
Question: I am a double Scorpio, Capricorn rising, Leo north node. Born when Neptune was in Scorpio. I'm fine as long as I am working--either teaching, writing poetry, performing poetry, or singing. But on my days off, or when I am just tired and in need of some down time all I can think of is how much I am hating living in this city. I am lonely much of the time, not just when I am alone but also when I am with people who are basically pretty shallow. Today, I cannot even bring myself to do basic household chores. All I want to do is surf the internet, stay in Y/A, etc. Escape. I am in the grey lizard phase today--neither the phoenix nor the eagle, my usu. self. I am angry, disappointed, and depressed. I have to get out of this big city, where I feel like my only purpose here is to work, work, work. I resent that. I want close friends. I want a love partner. I want community. On the outside I am cool, calm, collected, loving, and friendly. On the inside, today I am screaming.
Answers: I am a double Scorpio, Capricorn rising, Leo north node. Born when Neptune was in Scorpio. I'm fine as long as I am working--either teaching, writing poetry, performing poetry, or singing. But on my days off, or when I am just tired and in need of some down time all I can think of is how much I am hating living in this city. I am lonely much of the time, not just when I am alone but also when I am with people who are basically pretty shallow. Today, I cannot even bring myself to do basic household chores. All I want to do is surf the internet, stay in Y/A, etc. Escape. I am in the grey lizard phase today--neither the phoenix nor the eagle, my usu. self. I am angry, disappointed, and depressed. I have to get out of this big city, where I feel like my only purpose here is to work, work, work. I resent that. I want close friends. I want a love partner. I want community. On the outside I am cool, calm, collected, loving, and friendly. On the inside, today I am screaming.
Feels your pain. Recognizes your descriptions as being quite familiar. I am one that can give good advice but often doesn't heed it myself, so I keep coming back into this cycle that you've just described. I'll make lists of things I need to do but will procrastinate and do nothing at all instead.
Don't force things. Right now, your subconscious is forcing you to chill and do nothing at all on your days off. This might last a few weeks. In fact, I'm coming out of a similar cycle now. You might find that sometime in the near future, you do two weeks worth of stuff in two days. Until you get motivated for that, chances are you need to be in a stress-free and responsibility-free zone to get yourself balanced again. Excessive worry over the city, rent, love-life, loneliness and genuine friendships are sure to force us to shut it all down completely for awhile. Too many distractions. Too many forces out of our control!!
The more I worry about the things on my list and force myself to do them, the longer it takes for them to get completed. If I recognize that things need to get done, and then put it away for awhile, I tend to return to them quicker and complete them sooner.
I hope this helps and that it was coherent for you. Question if I'm making sense tonight?
Try trusting in the maker of the stars instead of the meanings of the creation as a start then as far as you personable desires you are now different than the empty CEO except for the $$$ and the price of his/her therapist. Your answer lies in the one who calls the stars by name and I ain't talkin NASA
Find someone understanding who will lay around and be lazy with you. There is something so great about doing nothing, you need a break. Reguardless, Hey, its okay!