Please, will you give me some pointers as to how I can improve my poem?!
Question: The sky is dark in the park,
The mugger is out on a lark.
The air is bare,
We're almost there,
Because nothing can
Compare,
To the stare, when on the stair.
I want to know, if you're buying
this?
Or if this poem should be dismissed?
Burma Shave!
I'm thinking about turning this into a song.
LOL,
roflmao!!!
Answers: The sky is dark in the park,
The mugger is out on a lark.
The air is bare,
We're almost there,
Because nothing can
Compare,
To the stare, when on the stair.
I want to know, if you're buying
this?
Or if this poem should be dismissed?
Burma Shave!
I'm thinking about turning this into a song.
LOL,
roflmao!!!
OMG..you are a real barb...you should write poetry book..you have talent...*caugh*...*burp*...*fart*...
don't give up your day job
ohhh, just saw the Burma shave
had me going-
thoufht you were fur real.
here's your star
my mama always said to be kind and polite and to complement people for their efforts, so here goes:
that's really interesting, but after reading your profile, i think you are pulling our leg on this one.
OK sweetie here's my thoughts... it's good till the line, "Because nothing can compare" I would go with ... Nothing does or can compare. Now the stare stair thing should go all together. It may look good but poetry needs to sound good and the words are pronounced exactly the same thus no rhyme just a redundancy. The Ending is a bit whimsical but Burma Shave? Is that stuff still around??? Anyway good luck with your poetry but as it has been said before..."Don't give up your day job!" Peace&Love be with you...~M~
Oh, leave it just the way it is. It's inventive and very catchy. I think it would make a great song!