How do you like the begining of my story?!


Question: Dwight slowly opens his eyes and realizes that he is in a pitch black room... it seems very cold, as in a freezer. He gets up of the floor of which he seemed to have passed out on the night before, and starts feeling around. He manages to get his hand on a wall and follows it till he gets to what feels like to be an open door. He pushes the door open and continues following the wall. The further he got along the wall the more he could make out screams of what seemed to be family's. He continued down the wall till he reached another door. The screams were clear as day now. He was sure they were the screams of women, children and he could even here the whimpers of grown men. The air was crisp, Dwight let go of the wall and kicked around on the floor looking for a jacket of some sort. He manages to get on his knees and finds what feels to be a large wind sheeter. He puts it on and crawls back to the door. Bracing himself for the worst Dwight swings open the door... But nothing... just complete darkness. He takes a step forward and the ground beneath his feet changes. He is defiantly outside, but the streets are engulfed in darkness. He takes a few steps forward and trips down a set of porch stairs landing on his back. The sky was black, with stars the only thing that could be seen. Feeling a bit disorientated Dwight gets back on his feet and spins around looking for some form of light, when all of a sudden the street lights burst into a haze of brightness. After Dwights eyes had adjusted to the instantainent stroke of light, he looked around a saw hundreds, maby even thousands of people on the streets crying. Feeling confused he runs back inside flicking a the light switches... Nothing. Turning around he walks back outside trying to make sense of everything thats going on. He looks down at his watch. 2:50PM. Confused more then before he runs up to people on the street fishing for answers to whats going on. He runs upto what seems to be a very distorted family and starts asking what the commotion is about."Why is it so dark at this time of day, why are all these people crying. What is going on here!" Dwight screamed glancing over his shoulder to every squeal of a child. The father looked at Dwight and his eyes glazed over.
" Are you being serious...? You don't know whats happening... or should I say happened?" The man grabbed his younger daughters hand and started to explain."At about 12:04PM this afternoon they posted a warning on TV that went around the world. There was men in suits and what seemed to be scientists in the background working on a giant sheets of never ending numbers. The started saying that there estimations were wrong and that they..." The man was cut short as Dwight cut in. "There estimations on what?"
The man looked across at his little boy in his mothers hands then glanced back at Dwight. "There estimations on how much longer the sun could withstand time..."
It made sense now. The coldness, the darkness, the screams. Dwight turned around and headed they way the crowed was walking, pushing though everyone trying to get as far in front as possible. He didn't know where the hell they were heading but it must of been in the direction of help, and he sure as hell didn't want to be stuck at the back on the line.


Answers: Dwight slowly opens his eyes and realizes that he is in a pitch black room... it seems very cold, as in a freezer. He gets up of the floor of which he seemed to have passed out on the night before, and starts feeling around. He manages to get his hand on a wall and follows it till he gets to what feels like to be an open door. He pushes the door open and continues following the wall. The further he got along the wall the more he could make out screams of what seemed to be family's. He continued down the wall till he reached another door. The screams were clear as day now. He was sure they were the screams of women, children and he could even here the whimpers of grown men. The air was crisp, Dwight let go of the wall and kicked around on the floor looking for a jacket of some sort. He manages to get on his knees and finds what feels to be a large wind sheeter. He puts it on and crawls back to the door. Bracing himself for the worst Dwight swings open the door... But nothing... just complete darkness. He takes a step forward and the ground beneath his feet changes. He is defiantly outside, but the streets are engulfed in darkness. He takes a few steps forward and trips down a set of porch stairs landing on his back. The sky was black, with stars the only thing that could be seen. Feeling a bit disorientated Dwight gets back on his feet and spins around looking for some form of light, when all of a sudden the street lights burst into a haze of brightness. After Dwights eyes had adjusted to the instantainent stroke of light, he looked around a saw hundreds, maby even thousands of people on the streets crying. Feeling confused he runs back inside flicking a the light switches... Nothing. Turning around he walks back outside trying to make sense of everything thats going on. He looks down at his watch. 2:50PM. Confused more then before he runs up to people on the street fishing for answers to whats going on. He runs upto what seems to be a very distorted family and starts asking what the commotion is about."Why is it so dark at this time of day, why are all these people crying. What is going on here!" Dwight screamed glancing over his shoulder to every squeal of a child. The father looked at Dwight and his eyes glazed over.
" Are you being serious...? You don't know whats happening... or should I say happened?" The man grabbed his younger daughters hand and started to explain."At about 12:04PM this afternoon they posted a warning on TV that went around the world. There was men in suits and what seemed to be scientists in the background working on a giant sheets of never ending numbers. The started saying that there estimations were wrong and that they..." The man was cut short as Dwight cut in. "There estimations on what?"
The man looked across at his little boy in his mothers hands then glanced back at Dwight. "There estimations on how much longer the sun could withstand time..."
It made sense now. The coldness, the darkness, the screams. Dwight turned around and headed they way the crowed was walking, pushing though everyone trying to get as far in front as possible. He didn't know where the hell they were heading but it must of been in the direction of help, and he sure as hell didn't want to be stuck at the back on the line.

awesome...wot's it called...when you've finished it, i want a copy! lolz. i'm also writing a story. it's in the working. have a star...it's really good...

I would break it into smaller paragraphs for easier reading, otherwise, people will pass over this

Good start! But it honestly starts out like a medical report, I mean the way you worded it...try saying instead: Soon realizing he was in a pitch dark room, slowly Juan opened his eyes. OR

Juan opened his eyes slowly only to realize he was in a pitch dark room.



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