What's the best joke you know?!

What's the best joke you know?

I love jokes - so tell me - What's your favourite? The sicker, less acceptable and more subversive the better...

When I was young I ran away to join the circus. I'd always dreamed of being a clown, or an elephant. So I packed my suitcase and ran away. After a few months I found a circus that had as yet avoided closure for ethical reasons, and they were happy to take me. I was, after all, a cherub of an infant, with curly blonde hair and giant blue eyes with eyelashes to rival those of a camel, or possibly a llama.

So, there I was, being taught how to juggle and swing on the trapeze and climb into a lion's mouth and all the other wonderful things they show you at the circus. Then came my grand opening night!

I was so excited I could barely contain myself. At the tender age of five years old, I was to be presented to the great British Public as the newest addition the the ancient and beautiful tradition of the Circus. I tottered out into the ring, in my little sparkly costume - which, for reasons I was not to understand until later, had the bottom cut out. The audience awwwwed and cooed appreciatively as I started my juggling act.

Suddenly, without warning, one of the trainers released Wilfred the Wildebeest into the ring. Little did I know that the unfortunate beast had been kept alone in a cage for weeks, fed only with the agonisingly tempting scent of a female wildebeest in season. The beast, enraged with lust, chased me around the circus ring while the audience clapped and screamed with delight. Suddenly, he caught up with me and threw me to the ground, and all I knew from then on was pain as the monstrous animal forced his gigantic swollen wildebeest member into my poor innocent body.

Then the midget trampolining team came scurrying out of nowhere, stood in a circle around me and the beast, and began to simultaneously masturbate at the sight in front of them. Three naked trapeze artistes came flying in from all sides, and, suspended appropriately, released a shower of laxative-induced diarrhoea upon the entire sordid scene. The Russian dancing bear moonwalked into the melee, and with one swift slash of his claws disembowelled the wildebeest, and hurled the still-warm innards all over everyone in the audience, while the midget trampolinists reached simultaneous orgasm.

I hauled myself out of this mess of blood, faeces, semen and bovine offal and wiped the excrement from my eyes. Blinking dazedly at the silent audience, I saw one man stand up and call to me "Hey, kid, what do you call that act?"

Summoning the last ounce of professionalism I had left in my defiled and filthy young body, I got on my knees, jazz-hands a'shaking, and announced:

"THE ARISTOCRATS!"