Rate my new story, 1-10? (Related to Naruto)?!


Question: Rate my new story, 1-10!? (Related to Naruto)!?
takes place when Naruto is much more stronger and he's 17 but he's not the main character, the second rather!. The main character is about 17 year old Japanese rock musician named Jakku where girls are instantly attracted to him for some reason!. Jakku uses a very powerful secret weapon to transport from the human world to the 'Naruto' world!. He is a very skilled shinobi in the 'Naruto' world and a famous musician in the human world!. However the Akatsuki is interested in his secret weapon!. His goal is destroy the Akatsuki and become the next Hokage!. Naruto (leader of the team), Sakura, Sai, and Jakku team up and track the Akatsuki's moves!. How ever, conflict arises when Naruto ultimately challenges Jakku for the next spot as Hokage!.

So what do you guys think!? Please give me some feedback ^_^, 1-10!.Www@Enter-QA@Com


Answers:
Um, I think you need to tone your OC down a little bit, he's waay too intrusive!. Make him either a rock musician or a shinobi, not both!. Have you ever heard of the term "Mary-sue"!? You could quite easily make that pitfall here, but you could also make your OC a very cool character!.
The idea with chicks being instantly attracted to him is good- but you probably need to make that a bad thing, not portray it in a positive, fangirl-y light!. Make him haunted by fanatical creepy stalkers, and troubled by the way girls act around him- mebbe make him scared of them!? Or you could make him a hopeless womaniser (a la Jiraiya ^_~)!.
Pick one goal, not two- maybe his goal is just to destroy Akatsuki!? What if he gets made Hokage by accident, and doesnt want to be!? What would happen if he didnt really want to be Hokage, but Naruto saw him as competition because of his power, and is almost obsessive over it!? Try and create a lot of tension between your characters!.
also, a word about the name- is it supposed to be romanised!? It doesnt sound very Japanese XP!. Keep in mind that a lot of the names in Naruto are puns- see if you can find a more appropriate name, unless you're entirely sure you're happy with what you have!.
As it is, and from what you've given, without reading anything that you've written, I'll give it a four which could possibly be an awesome nine if you work on it a little!. Good luck~!Www@Enter-QA@Com

sounds great so far ^_^ im a fan of Naruto and i read shonen jump
so is the 'Naruto' world like in the show and Jakku goes back and forth from our world to the Naruto world!?Www@Enter-QA@Com

I like it so far!.!.its a fanfiction rite!?
hmm from one to ten!.!.i go with 8;)


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Sounds pretty good but I think you could write the story out on fanfiction (dot) net or deviantart (dot) com where alot of people comment on your story!.

But for me I give it a 6!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

um 7, it's actually an o!.k!. idea
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