Please rate my story ....part two!
Question: Please rate my story !.!.!.!.part two
Steve answers the call from Naomi they talk and then he parks his Celica, gets out and smashes his cell phone into the brick wall near his car!. Kaito has appeared and it's time!. They both decide this isit, foir the love of Naomi they are going to fight to the near death event for them!. Steve connects with a solid right Kaito counters witha gut shot and a left hook, Steve hits Kaito 8 times quickly in the stomach and Kaito kicks steve in the face while screaming Hai yah!. Steve counters with 25 quick punches to Kaitos head !. Kaito is about to fall over when Naomi appears out of the ether!. Dressed in Black she cuts quite the impression , so much so that Steve and Kaito fall in humble submission in her presence!. Up she commands to Kaito and they leave!. !.!.!.!.!.more to comeWww@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
The explanations of the fighting is very rushed, and a little hard to imagine!. Especially 25 quick punches to the Head!. You need to get into huge detail with the important things, and when fighting with characters be as descriptive as possible so no one gets confused!. Try using the formula of "X threw a punch aimed for Y's neck but was dodged just in the nick of time by Y who threw a counter swipe with his leg at X's stomach!. The blow connected with tremendous force that threw X off balance landing him on all fours!. Y reached his hand down in hopes to help his friend up and continue their match, but X's anger got the best of him and he smacked it away with an angry force!."
Using that formula you add Emotion, Description, and a sense of Personality!. Picture the fight in your mind and pretend you are saying it aloud to yourself in a slow manor!. Its more entertaining when the fight is easy to imagine how you picture it!. Otherwise it gets lost in translation!. Good luck, and keep writing!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Using that formula you add Emotion, Description, and a sense of Personality!. Picture the fight in your mind and pretend you are saying it aloud to yourself in a slow manor!. Its more entertaining when the fight is easy to imagine how you picture it!. Otherwise it gets lost in translation!. Good luck, and keep writing!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
I like the idea,but i have to agree with Slaven!.It was a great idea it was just to fast!.but i give it and 8!.5 out 10 :]Www@Enter-QA@Com